Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL and new house

121 replies

Ttcfirsttime · 30/08/2019 22:57

AIBU here? Basically my partner and I are in our early twenty’s and are getting on the property ladder, so we have been in the process of buying our first house (a 3 bedroom terrace in an ok area but needs a fair bit of cosmetic work). We were looking to rent at first as we needed a home ASAP as I am pregnant. My partners parents let us stay with them on the condition that we don’t rent and instead we save for a mortgage. We were told if we saved in my partners step mothers account they would keep the money for us and double it (very generous). However the day of completion my partners step mother and father first refused to give us any money including the bits I had put into the account. Which we were going to pay our solicitor bill with in order to complete. Luckily I knew trusting people with money is not the wisest idea and had my own savings also which we managed to pay the solicitor bill with. However his father then allowed us to have about two thirds of the money that we had saved in there (so not even our contribution nevermind the fact they said they’d double it). There had been no mention of it before this that there were any issues with us getting the money etc until day of completion so it was obviously unnecessary stress. We now have the house and are in the process of doing the kitchen before we move in (only paint etc) so will only be a few days. His family have been invited to see the house but don’t want to. No congratulations to us etc. We haven’t mentioned the money since as thought it was unnecessary to cause an issue out of it currently as there’s not a lot we can do about it right now. Although his step mother did write and sign a letter promising the money (and the extra they were giving us) which was sent to the solicitor as proof of funds a long time ago. Aibu to actually be seething about this? And WIBU to ask my partner to address this situation? As we are now about to move and I am due my baby in a couple of months. Or should I just move on from this situation and keep the peace for the sake of family. Just to add my family have been extremely supportive , got us appliances, offered money to help decorate, offered to actually help with the decorating etc.

OP posts:
ElektraUnchained · 31/08/2019 17:38

Well done OP on your own financial skills.

Original poster
Ttcfirsttime · 31/08/2019 22:01

In reply to some of the questions, no we didn’t pay rent to live there, so yes could write the money off as rent paid. The reason for not paying is that they didn’t want us to as they wanted us to be able to save for a house. But it seems they are now saying the money they won’t give us back was rent (maybe they read here, who knows). Also don’t worry, my contribution is legally protected and I own a larger share in the house to cover the deposit money which was all agreed by my partner and sorted legally by our conveyancer. No we’re not getting a new kitchen put in like people think, we are cleaning the disgusting state the kitchen was left in (including left over bits of marijuana 🤢). So we will be moving in properly very soon. So legally my contribution is safe which I made sure of because we’re not married. Also to answer, no they were not aware of my other savings which I got from my mothers pension as she unfortunately passed away recently.

OP posts:
Sewrainbow · 31/08/2019 22:19

Such a shame they have treated you this way. I wonder if they realise what they have done...

I would never be able to forgive or forget this behaviour. Even if you choose to write off the money they have kept as rent. You all know it is a lie. I would be very very reticent with them in future including access to the new baby. So sorry for your husband he is going to need a lot of support in coming years....

FeeFee832 · 31/08/2019 22:52

They're saying it's rent money?? What a joke! Horrendous OP xx

Bookworm4 · 31/08/2019 22:59

What ex’s y did this signed agreement say? Sounds like they’ve blew your £ and are now lying through their teeth.

MaverlousMo · 31/08/2019 23:34

They’ve pulled a fast one OP

I think they’ve realised how much money they would have to give you and simply do not want to. Hence the lies about rent owed!

I wouldn’t have anything more to do with them.

Skittlesandbeer · 31/08/2019 23:39

I’d get them to a cafe (recording everything, as a pp suggested). Say that your family is offering (same amount as they’re holding) to get the nursery and other essentials done before baby arrives. Say this is the time for them to hand over the rest of the $$$ from MIL’s account, to add to the budget for those baby-related renovations/appliances.

Basically link the money to the kid and the other grandparents. Doesn’t matter if it’s true, just concentrate on getting your money back.

