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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Loaning money, I feel a bit of a mug

123 replies

PinkPalmTree · 31/08/2019 10:54

My oldest friend is always struggling for money. She’s never worked as she fell pregnant at 17, and has 4 children with another on the way. Her partner has a minimum wage job. She’s always complaining how tight money is and how she would love to be able to afford to move but can’t afford it. She’s currently in a 2 bed council flat.

Anyway last year her partners hours were cut. She was in a panic as she needed to buy her 2nd eldests uniform who was just going upto secondary. The school had just gone over to a academy and changed the uniform completely everything now needed logos and the trousers were supplied by this particular shop so no chance of buying second hand or cheaply from the supermarket. I loaned her £250 without a second thought and she paid it back on time.

Her partners hours haven’t increased and he’s still in the same job, she’s having a shortfall each month and most months asks to borrow £100. Always paid it back on time.

We’re not exactly well off but we’re not poor either. We get buy each month and put some into savings, so loaning her the money isn’t a big issue. If we go out for a meal I always pay for her. Sometimes another friend of ours comes along and we split friends share, I know she also pays when they go out together.

Last time I saw my friend a few weeks ago, the three of us went out. She announced her wedding was booked for next year. She’s getting married at a very expensive venue. Our other friend has SEN and has absolutely no filter so blurted out how can you afford that. She told us that she inherited £40k and is putting it all towards the wedding of her dreams. Fine, it’s no one else’s business.

But she’s now asking to borrow money off me to see her through until she gets paid again. Now she’s told us about this inheritance it’s left a bad taste as they can’t afford to live each month but are spending this huge sum on a wedding.

I just wondered what other people’s thoughts are on this?

OP posts:
sugar88 · 31/08/2019 13:41

This is cheeky as hell.
She's simply taking advantage of your generosity. Tell her you can't loan her money anymore and hopefully she rethinks spending £40k on a wedding when she doesn't have the bank of friends to rely on anymore.

viques · 31/08/2019 13:41

OP! You need to practise your tinkly laugh , head on one side, followed by a death stare and the word "no" hissed through gritted teeth.

Orangecake123 · 31/08/2019 13:42

I wouldn't help. Nobody needs an expensive wedding.

Juells · 31/08/2019 13:42

“I don’t feel comfortable discussing it in detail but things have changed and I can no longer help”, you’d also be telling the truth.

oooh, that's clever!

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 31/08/2019 13:49

Huh?

Grimbles · 31/08/2019 13:49

Teenage Mum. Check
Multiple Kids. Check
Unemployed. Check
On Benefits. Check
Council Flat. Check
Scroungers. Check

Anything I've missed?

Tonnerre · 31/08/2019 13:49

*“Haha give over, you’re better off than me!”

Hearty laugh, change subject, move on.



This.

Gobsmacked at someone who would put a bling wedding ahead of proper housing for their children.

TanMateix · 31/08/2019 13:50

The state is not paying for 5 kids. No worries, the state doesn’t any poor scrounged to have more than £6000 in savings before they start reducing benefit entitlement pound by Besides, if her kids are young she will only get support for a maximum of two.

I found it sad that the Tories have convinced everyone that those in receipt of benefits are scroungers or fraudsters. For every fraudster you see there are 20 people who are not receiving benefits they are entitled to. Most people receiving benefits are actually working full time and receiving a pittance.

Now... I cannot say that I don’t question why they continue to get pregnant when they are struggling financially.

GabsAlot · 31/08/2019 13:50

sHES PROB SPENDING IT SO SHE CAN STILL RECEIVE BENEFITS ITS OF NO USE TO HER IF THEY STOP ALL HER MONEY

GabsAlot · 31/08/2019 13:51

Oops apologises for the caps lock

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leckford · 31/08/2019 13:56

She has created her own disasters, five children and no job or money.

Don’t lend her any more

BlackCatSleeping · 31/08/2019 14:00

Has she actually received the inheritance yet? These things can take time to process, so she might still be broke.

If she’s received it, I would just ask why she’s asking to borrow money when she has such a large inheritance?

TamarindCove · 31/08/2019 14:00

I found it sad that the Tories have convinced everyone that those in receipt of benefits are scroungers or fraudsters

They haven't convinced me.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/08/2019 14:05

I don't get why the fact that she's got children and is pregnant means she can't work. Every woman I know has worked while pregnant. And her husband isn't working fulltime so childcare presumably not such an issue as it might be. And contraception is freely available.
Her lifestyle is a choice, and she's scamming you and other people.
I suppose the question i s, what is she bringing to the table? Why have you been paying for her? Is she particularly good fun, or extremely supportive, or something?

Twillow · 31/08/2019 14:05

Now she can borrow from her own money, can't she? Up to her if she pays it back each time. You have been a good friend but the need is no longer there.

gilliansgardenbench · 31/08/2019 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 31/08/2019 14:24

Grimbles I expect she's pregnant with twins.

monkeysox · 31/08/2019 14:40

She's a massive nob. Cheeky bitch.

TheWernethWife · 31/08/2019 14:41

I knew a woman who moved into a HA flat (for health reasons), she had sold her little house and after costs, made £45k profit. Was raging when she was expected to pay rent on the new property. Asked me what I thought and I told her she was bloody cheeky to expect the state to cough up when she had savings. We fell out!!!

Ellisandra · 31/08/2019 14:49

I see this conversation happened on a night out.
If your friend wasn’t using her windfall to pay for all 3 of you as a small thank you for the times you’ve paid for her, I would drop her like a stone now.
I wouldn’t lend the money - but I also wouldn’t stay friends.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/08/2019 14:49

Ooh it's like a game of bingo
Nice work op

Tonnerre · 31/08/2019 14:49

Tell her you were about to ask for a loan as she's got more than you.

imnotinthemood · 31/08/2019 15:02

Sorry but you make excuses for her you and your other friends have MUG tattooed on your head ,
The excuse she had a child at 18 so could never work. Last time I checked it's 2019 and woman work and have children even at 18 . I also fell pregnant young but have always worked and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one .
Paying for her meals etc that's not helping her out .
I can't believe she's inherited all this money and is spending it on a wedding. Yes your right it's her money to do whatever she wants but she's not earning enough to make ends meet and she's clearly very crap with money .
The cheek to even ask to borrow I'm speechless Shock.
She should be taking you all out for all the meals you have bought her, but to not even do that and ask to borrow .
It amazes me the cf stories on here .
Definitely definitely call her out or if you don't just refuse, do no let her use you .

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