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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS give away gift from his dad.

83 replies

LightningStrikesThrice · 01/09/2019 14:29

Have come to the wisdom of mumsnet for some answers.

DS 15. Hes not seen his dad since he was 7. Me and XP disagree on the reasons for this but it went through court and ex was granted indirect contact. Hes chosen not to take that up until last year.

It was DS birthday last month and last week XP sent up a birthday present with his mum. (DS has regular contact with her).

DS does not want the present (computer game) however his friend has been saving up for it. DS wants to give the present to his friend.

I've said he can't but can't really articulate a reason why other than it was from his dad.

DS says I'm being unreasonable. The gift was given to him so it should be up to him to do what he wants with it. If hed played it and completed it or played it and hated it I would have no issue him giving it to a friend (hes done this before - they all swap games between themselves happily) and he doesn't see why the fact that it's from his dad who he doesn't see should make a difference.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 01/09/2019 14:31

If it was a book or a tie or something sentimental it might be different but I can't see a difference between him giving away a game he's not bothered about and a game he has completed.
Does he have anything else from his dad to keep like a card?

nopixelsfound · 01/09/2019 14:32

I think YABU, if he's not interested in the game, I'd let him give it to his friend. There's no point in him keeping it for decoration. If it was something of sentimental value I'd see what you meant on keeping it, but games don't fall into that category for me.

Stressedout10 · 01/09/2019 14:33

Yabu it's his game and if he knows it's not 1 he wants to play he won't play it.
You could suggest that he trades it in for 1 he would prefer though

sweetkitty · 01/09/2019 14:33

Let him give it to his friend it’s only a game

AlexaShutUp · 01/09/2019 14:33

I'd let him give it away tbh. He's right that it was given to him and it's therefore his to give away.

BayandBlonde · 01/09/2019 14:33

My dad didn't want contact me either until much later in life, I have nothing nice to say about him.

If he gave me a gift and I had a friend that really wanted the same but couldn't afford it, If the friend wasn't offended I would gladly re gift it to them

I think it is nice of your DS to think of his friend.

usersouthcoast · 01/09/2019 14:33

Have you kept every present given to you?
I think your DS has very good reason to give this game away

Shockers · 01/09/2019 14:34

It’s his to do with as he wants. His feelings about his father are very personal and should be respected.

I say this as a 53 year old who struggles with the guilt of not wanting anything to do with my elderly birth father.

StroppyWoman · 01/09/2019 14:35

YABU

Let him do what he wants with it.

Floralnomad · 01/09/2019 14:36

I’d just let him do what he wants with it , it was gifted to him hence it’s his to do as he pleases .

titchy · 01/09/2019 14:36

To be honest at 15 you shouldn't be telling him what he can and can't do with anything gifted to him.... On the assumption though that you're offering him your opinion, rather than telling him as you put in your OP, then yes yabu for the reasons already posted. It's a game, not a family keepsake or anything remotely sentimental.

It's actually a very nice thing your ds wants to do.

Raphael34 · 01/09/2019 14:38

It’s a computer game. He doesn’t want it. It’s not a personal or sentimental item. He’s obviously not attached any feelings to an unwanted computer game just because it’s from his dad. I actually think it’s a really nice thought to give it it to his friend who is trying to save up for it, he could have asked to sell it. I would have commended him for his generously rather than made him feel bad for regifting an unwanted present from his absent father

Ravingstarfish · 01/09/2019 14:38

People should give gifts freely with no strings attached, the game is your sons to do what he wants with imo

NavyBlueHue · 01/09/2019 14:39

Your son deserves to control things like this. Give him that power since he’s had none over how his dad treats him.

It’s only a game not an heirloom.

PatriciaHolm · 01/09/2019 14:40

Let him. It's a nice idea. What is the alternative, it sits around gathering dust at home?

elvis86 · 01/09/2019 14:41

I think you're putting far too much emphasis on a video game from a man who hasn't bothered with his son for 8 years?

Do you expect your son to cherish it as the only scrap he's been tossed by his dad since he abandoned him? Confused

Very odd. If I were your son, I'd probably feel like refusing the gift and telling his dad to stick it up his arse.

Original poster
LightningStrikesThrice · 01/09/2019 14:43

raving that's the problem though. This isn't a gift with no strings attached. Its complicated and messy because it's his dad trying to get back on touch after years of absence.

The first two years he didnt see them his did send presents and I've kept those (unopened as DS wouldnt open them). When the gifts didnt materialise into DS seeing him he stopped sending them. This is the first year he has sent a gift again and it's all going to kick off if he finds out DS has rejected it!

That's not DSs problem though I know but I suppose if hed just stick it on his shelf for 6 months that would make life easier for me!

There is a card but DS hasn't opened that. The gift was unwrapped in a gift bag which is why we know what it is.

I suppose its toght though. It was given to DS so its up to him what to do with it.

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 01/09/2019 14:49

Why does he have to know DS has given it away?

GabriellaMontez · 01/09/2019 14:50

How will it kick-off? Ds is 15 and it's his to do what he pleases with. How would he find out anyway?

elvis86 · 01/09/2019 14:52

raving that's the problem though. This isn't a gift with no strings attached. Its complicated and messy because it's his dad trying to get back on touch after years of absence.

The first two years he didnt see them his did send presents and I've kept those (unopened as DS wouldnt open them). When the gifts didnt materialise into DS seeing him he stopped sending them. This is the first year he has sent a gift again and it's all going to kick off if he finds out DS has rejected it!

That's not DSs problem though I know but I suppose if hed just stick it on his shelf for 6 months that would make life easier for me!

There is a card but DS hasn't opened that. The gift was unwrapped in a gift bag which is why we know what it is.

I suppose its toght though. It was given to DS so its up to him what to do with it.

WTAF?!

Do you want this guy back or something, LightningStrikesThrice?

Why on earth are you worried about your son offending his father, who has been absent from his life for 8 years?!

I can't believe you're pressuring your son to spare the feelings of his absent father, and prevent him from "kicking off".

8 years of no contact and he sends a crappy video game and he (and you?!) expect your son to jump?

Your son has ever right to decide he wants nothing to do with him.

Give your head a wobble FGS.

MzHz · 01/09/2019 14:58

Your son is showing you that he’s not keen on contact with his dad.

For good reason. Let him do what he feels right

He’s old enough to say no and have it respected

BumbleBeee69 · 01/09/2019 15:00

I'm going to go against the grain here OP. I agree the caution should be taken in 'giving the game away' to his friend. Maybe he can lend it to the friend instead, with the option of it being returned if requested. Flowers

GeorgiaGirl52 · 01/09/2019 15:00

Let him do what he wants. It is his present.

Open the card. See if there is cash. If so, take it and buy DS something he wants.
As for those unopened gifts in the closet. Open them and give them to charity. Let some child get some happiness from them.
DS is 15. Stop trying to reunite him with his father. He has the right to choose NC.

KUGA · 01/09/2019 15:04

His gift his choice.
And clearly you have brought up a very nice and caring son.
His dad isn`t as important to him as his friends are and fair play to him for that.

Actionhasmagic · 01/09/2019 15:06

Yabu! Of course he doesn’t want to keep it