Opens the door to you saying (right then, or down the track) that if their grandchild matters so little to them and they have proven themselves not to be trusted on their word, that you can’t see how you’d be able to support a relationship between them and the bub. Spell it out.

Yes, it’s manipulative, but I’d do it. And leave them in no doubt about how they’re cutting themselves off from future joy with their theft. Sometimes people need help to play out the future in their minds. My bet is they’ll cough up, at which point you can decide if you still want them in your life, and at what level of contact. I’d not leave people this sneaky and self-interested alone with my kid- ever.

All this presumes they haven’t lost/spent your cash. If they have, or quibble further, it’d be no contact for me.

Autumnintheair · 31/08/2019 23:39

Op can you tell us why you think they changed the goal posts like this?

Do you think they genuinely meant to help? Did they know your mum passed away and thought you may be able to chip in?.. It's such a strange bizzare situation!

Autumnintheair · 31/08/2019 23:50

Op they must have thought you would inherit something from your dm

Original poster
Ttcfirsttime · 01/09/2019 00:29

They know my mum passed away but also knew my mum was not well off, no house etc and we had to obviously pay for the funeral. My mums death was sudden and unexpected so there were no discussions about inheritances etc beforehand. Anyway whatever they’re playing at it’s a silly game and my child won’t be having much to do with them. It’s not the first time they’ve upset me. The last time was when we told them the gender of our baby and they said they’d have rather it was the other (their first grandchild)

OP posts:
Namenic · 01/09/2019 01:06

they could be unwise (ie thought they would gain money but didn’t) and embarrassed ; or they could be malicious (ie never intended to give you back money and used it to cover debts etc).

It doesn’t sound that you lost out a lot overall (because if you had not stayed with them, you would have spent the money elsewhere). So don’t let it cause a big rift. But I wouldn’t trust them with financial things in the future

Weenurse · 01/09/2019 01:08

They don’t sound like very nice people.
Should be happy for a healthy baby.

MrsGarethSouthgate · 01/09/2019 01:11

Sorry for your loss OP Flowers

Sceptre86 · 01/09/2019 01:29

They have stolen from you and are horrible in top of it. I would contact a solicitor and see if you can at least get your money back. After that I would be having absolutely nothing to do with them but that all depends on if your partner is on board with it? I am astounded that anyone would treat you like that especially when you are due to give birth to their grandchild. Note for the future, not to be so naive and trusting!

serenoa · 01/09/2019 04:05

Sue them, small claims court. When you get judgment you can secure the debt on their house, presumably they own it. You will get your money eventually, plus a small amount of interest (currently 8% simple). You make an application to the Land Registry (best done by a solicitor) to put a charge on their house, and when they want to take out another secured load, or sell the house, their solicitor will pay the debt because the house can't be sold with that charge on it. You could be asked for permission to give the mortgage priority over your charge but you can refuse, then they wouldn't get a mortgage.

You do need evidence about how the debt was created, though, before the court will accept a claim. I'm not sure simply he said/she said would be enough.

Sallyseagull · 01/09/2019 07:48

I would cut all ties with them. If your partner wants to have anything to do with his parents then that's his choice but for me that would be it.

Sallyseagull · 01/09/2019 07:48

Also. I'm shocked someone has voted that you are being unreasonable, I honestly can't see how.

flowery · 01/09/2019 11:22

”Also. I'm shocked someone has voted that you are being unreasonable, I honestly can't see how.”

It wasn’t me, I haven’t voted, but my guess would be the person thought the OP was BU for handing over money to go in someone else’s bank account.

Babysharkisanearworm · 01/09/2019 12:04

That is your money that you worked for and they are withholding access. I am with buttery and neeliix. If your dh will not do it alone then do it together. It is now or via small claims court. They are being unreasonable and risked a rift. If the rift happens, so what
You believed them, trusted them and now they are fleecing you.

LakieLady · 01/09/2019 12:19

Another one for sue the fuckers, get judgment and put a charge against their property.

Some people really are despicable.

Boysnme · 01/09/2019 12:28

For your own sanity I’d walk away and have nothing to do with them. Glad you have protected your own contribution.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page