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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 04/09/2019 03:55

I'm on the fence with this one as I don't like the idea of young children (but you don't actually know their ages) left alone; OTOH, I also don't like reporting people to SS/the police when they haven't done anything illegal. It could really cause problems for them when they're simply trying to make ends meet.

I think getting to know them a bit would be a good idea and see if you still feel uneasy - right now, you don't actually know the children's ages.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 04/09/2019 03:56

"I just don’t get it as I have neighbours who will call the police if a house/car alarm doesn’t go off after 15 minutes.
I personally would give it 20 mins ."

OK...?

chergar · 04/09/2019 04:17

Child protection is everyone's business, yes report them, you have a genuine concern.

Doesn't matter about the what ifs etc, SS are trained and paid to deal with these things, you are not. SS are stretched but that is no excuse to not report.

Child protection is now a multi agency issue, each agency has their own piece of the jigsaw, it may not reveal much but combined with pieces from others the whole picture becomes clear.

SS workload is not your concern.
The family trying to make ends meet is not your concern.
Speaking to the parents and offering to babysit is not your concern.

You have a niggle that something isn't right, you do not need to investigate, justify or reason with it, just report it and let professionals make the judgment call.

Durgasarrow · 04/09/2019 04:28

I think it is concerning for these kids to be left alone every day!

ittakes2 · 04/09/2019 05:24

I'm sorry I am not getting why if your friend is a social worker in training she has involved you. If she has seen some red flags she should do what she thinks is best - there is nothing stopping her reporting it if she feels its the right thing to do is it?

Oysterbabe · 04/09/2019 05:34

I think 9 is old enough to be left for 20 minutes with a sleeping 3 year old. I'd leave it.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 05:46

I'm with the 'safeguarding is everyone's responsibility' camp.

The way it works in jobs where people actually understand safeguarding is that:

You have a concern - however small
You report it to someone whose job it is to respond
They respond
Sometimes it is acted upon, sometimes, it just gets reported because it might be an isolated incident of something that isn't great, sometimes it might be a piece in a bigger picture that adds to it

Sometimes, it's a clear cut case of abuse - e.g. mummy put the iron on my leg because I was naughty - and the reaction is immediate.

Often, it's a slow building picture of neglect that is pieced together.

Those saying the OP doesn't have any idea of the circumstances or whether there is any other issue going on are quite correct but that's the point, she isn't expected to conduct a full investigation herself, she can just let someone know that she's concerned.

The Local Authority child protection database is full of stuff like this that are either never acted upon directly; or cases are closed because it was an overzealous report by a neighbour or a malicious report by an ex. And they are also full of slow building pictures of abuse.

That's all the OP would be doing - not making a decision herself but letting someone know who might well be aware of a bigger picture.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 04/09/2019 05:48

"SS workload is not your concern."

Well it is because genuine cases of neglect are missed because they are stretched too thin investigating every case of nosy neighbours who think that someone having a different lifestyle/set of priorities to them = neglect.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 05:50

I think 9 is old enough to be left for 20 minutes with a sleeping 3 year old. I'd leave it.

The point is that that might well be the case. And it might be a not ideal but acceptable situation. In which case nothing will happen.

Or it might be a pattern of neglect.

Anyone can call the NSPCC anonymously, giving no identifying information whatsoever, just to detail a situation and get advice. A friend of mine called over serious concerns about her daughter and grandchildren. There was no pressure to identify them, just advice on whether what she was describing would be considered to be a valid concern (it was) and some possible next steps.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 05:56

Well it is because genuine cases of neglect are missed because they are stretched too thin investigating every case of nosy neighbours who think that someone having a different lifestyle/set of priorities to them = neglect.

But sometimes it does.

And the reason we have the current safeguarding measures was because far too many people were seeing one part of a picture only and deciding that it wasn't serious enough to bother anyone with. That is where the genuine cases are missed.

That is what came out of every Serious Case Review, which is why the mantra, 'safeguarding is everyone's responsibilty' was born.

Jowak1 · 04/09/2019 06:05

I have an 8 year old girl who is quite sensible and I would never leave her in there house in h we own it's too young

LiveInAHidingPlace · 04/09/2019 06:07

"That is where the genuine cases are missed."

I totally disagree. There are tons of cases that are missed just because there are no immediate signs. Usually middle class parents who know how to act in public.

