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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this family for leaving their young dc home alone?

329 replies

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 22:21

New family moved in opposite. They're a bit strange. 2 dc age approx 8 or 9 and then another age 3 or 4.
Every morning the DM takes the DP to work at around 6.15 am. Shes gone around 20 mins. Leaves the kids at home, no sign of any lights on so I assume they're in bed and she doesn't want to stir them.
What also makes me nervous is that she doesn't lock the front door. She gets home and just pushes handle down and shes straight in.
Do I keep my nose out or report it?
My close friend has begged me to report however shes a social worker in training!

OP posts:
HakunaRattatas · 03/09/2019 23:03

@Derbee yes it is neglect and that's not just these days.

MadameJosephine · 03/09/2019 23:03

I’d report it, IMO these children are too young to be left alone. If police have been called to the home previously the family may already be know to the local safeguarding team.

If you’re not sure give the NSPCC a call and discuss it with them, if they think it’s necessary they can refer to children’s services without using your name

unitednations · 03/09/2019 23:04

Some people on here have no idea what 'neglect ' is.

Leaving children asleep for 20 mins is not neglect. There is no law that requires a minimum age that a child can be left alone.

mynameisMrG · 03/09/2019 23:04

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time on here op.

My child protection training always centred around ‘if you have a niggle report it. They will then decide what to do with the information’. If you are uncomfortable call them and ask advice. They may disregard it and if so no harm done. Or it might be a further piece of information about a family they are already concerned about. I would ring if it was making me this uncomfortable.

Yabbers · 03/09/2019 23:06

You seem to have no idea how old the children are, which seems strange given you know their exact movements at 6.15 every morning.

I would check your actual facts before disrupting their lives so much with a report to SS.

I am also really surprised so many people are suggesting you offer to babysit their kids every morning for 20 minutes at the crack of dawn though. Seems unrealistic. Would also be over stepping.

Usingmyindoorvoice · 03/09/2019 23:06

So, just a suggestion, you pop over and introduce yourself as their new neighbour, mention you’ve noticed they do an early morning run and tell your neighbour that in an emergency their dc can call you, and whilst you can’t actually babysit you’ll keep an eye out until she returns

Happyspud · 03/09/2019 23:06

Thankfully some people on here have no idea what ‘neglect’ is.

Miscella · 03/09/2019 23:08

It is concerning how many people on this thread think this is ok.

It is not ok to leave such young children on their own, even for this relatively short period, on a daily basis.

Longlongsummer · 03/09/2019 23:08

I do think you are right to be concerned. If everyone behaved like some posters saying you are acting like a nosey stalker then many children would be left in abusive and neglectful situations.

A small child can panic especially if they woke up, which could easily happen.

It’s not the call SS immediately say scenario. However why not? They are set up, like you said, to build a picture.

I’ve been in a similar position and it was tricky. It was a friend who was concerned. We both took advice from social worker friends and agreed to keep a close eye, and phone SS if ongoing. However I feel a bit uneasy thinking I should have just called SS.

It’s your call.

HakunaRattatas · 03/09/2019 23:09

@Happyspud if you mean me sadly I do know what neglect is. And we have it here.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/09/2019 23:09

My child protection training always centred around ‘if you have a niggle report it. They will then decide what to do with the information’. If you are uncomfortable call them and ask advice. They may disregard it and if so no harm done. Or it might be a further piece of information about a family they are already concerned about. I would ring if it was making me this uncomfortable.

Mine too. I’m a volunteer with children and everything I have been told is along the lines of “You are not qualified to make judgement calls. Other people are. If you are concerned you don’t get involved yourself. You tell someone who is qualified to make the calls.”

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 03/09/2019 23:09

What I think QueenfLatifah meant is what often happens on these sorts of threads. OP posts details then when it quickly becomes clear that the initial response is unfavourable to the OP posts a subsequent drip feed post in which the person(s) they are talking about take on worse characteristics. Note on 2nd post they are volatile , oh and they had the police call, oh and they have immense arguments......

Happyspud · 03/09/2019 23:10

It’s not amazing but really @Miscella, what is sooooooo bad here? If the 8yr old can keep alongside the 3 yr old IF he/she wakes. And is capable of calling an ambulance or running to a neighbour. What really is the issue here?

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 03/09/2019 23:12

The DP should be cycling to work if it's only a 10 minute car journey. I think it's very wrong, what they're doing.

Pmsl at everyone urging the op to babysit her neighbour's children every morning from 6.15am!

unitednations · 03/09/2019 23:12

I do think that our comments on here are based on our moral compass and own assessment what we think risk is

It is not neglect - there would not appear to be the ongoing failure to meet the child's basic needs.

Asta19 · 03/09/2019 23:12

These sort of threads make me laugh. I was a little under 5 when my sister was born. From when she hit about 1 I was often left to look after her. Not ideal no. But my mum knew I was sensible and if there was any issue I should take my sister and knock next door. By 8 or 9 I would absolutely expect a sensible child to know what to do in an emergency. Especially nowadays with mobile phones.

Shortfeet · 03/09/2019 23:14

Please, do not report.

Original poster
Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 23:14

Thanks for the more reasonable responses. And by reasonable I mean not refering to me as a stalker! I cant help if my routine means I see them on a daily basis at the same time Blush I would never routinely leave my 2 x under 10yo dc alone consistently Monday to fri at the same time, I get for a one off emergency it isn't the end of the world but this isn't a one off.
I wouldnt be against striking up conversation but I genuinely dont see her apart from this morning period. Then I'm at work all day and she doesn't emerge at night.

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 03/09/2019 23:14

I don't think this is worth reporting.

PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi · 03/09/2019 23:14

Don't be silly OP! Ignore some of these absolutely ridiculous responses.. of COURSE you should report it and then SS will make the decision whether or not it's worthy of taking further.

You would be entirely in the wrong to not raise your concerns here. Please ignore the stupid liberals on here who'd tell you to ignore all sorts of shit

HakunaRattatas · 03/09/2019 23:15

@Asta19 everything that happened in the past was the right thing to do. In an emergency an 8 year old will always do the best thing as we know. And it's an acceptable level of pressure to put on them too!

Yellowpolkadot · 03/09/2019 23:16

Better to report it and SS to say it’s nothing, then to not report and something to happen. You’d feel eternally guilty.

If the police have been called multiple times to their house I imagine they are likely on SS radar. They may put in a bit of support for them.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 03/09/2019 23:18

Exactly what CatherineofAragon said. It is never the quiet, polite Boden-wearere doing it is it? It's always the volatile, scruffy chavs.

Just mind your own business, the likelihood of anything happening in 20 minutes is tiny.

I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't judge anyone who has to do it either.

As for shit like noticing she hasn't locked the door, I just don't get people like you. How do you find the time and energy to notice such minutiae.

Hmmmmminteresting · 03/09/2019 23:18

This reply has been deleted

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lifeinthedeep · 03/09/2019 23:20

Personally, I wouldn’t leave young kids alone like that. Equally, I don’t think it’s a valid reason to call social services. It’s a judgment call.

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