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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not remind DH to pack...for the umpteenth time?

86 replies

fanaticalfairy · 01/09/2019 18:55

So, DH is doing the Land's End to John o'Groats bike ride next week.

We leave early on Friday morning to go to LE.

He has needed to pack his kit for this, to find out what is missing... if his kit will fit into the bag I have borrowed for him...

Kit will include sleeping bag, roll mats, toiletries, clothes for all weathers for cycling and at camp, shoes for camp, spare parts for bike, as well as all theother paraphenalia.

Now he's had this bag for around 3 weeks...and had many a free weekend and evening to do this.

I have reminded him to do a 'test pack' since getting the bag for him.

Has he done it? No.

He has this evening, some of monday eve, tues eve, maybe an hour on weds eve and all thursday evening "left" to pack.

He usually gets in from work around 6:30 - as shops are closing....

Now, I have reminded and reminded him, and said reasons like "It will give us plenty of tome to get stuff/different bag etc"

so..after all that AND saying this morning that maybe he should pack today, so we can get stuff this afternoon.... nothing has moved.... AIBU to not remind him again?

OP posts:
thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 07/09/2019 05:19

You sound a bit over invested in this. I would have just left my other half to it.

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 07/09/2019 05:25

Just come home from 10 days in France.

For the week running up to going I kept reminding DP to pack, reminded him again and again and again.

He eventually got cocky and said he wasnt going to pack until 3pm on the day we leave.. that's exactly what he did... he also forgot to bring any towels, forgot his phone charger, which is different to mine so we could even share (Grin) and only packed one pair of trainers in 38 degree heat, leaving the brand new sandals I bought him in the wardrobe.

Ha ha ha. I thought, what a twat.

But as usual I did get the brunt of it and had to listen to him whine and cry the entire time. Especially sat by the pool in shin length socks and trainers. Haaaaa

RightYesButNo · 07/09/2019 05:33

I saw this thread when it first went up and I’m back now on Friday morning when OP’s DP is supposed to go, to see if he’ll be leaving with one sock, no toothbrush, can’t fit his extra equipment, and a forgotten phone.

Good luck, OP - don’t let the “man” get you down; even if the man in this case is actually your DP and less of an abstract idea. Grin

Mothership4two · 07/09/2019 05:46

You are right to leave him to it. He's a grown man. If he leaves it too late to buy stuff, then he will only have himself to blame.

RebootYourEngine · 07/09/2019 05:57

Blatantly place marking to see if OPs dh forgot anything.

MotherOfSoupDragons · 07/09/2019 06:04

So what happened, @fanaticalfairy?

bunnypenny · 07/09/2019 06:05

If he forgets anything it’s really not a big deal. He’ll pass shops (or can take a detour) and pick anything up along the way. All he’ll have to do is carry it to the next base camp (in his saddle bag or whatever) and then drop it off/pack it. I did it a few years ago and it was fine. Good luck to your husband - be prepared for him to be in a complete bubble tho, it’s hard going!

LellyMcKelly · 07/09/2019 06:22

We really need to stop babying men. They hold down jobs, sometimes very responsible jobs. They’re not packing because they’re lazy and think we should do it for them like their mum did, even though they are perfectly, PERFECTLY, capable. Let him get on with it. If he screws it up he screws it up.

finn1020 · 07/09/2019 06:40

Why would you even remind him once? My partner is going away for a week early tomorrow and hasn’t started packing. I’m not about to remind him about anything as he’s perfectly capable of organising himself. Why are you babying a grown adult man?

RainOrSun · 07/09/2019 06:43

GoneToTheDock I'm not the 10min before I go packer, but definitely not more than 24hrs before we go. Surely you know what you own? So, you know you have everything for daily living in current climate, and just need a brief thought as to what different you need for the holiday location. That doesn't involve actually putting stuff into cases, but I guess it is perhaps mental packing more than a day before you go?

