Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be freaking out about a GP appointment? [warning: possibly triggering]

142 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 11:55

Name change for this.

I managed to get a GP appointment today because I'm really struggling to deal with a sexual assault which happened a few weeks ago (it was in public, during the day, two strangers). I tried to put it out of my mind and just carry on, but it's really not working and I've kind of got to the point of recognising that I need help. I tried to mention it in an appointment a few weeks ago, but I chickened out.

... I'm sooo stressed that I'm either going to chicken out and cancel the appointment altogether, or that I will flake out when I get there and say "Oh, I just feel anxious, it's a combination of things" (which is what I said the last time...).

The things I'm freaking out about, in no particular order:

  • That I could have an STI
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment)
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work
  • That they'll tell me it's all my fault
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police
  • That I'll just start crying.

Please, somebody just tell me to be an adult and stop catastrophising!

OP posts:
SandunesAndRainclouds · 02/09/2019 11:59

Can you write down what’s happened and your concerns and just hand it to the GP? Then you don’t have to say anything...

BlackNoir · 02/09/2019 12:00

The things I'm freaking out about, in no particular order:

  • That I could have an STI you may
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my childwhy do you think this?
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment)they may, but you can decline
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to workDo you want to go back?
  • That they'll tell me it's all my faultThey won't and it's not
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police They won't be angry, you don't have to report it, but you still can if you want to
  • That I'll just start crying.It's OK if you do

Please go and try not to worry. Show them what you have written here maybe?

BlackNoir · 02/09/2019 12:01

Bold fail, sorry.

Herocomplex · 02/09/2019 12:04

Take it slowly. Is there anyone that could go with you? It’s incredibly stressful and you are being very brave. Well done for deciding to go to the GP, it’s the start of getting in control again.

I’m so sorry you were assaulted, you deserve help now.

FoxFoxSierra · 02/09/2019 12:04

Well done for making the appointment! Writing down what you want to say is a really good idea, then if you feel like you're going to clam up or cry you can just hand it over and let them read it. You could call rape crisis for support too, they can help you

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 12:04

I've written it down so that if all else fails I can just hand it over. With a bit more detail than what I've posted here..

@BlackNoir

  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child why do you think this? I don't know! No particular reason... I just feel like it was my fault and if I can't look after myself, how can I be fit to look after a small child?
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment) they may, but you can decline Good to know.
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work Do you want to go back? Yes, I think so.
OP posts:
tiggerbounce77 · 02/09/2019 12:05

Your doctor should be supportive, they will not blame you, they may ask to examine you but you can decline, they may ask if you have reported it, you dont have to.

Tableclothing · 02/09/2019 12:09

GP can't/won't do anything to you that you don't consent to.

There is absolutely nothing in your OP that suggests social services would take any interest in your family whatsoever.

You need to give the GP enough information to make sure you get the right kind of help. This may be difficult, but it will be worth it. If you say you're feeling generally anxious, then you'll likely be offered anxiety meds and a referral for low-intensity taking therapies for Generalised Anxiety. This is probably not going to be very helpful. It sounds like you may benefit from counselling, possibly trauma-specific, or EMDR. To get referred for this, or for an assessment by a psychologist or psychiatrist, you need to let the GP know that you are struggling because of an assault. You may end up crying in the appointment. That's OK. That's why they all have boxes of tissues. It might be helpful to you to a) request a female GP when you ring b) write some of the information down, so you don't need to say it aloud. That's OK too.

OrangeSlices998 · 02/09/2019 12:11

I am so sorry for what you've been through. Your GP is a good start to getting some things checked over, particularly for sexual health. They are a good resource for emotional support but a local Rape Crisis/Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) may have more specialist support.

Your GP shouldn't really offer an internal examination if you have no symptoms, and if they do want to do one ask why, and if you don't want one you are entitled and free to decline.

You don't have to inform the police if you don't want to, that's entirely your choice. You can decide at a later stage to do this if it feels right, and noone should pressure you to do so.

It's okay if you cry.

Having worked in a SARC I can tell you not every person with children who was a victim was referred to SS, some were if there were other factors/issues relating to needing further support or input. The GP wouldn't automatically refer you.

What happened isn't your fault, it's the fault of the people that committed this crime.

Flowers
Kyvia · 02/09/2019 12:11

In many places you can self-refer to a SARC (sexual assault referral centre) without going to your GP first. They’re specially set up to support you both with physical health needs & emotionally/mentally. Sorry you’re going though this FlowersFlowers

Cryalot2 · 02/09/2019 12:12

Flowers you are so brave, you have made the drs appointment.

What happened to you was not your fault in any way.
You have been given good advice by the others , wishing you well _

Tableclothing · 02/09/2019 12:12

Doctors know that for most people, going to work is good for mental health. It's a routine, it gets you to meet people, it gets you out of the house, many people enjoy their jobs, get a sense of achievement, many people get support from friendly colleagues, also they earn more money than ssp so maintain quality of life.
If you want to go to work it is extremely likely that the gp will support you in this. It might be helpful to have a phased return and the doc can write a note to that effect.

