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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not remind DH to pack...for the umpteenth time?

86 replies

fanaticalfairy · 01/09/2019 18:55

So, DH is doing the Land's End to John o'Groats bike ride next week.

We leave early on Friday morning to go to LE.

He has needed to pack his kit for this, to find out what is missing... if his kit will fit into the bag I have borrowed for him...

Kit will include sleeping bag, roll mats, toiletries, clothes for all weathers for cycling and at camp, shoes for camp, spare parts for bike, as well as all theother paraphenalia.

Now he's had this bag for around 3 weeks...and had many a free weekend and evening to do this.

I have reminded him to do a 'test pack' since getting the bag for him.

Has he done it? No.

He has this evening, some of monday eve, tues eve, maybe an hour on weds eve and all thursday evening "left" to pack.

He usually gets in from work around 6:30 - as shops are closing....

Now, I have reminded and reminded him, and said reasons like "It will give us plenty of tome to get stuff/different bag etc"

so..after all that AND saying this morning that maybe he should pack today, so we can get stuff this afternoon.... nothing has moved.... AIBU to not remind him again?

OP posts:

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 07/09/2019 13:30

@DisgruntledGuineaPig

it just was made clear to her by her MIL it was now her job, and she didn't think to question it (they lived together very young). The others seemed to see it as "what couples do", they effectively just started doing it without conversations about it and the men quite liked suddenly not having to do dull bits of being a grown up

Hmm, I know what you mean about the "it's what couples do" assumptions - I think in the beginning of a relationship some people enjoy "playing" at the whole stepford wife shtick. I had a friend at school who was enchanted with the idea of making their boyfriend's packed lunch for him, because they felt that all his friends envied his amazing girlfriend, and hence she got a kind of reflected status. In the beginning, it probably felt like a fun game. Then after a bit, it becomes a drudge, the woman realises she is lumbered with all the boring domestic chores and thanks and reciprocity are thin on the ground.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 07/09/2019 14:00

I get my stuff ready for me, DH does it for himself. However, I ask him to get his stuff ready a few days beforehand, so that I can pack the cases, putting half of his stuff in my case, and half of my stuff in his. That way, if one case gets lost (thanks, whichever airline it was!) one of you is not blessed with clean pants and the other isn't.

A few holidays we've been on lately involved taking a lot of stuff to friends (ex-pats abroad) so I shuffle stuff round to make sure the weights are ok. I also take clean undies and a t shirt for each of us in my carry-on bag, we've needed that too in the past.

NoLeopard · 07/09/2019 14:52

But even if your 'test pack' theory is correct it only needs to be done 24 hours in advance to leave time to get another bag etc. Why the nagging reminding so early? But agree with everyone else, I have no clue what dp does luggage wise, he's a grown up, all I know is that one of us will forget something! (Me - all three dds underwear one year )

Pollywollydolly · 07/09/2019 15:03

Before we were married we went on holiday and DH2B turned up with a suitcase and a carrier bag. The carrier bag contained his shoes and his alarm clock. I pack in order to avoid situations like this.

That said we spent a thoroughly miserable weekend in Dublin a while ago because he refused to bring the coat I had got out for him and was freezing cold the entire time. Sadly a cold DH is a miserable DH and we spent the entire time popping into coffee shops for a warming drink.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 07/09/2019 18:56

DH2B turned up with a suitcase and a carrier bag. The carrier bag contained his shoes and his alarm clock. I pack in order to avoid situations like this

Sorry, I'm missing what's so dreadful about this situation that it requires you to pack for a grown adult human for the rest of your life? So he had a bag with a pair of shoes and an alarm clock and therefore...there were terrible repercussions on the both of you?

I mean, if you're happy doing the packing, that's your business, but it seems like a bit of an overaction to decide he can never be trusted to pack for himself ever again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2019 19:02

I'm baffled by constant reminding. So he forgets something; his look out.

However I'm an excellent last minute packer and DH telling me to do it would piss me off.

Tenness · 07/09/2019 19:09

Why are you reminding him at all? He's a grown man, not a child.

My parents married in the early 80s and went to Vegas on their honeymoon. When they got there my dad looked into the case and asked my mum where his clothes were. She told him they were wherever he had put them.

He had to walk around in her blouse until he could get to the gift shop.

Original poster

fanaticalfairy · 07/09/2019 21:14

I left him to it in the end.

He was running round packing at 11pm the night before ( we had to be up at 5am)

Bag was too small. He had to squeeze it all in after deciding what to leave behind... and didn't have some stuff he needed.

I didn't "rescue" him.

Just sat reading my book.

OP posts:

PonderingPanda · 07/09/2019 21:35

@fanaticalfairy - did it become your fault that the bag wasn't suitable?

PotatoShape · 08/09/2019 08:12

Yeah, PonderingPanda, why did op get him a small bag on purpose knowing it would ruin his holiday!! It's never their own fault, is it.

billy1966 · 08/09/2019 15:46

Well done OP.👍

It honestly would never have ever occurred to me to pack for my husband, before or after marriage.

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