If social services could spend more time with every child, we could catch far more serious cases.

Jowak1 · 04/09/2019 06:11

What if something happened to the parents such as a car crash, car broke down etc meaning the nun couldn't get back in time to the kids, then those kids would wake up not knowing where the parents were, it's an accident waiting to happen.

Jowak1 · 04/09/2019 06:11

Mum not nun

hopefulhalf · 04/09/2019 06:14

If older one is 8 or 9 and reliable I really don't see the issue . 7 not so great. If SN then obviously different. Christ havent we all had to do a few suboptimal things as working parents particularly during the long summer holidays ?

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 04/09/2019 06:15

I totally disagree. There are tons of cases that are missed just because there are no immediate signs. Usually middle class parents who know how to act in public.

This is very true. It is far easier for 'nice middle class' families to hide abuse behind a veneer of respectability.

But people shouldn't ignore something that concerns them in one family because other families might have equally or more concerning things going on that are hidden.

Also, there are still signs in the 'nice middle class' families - but it is harder to get them taken seriously. I agree that people should be better trained/able to spot these but that doesn't negate concerns in other families.

Bubsworth · 04/09/2019 06:16

20 minutes!

No don't report them! How ridiculous that you would even consider it! You have no idea how old the older kids are, whether their is an adult there (a grandparent might live with them), you just seem to dislike them because they're 'strange'.

Bubsworth · 04/09/2019 06:16

*there

Laura221 · 04/09/2019 06:24

No I wouldn't report them. It's totally fine in my opinion.

StockTakeFucks · 04/09/2019 06:41

On it's own it's not necessarily neglect and it can be totally fine depending on the circumstances. There are many children and parents with whom this wouldn't even raise an eyebrow.

However it can be part of a bigger pattern. Are these kids fed properly? Clean clothes? On school on time? Etc. OP can't analyse all of these other signs,or form a full picture. If there actually is violence and police has been called,SS will know about it/the family. They might not know about the kids being left home alone as an added risk sign.

OP you can call NSPCC anonymously to ask for advice.

IceCreamBrain · 04/09/2019 06:42

Honestly some of the responses on here are ridiculous e.g.

*What if they all got in the car and crashed ?
What if , what if .. you can't live your
By what ifs."

We all live our lives by 'what ifs' it's why we wear seatbelts and hold young children's hands when we're crossing the road and wash our hands. A big part of staying alive involves making risk assessments and choosing a course of action based on that assessment. You may not agree that it's a significant enough risk that it requires management but if so say so, don't trot out meaningless clichés.

As for the 'mind your own business' people - it's attitudes like that that allow abuse of vulnerable people to continue unchecked. Neighbourliness is keeping an eye out for the vulnerable - in this case young children

Personally in this particular situation I would also be concerned. The unlocked door in particular. (If you're sure there's not, as a pp suggested, a second locked door beyond a porch) Whether it's something that ss would be interested in I honestly don't know - which is why you report and let the professionals assess whether it's something to follow up. If there's not a problem with it, then no harm done, if there is then you've done your part in protecting those children.

Bookworm4 · 04/09/2019 06:44

they look like they could potentially give us a lot of grief.
Seriously?’they look’?
Are they not head to toe in Boden and heading to their 6 figure salaried job?
Utter snobbery, you dont know these people.
They’ve had a loud argument; for all you know the DH facing a job loss, health problems, financial struggles, you and your DH come across as a pair of judgemental snobs.
Would this be a concern if they ‘looked’ different? Hadn’t had the police round?

Pricedrop · 04/09/2019 06:47

I would call the nspcc for advice, let an expert decide if they should be referred to SS

having had some dealings with NSPCC, I don't consider them experts at ALL.

that said though, my experience of SS would lead me to the same conclusions about them. I'm not sure what I'm saying really. I don't trust our institutions to apply expert analysis of situations/cases? I definitely wouldn't involve them for this

this is not because I have been in trouble with them. quite the opposite, I was reporting a situation which they severely mishandled, with consequences for a xhild

MaybeitsMaybelline · 04/09/2019 06:48

I also agree with greensnail too. I left my nine year old with a seven year old for ten or fifteen minutes when awake whilst nipping to the local shop or whatever. He could use the telephone and my knew my parents number who live on the next street and my mobile number.

EleanorReally · 04/09/2019 06:52

no dont report them, keep an eye on them, as you are already. they will be ok

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