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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not remind DH to pack...for the umpteenth time?

86 replies

fanaticalfairy · 01/09/2019 18:55

So, DH is doing the Land's End to John o'Groats bike ride next week.

We leave early on Friday morning to go to LE.

He has needed to pack his kit for this, to find out what is missing... if his kit will fit into the bag I have borrowed for him...

Kit will include sleeping bag, roll mats, toiletries, clothes for all weathers for cycling and at camp, shoes for camp, spare parts for bike, as well as all theother paraphenalia.

Now he's had this bag for around 3 weeks...and had many a free weekend and evening to do this.

I have reminded him to do a 'test pack' since getting the bag for him.

Has he done it? No.

He has this evening, some of monday eve, tues eve, maybe an hour on weds eve and all thursday evening "left" to pack.

He usually gets in from work around 6:30 - as shops are closing....

Now, I have reminded and reminded him, and said reasons like "It will give us plenty of tome to get stuff/different bag etc"

so..after all that AND saying this morning that maybe he should pack today, so we can get stuff this afternoon.... nothing has moved.... AIBU to not remind him again?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 01/09/2019 20:19

Go out on Thursday night. If he isn’t sure about you going out say isn’t spending all weekend following you on your bike ride enough for you? I want to catch up with x! I’m all packed.

Evilmorty · 01/09/2019 20:23

I’m just here to say that my SIL packs for her husband. Confused Even if it is just one night.

And no, of course YANBU!

Skinnydecafflatte · 03/09/2019 06:48

@fanaticalfairy sooooo? Has he started packing yet? I’m over invested in this!

GoneToTheDock · 03/09/2019 06:52

@Jennifer2r

I never pack til 10 minutes before I leave the house.

So what happens if you dont have something you need? Hmm

Should have spotted we would have competitive mumsnet, I personally dont pack until 3 weeks after I get back

AmIThough · 03/09/2019 07:06

@Evilmorty I pack for my DP too Blush only because he does my head in by not packing until the very last second.

I do ask what he wants in his bag and tell him if there's anything missing it's his problem, though.

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 03/09/2019 07:09

Leave him too it, if he can organise this trip then he can organise packing and maybe having to take a few hours off work to go get what he needs. If he’s cold or wet or needs to borrow some bike oil or whatever then it’s up to him not you.

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 03/09/2019 07:10

It be a cold day in hell before I pack DW’s bag for a holiday!

ThanosSavedMe · 03/09/2019 07:10

Stop telling him to do it, it’s probably why he’s not doing it. Don’t get involved, let him do it in his own time, if he forgets something, that’s down to him not you.

Do you have children? Make sure you don’t do everything for them, let them pack their own stuff whether it be for holidays or school. It’s how to teach them independence.

lifecouldbeadream · 03/09/2019 07:22

Yep- let him get on with it. It’s natural consequences- if it doesn’t fit/he’s missing something the consequences will be his and a direct result of him being disorganised. He’s not a child, it’s not the first time he’s packed. Leave him to it. Don’t give it any more thought.

Shoxfordian · 03/09/2019 07:40

Are you his mother? Leave him to pack himself

GummyGoddess · 03/09/2019 07:47

I don't think I've ever packed DH's bag, he is perfectly able to think about what he will need. Don't remind him, he is capable but his laziness may come back to bite him.

aweedropofsancerre · 03/09/2019 07:49

He is an adult and your acting like his mother. Let him get on with it

Jennifer2r · 03/09/2019 10:34

Why I would be competitive about packing of all things.

I went on a long bike ride earlier in the year which involved overnight stops. I packed on the morning I left. My clothes were in my drawer, toothbrush, contact lenses, money, keys. I stopped at the bike shop for extra inner tubes on the way to the station.

If I'd had a partner insisting I packed the week before I'd have been furious. I'm an adult.

tillytrotter1 · 03/09/2019 12:48

Sounds like my OH, No, I don't need anything for the trip. It's about 3 weeks away, he insists he need nothing, airport shops are his lifeline. When his mother was still alive she would ask me, in front of him, does he need any [fill in anything] and couldn't understand when I said I don't know.

When we got married, 51 years ago, he had never purchased anything for himself. clothes, toileteries etc., it was a generational thing I think.

Evilmorty · 03/09/2019 14:06

AmIThough that’s already too much hassle for me, packing and asking what he wants in it. If I were packing for my DH he’d get whatever I felt like putting in. I’d probably put in all the clothes he’s too big to wear now anyway just to teach the lazy bastard to sort out his own shit. I already pack for me, 3 kids, the odds and sods like food and travel items, forget having to organise a grown man’s favourite pair of pants too! 😂

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 03/09/2019 14:17

depending where we are going I will physically pack the case/cases because dh like to simply fold stuff in half and pile it up in the centre, and close the lid. So approximately 40% of any case he packs is essentially empty
If we are going hand baggage only I can get more of my stuff in his bag or both of our belongings in a single bag!

However I do not put my hands on his stuff except to install it in the case, and I do not pass comment on what it or is not there

I am a last minute packer though and spend all my pre holiday days catching up with laundry to make sure anything I might want is clean :o

billy1966 · 03/09/2019 15:25

UABU to have reminded him so many times.

Once would have been more than enough.

NearlyGranny · 03/09/2019 15:31

If you remind him, you're assuming responsibility. If he then forgets anything, you risk it being perceived as your fault. I'd leave him to it and, if he does it in a rush, be deaf to any "Where's my..?" cries.

Likewise don't bail him out by chasing him in the car with missing bits of kit.

Is he packing his very own big boy (lycra) pants?!

thecatsthecats · 03/09/2019 15:53

When packing for holiday, if my husband is on a 60h week plus commute and I'm on an easy one, I'll happily assume responsibility for all the joint bits (toiletries, chargers etc), and I'll bung the requisite number of socks and pants from his drawer. The penultimate day, he'll put in the clothes he wants. The actual day I'll put in the last minute things.

That's it - I don't flap about creating deadlines or interim tasks. It's not a project, it's just a task, and one of which the benefits and consequences of doing it well are all on him.

That benefits EVERYONE OP. Honestly, it's better for your life as well as his. I have ways and means of doing my own tasks, but I've learned, hard won, that you're on a hiding to nothing trying to get someone else to operate the way you do - and why should they, after all? He's his own person.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/09/2019 16:00

I don't get involved with this sort of stuff with my teens, let alone DH!

viques · 03/09/2019 16:01

Just remember that you are not available to rush around shopping to pick up "vital" bits of kit he suddenly remembers he needs.

EKGEMS · 03/09/2019 16:31

This honestly reminds me of an every body loves Raymond tv episode! You have to leave him to it and don't rescue him-he's an adult! I should be retreading this to myself with my husband as well!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 06/09/2019 22:32

So what happened, OP? Did your DH get his shit together in time?

SuzieSunshine · 07/09/2019 01:08

Yes - please let us know if he forgot anything!!

IamWaggingBrenda · 07/09/2019 04:24

I have reminded him to do a 'test pack' since getting the bag for him.. Why? Why are you so involved in ensuring he’s ready? You’re treating him like a child. Do you think he needs you to do this? Because if he does, he should grow up and you need to stop being so controlling.