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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be freaking out about a GP appointment? [warning: possibly triggering]

142 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 11:55

Name change for this.

I managed to get a GP appointment today because I'm really struggling to deal with a sexual assault which happened a few weeks ago (it was in public, during the day, two strangers). I tried to put it out of my mind and just carry on, but it's really not working and I've kind of got to the point of recognising that I need help. I tried to mention it in an appointment a few weeks ago, but I chickened out.

... I'm sooo stressed that I'm either going to chicken out and cancel the appointment altogether, or that I will flake out when I get there and say "Oh, I just feel anxious, it's a combination of things" (which is what I said the last time...).

The things I'm freaking out about, in no particular order:

  • That I could have an STI
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment)
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work
  • That they'll tell me it's all my fault
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police
  • That I'll just start crying.

Please, somebody just tell me to be an adult and stop catastrophising!

OP posts:
Starheart · 02/09/2019 12:53

I just wanted to say that this will be hard to do but you will feel better for going . They will understand it's difficult to talk about something so traumatic . I know going for such tests can be scary , I've been there myself with an assault but it's the best thing for you . Crying is a natural response to a difficult experience so please don't worry . I would suggest if you can book a double appointment to give yourself more time at the appointment . Writing it down is a good idea if you worry you will find it difficult to discuss . You have already been brave taking the first steps and asking for help here . Please take the next step . Thinking of you . Thanks

Dec2019mumtobe · 02/09/2019 12:53

You've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn't matter if you were blind drunk dancing out in the street naked with a sign around your neck saying "free hugs", nobody has the right to touch you in any way without your consent. ThanksThanks

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 13:02

That made me laugh for the first time in ages - thank you :D

I've just come up with another worry for my list: I'm afraid that it's going to upset the doctor!

OP posts:
justilou1 · 02/09/2019 13:14

If it does, they’re in the wrong gig!

threeamclub · 02/09/2019 13:20

@NotMyRealName11 what actually happened? Definitely report to the doctor, they're there to help you Thanks

BlackNoir · 02/09/2019 13:52

@threeamclub why do you need to know what happened? We don't need details at all.

OrangeSlices998 · 02/09/2019 13:53

@NotMyRealName11 That's really normal but I promise, it's their job and they're there to listen.

There are lots of charities, sadly, that provide support. Rape Crisis have lots of centres and a helpline too. Depending where you live, there may be multiple options for you to seek support.

What happened is NOT your fault. Shame is normal, but you did nothing to deserve what took place.

dollydaydream114 · 02/09/2019 14:06

First of all, this is a horrible thing to happen to you and you have my every sympathy Flowers

If you do have an STI, it is absolutely vital that it's diagnosed so you can deal with it, so please do get checked, for yourself and for your partner. You're probably clear, but if you're not, you deserve so much better than to go untreated. Getting checked now could make things so, so much easier in the unlikely event that you have caught anything.

If they want to do an internal exam and you don't want that, they will understand why - you would certainly not be the first woman to be phobic about this, for all sorts of reasons. And honestly, it doesn't matter in the least if you cry! GPs have people crying in their offices all the time about much smaller things than this, believe me. I am not someone who cries much and I once cried and cried in my GP's office for about 15 minutes over something traumatic, and he was totally sympathetic and just gave me a million tissues.

There is absolutely NO reason whatsoever that they would even ask about your children, so you can rule that out straightaway.

Regarding work, they might ask if you're working and they might ask if you would like some time off, as they could sign you off if you needed them to - but they certainly won't make you if you don't want to. I'm pretty sure lots of women in this situation prefer to keep busy, and they will understand that.

I promise your GP will have seen other women in your situation.

They will NOT think it's your fault at all. They will NOT be angry that you didn't go to the police (they will probably ask you if you did and/or want to, but they won't be angry that you didn't or won't).

dollydaydream114 · 02/09/2019 14:07

@threeamclub Nobody needs to know the full details of what happened. Don't be so bloody insensitive.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/09/2019 14:19

Hi OP

Have you googled STI checks in your area? I only ask because in my area they are done through a different service (as is some contraceptives like coils etc) and the GP doesnt refer you, you just make an appointment.

It might put your mind at rest to know that at the service in my area, you can self sample (I think unless you have any symptoms that they need to look at) so they give you a swab to use on yourself. If your GP does the tests in your area and you dont feel comfortable with them, you can ask if they can give you the swab to do it yourself if you still want the test?

The GP should want to help you, they are not going to want you to do anything you dont want to go, for instance stop you going back to work if you want to.

I'm so sorry this happened to you but it really really wasnt even remotely your fault. I hope it goes well at the GP and all of us here will be thinking of you and wishing you well

MrsGarethSouthgate · 02/09/2019 14:20

@NotMyRealName11

On your other thread you mention worrying that if you report it now the police will be annoyed that you didn't do so straight away? Police here, and that's definitely not the case at all. If and when you decide, no-one will be annoyed.

It's true that as time passes the chances of recovering some types of evidence are lowered, such as forensics or CCTV, but that's not your responsibility. Report it if and when you are ready to do so, no pressure. Flowers

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 14:21

Yeah, I would prefer not to go into all the details about what happened here, if that's ok. Apart from anything else, I don't think people come here expecting to read that stuff and I'd worry that it might come as a shock to someone who was feeling vulnerable themselves and put them in a bad place. Does that make any sense?!

MIL has just been round to pick up my daughter (they are going to spend the afternoon together, which they both should enjoy Smile ) and I am about to head out to the appointment. So, no turning back now!

Thank you so much everyone, for the hand hold. I might quite easily have flaked out and cancelled the appointment otherwise.

