Who has a say in wedding guest list?

[victorioussponges]

DP and I have just booked in our wedding for next year. We met up with both sets of parents yesterday to take them to the venue as DP's parents were keen to see it in person.

Over the course of the day DP's DM told my DM that she was very surprised that we had not yet shown her our guestlist and was wondering when we'd ask her about it.

Are DP and I BU to have not considered consulting others on the guestlist? It's not that it's a huge secret or at all controversial! We have both had general conversations with our parents about who we'd invite in terms of family and friends of family but all seemed fairly straightforward so didn't think we'd need to properly check.

I know things can become more complicated where others are paying for the wedding or making a substantial contribution - there seems to become a greater expectation that they will have a say in decisions - but we have made it clear that we're intending to pay for it ourselves.

Have we missed something here and been a bit rude?

To be fair, the tradition has changed in just one generation, and there will probably be many of mine, who don't realise it.

I was married in 1980, my parents paid and invitations were sent it in their name. We agreed a guest list together.

My daughter got married two weeks ago. I contributed to the cost, but they paid most of it themselves. My daughter asked if there were any particularly close friends I wanted to invite, but as they are on a tight budget it was obvious that it would be very unfair for me to invite more than a couple. Other than that I had no involvement in the list, which was fine by me, but if I'm honest, I hadn't realised quite how uninvolved I'd be with the wedding in general. I had no problem with it, I just hadn't realised how much things had changed!

We decided our guest list and took no money for anyone else to pay it. We did however invite our parents closest friends and none were unreasonable with requests.

As with many other posters, I think it should always be Bride & Groom's choice, but if a set of parents is paying for the reception particularly, they should be entitled to add a few people of their choosing.

At this moment in time I'd be happy if my STBIL's actually showed any interest in our wedding at all. All we've had so far is a comment of "OK then. I'll put it in the diary."

Given some of the stories I read on here, perhaps I shouldn't complain!

DS is getting married next spring. We are paying 1/3, they are paying 1/3 and her parents are paying 1/3. I gave DS a list of who we would like to invite (family and some of our friends who have known him since he was a baby). I told him I could prune it if necessary. He was happy with the list. I felt fine about inviting some of our friends and family cos we are paying our share.

I paid for DDs whole wedding and their honeymoon, but it never occurred to me to check on the guest list. The bride and groom decided on that as it was their wedding.