Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not remind DH to pack...for the umpteenth time?

86 replies

fanaticalfairy · 01/09/2019 18:55

So, DH is doing the Land's End to John o'Groats bike ride next week.

We leave early on Friday morning to go to LE.

He has needed to pack his kit for this, to find out what is missing... if his kit will fit into the bag I have borrowed for him...

Kit will include sleeping bag, roll mats, toiletries, clothes for all weathers for cycling and at camp, shoes for camp, spare parts for bike, as well as all theother paraphenalia.

Now he's had this bag for around 3 weeks...and had many a free weekend and evening to do this.

I have reminded him to do a 'test pack' since getting the bag for him.

Has he done it? No.

He has this evening, some of monday eve, tues eve, maybe an hour on weds eve and all thursday evening "left" to pack.

He usually gets in from work around 6:30 - as shops are closing....

Now, I have reminded and reminded him, and said reasons like "It will give us plenty of tome to get stuff/different bag etc"

so..after all that AND saying this morning that maybe he should pack today, so we can get stuff this afternoon.... nothing has moved.... AIBU to not remind him again?

OP posts:

Cookit · 01/09/2019 18:57

I wouldn’t think anymore about it, clearly his responsibility.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2019 19:00

I wouldn't even consider reminding him again, unless, of course, you want to be his mummy. His stuff, his responsibility.

pollywollydoodler · 01/09/2019 19:00

He's an adult. Leave him to it. Don't bail him out. If he needs anything he sorts it out without delaying the start of your holiday .

Templetonstunafish · 01/09/2019 19:01

I have come to the point of just watching OH be cold on holiday as he is incapable of packing a jumper. I think of it as practise for the kids, gotta let him sink or swim on his own.

Settlersofcatan · 01/09/2019 19:02

I don't understand why you're so involved in his packing. I wouldn't have a clue which bag my DH was packing in, let alone whether he had packed it

Mygirlpoppy · 01/09/2019 19:02

Agree with Cookit. He’s a grown man - his responsibility.

mummymeister · 01/09/2019 19:03

why do you think he does this? (I am assuming he does this sort of thing for every trip you go on)

He does it because he can. Because he knows you will bail him out every time. so dont. he is an adult. stop making his drama your crisis. if it all goes to shit its his problem not yours.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 01/09/2019 19:06

Don't remind him - you aren't his mum, and he is a grown adult.

Just don't let him drag you into any last minute panics - be cheerful, vague, "I'm sure you'll sort it out, darling", etc - and refuse to dash out on any shopping trips for him.

He'll probably be fine. If he's a big enough boy to cycle the length of the country, he's a big enough boy to pack his own bag.

Longdistance · 01/09/2019 19:13

Leave him to it. My dh did the three peaks challenge and packed his own bag, I never get involved in his packing, he’s a grown adult.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 01/09/2019 19:17

So you aren't cycling with him, just dropping him off then doing your own thing?

Dont say a word, it wont effect you if he fucks up. Why is it even in your head to sort it? Why did you borrow the bag or get involved at all with his kit list? I have not a clue what dh needs to take with him on his cycling trips. I've never even thought to look into it. Stop trying to organise another adult. You aren't involved, stop trying to make him pack the way you would.

RainOrSun · 01/09/2019 19:19

The onlybyime I have attempted packing morethan 24 hrs before departure were the 2 times we were moving internationally, and needed to know what fitted in the suitcases, because everything else we possessed needed to go in the container to go on a boat.

He's a grown man. Let him be.

TanMateix · 01/09/2019 19:24

YABU, that’s how men learn. Let him pack the bag and deal with the consequences of whatever he won’t have time to find.

But...

If you are also joining him on this trip, you have two options: 1) pack his bag or 2)Ride much faster than him so you don’t have to pick up the mess caused by his lack of preparation.

Leeds2 · 01/09/2019 19:28

Leave him be. You have reminded him. Up to him if he listens.

Jennifer2r · 01/09/2019 19:29

I never pack til 10 minutes before I leave the house.

Purplejay · 01/09/2019 19:32

He is a grown up. Leave him to it. You are not his mum!

Its still a week away!

Windydaysuponus · 01/09/2019 19:32

Over the past few years dh has forgotten his toothbrush, entire toiletries bag, towel, walking shoes, coat.
Never remind him..
He is a grown man.

Reallynowdear · 01/09/2019 19:33

Leave him to it.

BeenThereDone · 01/09/2019 19:38

Nope and when he's running around on Thursday and pleading for help, say nope again....
I had to do this a couple of weeks ago when ds was going away.... I was nagging he said, he'd do it, he said.... So I shut up, sat back and arranged a girly lunch... He managed.

AtiaoftheJulii · 01/09/2019 19:40

Of course you're NBU - what's been U has been all the nagging at him already, getting a bag for him etc. Just leave him to it!

Drum2018 · 01/09/2019 19:43

YABU to be reminding him countless times. He's an adult and can sort himself.

'So we can get stuff this afternoon' - what's this about? Do you need to get stuff for the trip too? If so just get your stuff and let him sort his own. Stop mothering him.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/09/2019 19:46

If you're going too, then I can see how it might be in your interests to make sure he has the right kit etc, so as to avoid unnecessary whingeing.
But if you're not going, then leave him to do his own organisation.

Original poster

fanaticalfairy · 01/09/2019 19:52

The only reason I got the bag, is I borrowed it from the dofe dept at work. So that's how I know what bag he's packing in...

I am leaving him to it...

OP posts:

AskMeHow · 01/09/2019 20:09

Why on earth doesn't he have his own bag?

He sounds extraordinarily ill prepared for an endeavour like that.

Myriade · 01/09/2019 20:14

Leave him. Some people, like my H, only learn by putting themselves in the shit before they realise that you were right in the first place. Something to do with accepting that their wife is right I think....

And please don’t help him if he messes up. Not your circus.

Having said that some people get ready at the last minute. That’s who they are and maybe your ur DH is one of them (I know I am)

GetOffTheTableMabel · 01/09/2019 20:17

Agree with FineWordsForAPorcupine, if you’re going to leave him to it, you have to also have the resolve to breezing brush him off and not allow him to draw you into any last minute panics. If you know you’ll end up give in and bailing him out later then there’s no point leaving him to it now.
Now my children are teenagers, I pack for no one. It is thoroughly liberating. I start every trip happy instead of frazzled.

Flip

1 2 3 4