OP posts:
purplepandas · 02/09/2019 14:24

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck op, I hope the GP is helpful Flowers

MsMarvellous · 02/09/2019 14:30

I hope you get through this ok OP. It's a brave thing you're doing taking steps forwards.

HaveeeeYouMetTed · 02/09/2019 14:32

Best of luck OP Flowers

Dec2019mumtobe · 02/09/2019 14:34

Good luck speaking with the Dr. Xx

M3lon · 02/09/2019 14:36

op

It is entirely understandable that you are struggling with these thoughts. You have been assaulted and the trauma of that has temporarily impacted your mental processes.

I wonder if it would be helpful to reframe all this. If you had been attacked in the street by someone who randomly broke your leg, you would be able to seek treatment without all the worries you now have. The thing is that there is no difference between that and your current situation regarding your right to treatment, your right to report or not to the police as you choose, and most importantly no difference in where the responsibility lies (entirely with the attackers).

If you had a broken leg, would you be thinking it was your fault at all?
Would you be worried about social services to take your kids away?
Would you be looking in the mirror and hating yourself?
Would you be considering leaving it untreated?

One final point, the doctor may well be upset. Doctors are human and when they find out something terrible has happened to someone, I'm sure they feel upset. I'm upset and I'm not even in the same room! We should ALL be upset that something so horrible has happened to someone who did not in any sense deserve it. But that is NOT YOUR FAULT and it is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

You can cry, and we will cry with you, because the world can be a very unfair place, where such bad things happen to such good people. Flowers

Iwantacookie · 02/09/2019 14:43

Op firstly it is NOT your fault.
I've been there and it took me about 4 appointments before I could say anything.
I agree with writing it down. That does really help.
Good luck

Silenceissilver · 02/09/2019 14:48

I’m so sorry OP, you’ve had a horrible time of it Flowers
he things I'm freaking out about, in no particular order:*

  • That I could have an STI
if you do, it’s important that you can get the medication needed to cure it. A lot of STIs nowadays are very treatable
  • That they'll contact social services and tell them I'm not fit to look after my child
there’s no reason for them to even consider this
  • That they'll want to do an internal examination (and natch I've had this before, I just have a weird phobia about it at this moment)
a lot of women have phobias about this. Medical professionals are trained to examine women who have history of assault or even just women who are scared of internal exams. Remember; if you really cannot face it, they cannot and will not do anything without your consent
  • That they'll tell me I mustn't go back to work
that depends on how you’re coping. If this happens, it’ll be because they think it’s necessary for you and will help you
  • That they'll tell me it's all my fault
they will NOT do that!!!!! Because it’s not your fault!!!!!
  • That they'll be angry because I didn't go to the police
they might suggest reporting it for your own sake but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s nothing to do with them and they certainly won’t get angry with you. Remember, medical professionals are there to help you. They’re not there to be the moral police
  • That I'll just start crying.
OP, I’ll be frank. I cry every single time I go to a doctor’s appointment. It doesn’t matter what it is for- tonsillitis, thrush, piles, pregnancy issues- I cry! The doctor is always sympathetic and always tries to put me at ease. You’ve been through something awful and your doctor will not mind you crying one bit. They see people in tears all the time. It’s a normal human reaction to fear/anxiety/nerves and they will not mind you crying especially after what you’ve been through

I really hope you get the support and care you need Flowers

M3lon · 02/09/2019 15:19

Glad you are going OP.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 02/09/2019 15:38

I hope your appointment went well OP. Telling someone is the first step to recovery and any GP worth their salt won't blame you, report you to SS or insist on invasive procedures.
I have PTSD as the result of a sexual assault and had similar fears to you but they were unfounded and every health care professional I've met has been understanding and helpful. Unfortunately I also have some gynaecological issues but whenever I need to see my GP about them I book a double appointment and she's so gentle and kind with me and knows I need my handholding through things (sometimes literally). She's an absolute marvel. I hope your GP is similar. Definitely get yourself some chocolate/wine/flowers/other treat of your choice when it's over.

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/09/2019 16:12

It was... I'm struggling to find something positive to say but... not very helpful! My usual GP is on annual leave, so it was one I'd never seen before. I managed like, 2 sentences, and then got stuck and gave her the bullet points I'd written. I guess she wanted to be sensitive, but she didn't actually acknowledge what I'd written at all! She basically went down the line of, "so you're having anxiety and paranoid thoughts, let's prescribe some antidepressants" and recommended Mirtazapine. I wasn't super keen and she said, "well, I don't know how to help you if you're just going to say no to anything I suggest!" But I don't think that I feel actually depressed, it's more just like intrusive paranoid fears and thoughts and random panic. So then she suggested that she did a psychiatrist referral because paranoia could indicate psychosis. And then I got upset and said I was asking for help because of what had happened and I'd written it down because I couldn't say it, but I was upset because she hadn't even acknowledged it. And then I left - I didn't even take my note with me, unfortunately!

So now I've got a "patient walked out" black mark and nothing else to show for it :( I know I was rude to do that, but I just felt so upset!

OP posts:
Tonnerre · 02/09/2019 16:14

Oh dear. What a useless doctor, I'm so sorry, OP. Can you get an appointment with your usual doctor as soon as they're back?

M3lon · 02/09/2019 16:15

So sorry to hear that. Doctors are human - and like the rest of us, sometimes they make mistakes and fail to be empathetic when needed.

Could you go back when your normal GP is around? Could you see a different doctor?

Can you go straight to a clinic for STI testing?

OrangeSlices998 · 02/09/2019 16:17

I'm so sorry she didn't even read or acknowledge what you had written. It's really frustrating, given you've taken the step of going in.

Can you speak to your own GP when she's back?

You went, which is a big step. I hope you're okay Flowers