BlueBirdGreenFence · 07/09/2019 07:04

What all did he forget OP?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 07/09/2019 07:49

At what point in a relationship does it suddenly shift into being the woman's job to remind the man to pack, make sure he has everything he needs, and even pack the sodding case for him??

Does the man say to his partner one holiday "oh, by the way, I can't be bothered to pack ever again. You do it from now on" or does the woman just take it upon herself? How does this dynamic between them arise?

I'm concerned, because I don't currently live with my boyfriend, so things like how his suitcases get packed, what he eats or how he acquires new underpants are all none of my business. But I'm concerned that, if we move in together, this all might somehow become my job.

How does this shifting of responsibility happen? When is the FIRST time you think "oh, now I have to buy my partners underwear for him"?

Settlersofcatan · 07/09/2019 08:54

Finewords I always wonder this too.

I have been married for over 10 years and it hasn't happened yet!

AmIbeingTreasonable · 07/09/2019 09:01

Are you married to a 12 year old? 🤔

Vulpine · 07/09/2019 09:04

Ive never reminded my dh to pack

AdoraBell · 07/09/2019 09:07

Finewords according to my PIL it happens when you get married.

Apparently I am deliberately awkward because I don’t treat their son a like child/deity Hmm

Fanatical YANBU, if he is an adult he can pack his own bag.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 07/09/2019 09:08

Finewords - I've wondered that too. Having spoken gently to a few friends who do all this, theres 1 who's Dh went from living at home and his mum doing all this, to moving in with her, and it just was made clear to her by her MIL it was now her job, and she didn't think to question it (they lived together very young) . The others seemed to see it as "what couples do", they effectively just started doing it without conversations about it and the men quite liked suddenly not having to do dull bits of being a grown up.

Dh is another keen cyclist, I genuinely wouldn't have a clue what he would need to pack, for his trips away with his hobby, I wouldn't even give a second thought, so I'd have no idea it might be an issue to fit everything in the bag.

On the other hand, he showed zero interest in what I packed for my recent spa break with friends...

funnylittlefloozie · 07/09/2019 09:08

I always got stressed about packing for my ex-H because he would get nasty if/when he found out that he'd forgotten things. We also didnt have tons of spare money, so I hated him wasting money buying new stuff that we already had at home.

dudsville · 07/09/2019 09:12

I've never reminded an adult to pack. I would be annoyed if someone tried to organise me to pack according to their notion if the right way.

WeeDangerousSpike · 07/09/2019 09:16

If I had all that time left to pack and someone constantly nagging at me to do a 'test pack' (wtaf?) all it would do is make me not pack, even if I had planned to do it that very evening.

I do not reward bad behaviour.

Iggi999 · 07/09/2019 09:17

The OP won't be fucking rewarded by her dh actually being able to carry all the stuff he needs on his jolly. She'd probably be better off if he has to stay at home.

NerrSnerr · 07/09/2019 09:19

Finewords I have been living with my husband for about 13 years and married 6 and I don't pack for him. He's away this weekend, no idea what he has taken.

If we're going on a family holiday it's a joint effort for the children's stuff but we pack our own stuff ourselves.

Iggi999 · 07/09/2019 09:23

Finewords well I would say it's the children. If/when you have dcs, you start to pack for them. Because you know Florence will want her purple t-shirt and Lucifer will want his green teddy, not the red one. Etc. So now you are doing 3/4 of the packing and even if you leave space in a case for him to chuck his stuff in, you are still in a position of reminding or telling him to do so. I will do one reminder and after that he can forget it. This has led to trips on arrival abroad to find a shop selling pants for example, which pisses me off no end.
Same man is away just now without me and has packed alone just fine so I will be expecting more of this in future!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/09/2019 09:26

He's a grown man, and trust me, if you weren't there he'd cope just fine.

I too am interested in what the outcome of this was

Benes · 07/09/2019 09:26

Why would you remind an adult to pack? I'm assuming he knows it needs doing?

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