Graphista · 02/09/2019 12:17

You poor thing. Please don't cancel!

The things I'm freaking out about, in no particular order:

  • That I could have an STI you might, but the sooner you know the sooner you can get treatment
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child very unlikely they'd even contact social services nothing in your post suggests there'd be any need to and even if they did they are not monsters! I've had support from them due to MH issues and being a single parent it was fine
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment) not weird at all that you're feeling uncomfortable about this at the moment. They will not do this unless absolutely necessary and you agree and if it is necessary and you agree they will try and reassure you and make you as comfortable as possible and even IF you agree you can withdraw consent at any point
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work very unlikely long term, might advise/support you to take some time off till you're feeling more up to it
  • That they'll tell me it's all my fault very unlikely and even if they did say something thoughtless please be assured it's NOT your fault
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police again extremely unlikely, they might suggest it as an option but that's your choice
  • That I'll just start crying.patients cry all the time in appointments, I can't remember the last appointment I had where I didn't cry! They're absolutely used to this just part of the job
Tonnerre · 02/09/2019 12:17

If you've got an STI, it needs to be dealt with.
There is no way you'll be referred to social services for asking for support.

You can refuse an internal examination if you really don't want it.
On the face of it it's unlikely that they'll tell you not to go back to work if you want to. You don't have to follow their advice anyway.
There is no way your doctor will say it's all your fault.
It's unlikely in the extreme that they'll have any view about you going to the police, unless maybe they think it will help you - but that wouldn't make them angry. The doctor's remit is your health, not law enforcement.
Doctors are incredibly used to people crying.

StupidSlimyGit · 02/09/2019 12:18

I'm so sorry this has happened to you Flowers

  • That I could have an STI
Checking would be best, medical things can be sorted if doctors know
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child
They won't, you've put you couldn't look after yourself later, but you can! Being assaulted does NOT in any way mean you can't look after yourself. It means someone else was more powerful (mentally or physically) and used that against you
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination
They might, as said you can refuse, you can also insist on a female doctor
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work
They won't unless you tell them you can't face it and don't want to
  • That they'll tell me it's all my fault
100% they won't, it isn't your fault, you have every right to exist and live without being assaulted.
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police
They won't be angry, they might be sad you didn't feel able, they will likely suggest going but they won't force you to and they won't be angry.
  • That I'll just start crying
That's OK, it's one of the bodies healing mechanisms. Cry if you need too
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 12:23

I'm at the end of my maternity leave and I was actually quite looking forward to going back to work, @Tableclothing, what you say makes a lot of sense and I hope that the GP will see it the same way.

I actually spoke to somebody at the SARC at the weekend, they said it was too late to do forensic but they suggested I come and talk to their special police officer to get some info and ideas about whether I'd like to report it. But the lady suggested I go to the GP or a Sexual Health clinic to get checked out the STI situation...

OP posts:
Dec2019mumtobe · 02/09/2019 12:31

Oh OP Thanks

Half of that isn't going to happen for certain. No GP will ORDER you not to go back to work and I can't see why they'd want to tell SS or say you're not fit to look after your kids.

And remember, they can't examine you without consent so don't even worry about that. If they ask to and you can't go through with it, you can say no before it even starts.

Your GP will be understanding and I'm sure will have seen other similar/sensitive cases in their career. They'll also have had training for what to do/say etc when you tell them why you're there.

Why not write down what happened, or just the bare bones of what you need to tell them and your concerns? Maybe bullet point style? That way if you clam up or if you can't verbalise it, you can just pass over the piece of paper?

OrangeSlices998 · 02/09/2019 12:32

@NotMyRealName11 Do the SARC have counselling/therapy you could access?

ElizaDee · 02/09/2019 12:34
Flowers
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 12:35

@OrangeSlice998 They do, but the lady I spoke to told me that their waiting lists are closed at the moment.

@Dec2019mumtobe I did write it down but it took me like 3 attempts! It just looks horrible on paper and I feel so ashamed...

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/09/2019 12:37

I'm so sorry. I remember your other thread.

Why don't you write all this down and hand it to your doctor? It means you won't miss anything out and gives him/her the chance to understand all your concerns without you having to say them. You can just bullet point them to make it easier for you and him/her.

HollowTalk · 02/09/2019 12:38

Of course it looks horrible on paper - it was a terrible thing that happened to you. Your doctor will have nothing but sympathy for you.

Does your partner know what happened, OP?

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/09/2019 12:39

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. The only people who should be ashamed are the arseholes who did this to you. Flowers

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 12:40

@HollowTalk No. I know I should tell him, but I'm just so afraid that he'll never feel the same about me again. And he is a wonderful, sympathetic, down-to-earth guy - there is no reason to think that, but I do!

OP posts:
justilou1 · 02/09/2019 12:45

Oh, huge handhold darling!!! You are being very brave!!! The sooner you do it, the better you will feel! I promise you, wondering is much worse than the reality!!!! (I am only just speaking about what happened to me 35 years ago!) Please get it off your chest before it becomes an even bigger monster. It was not your fault!!!