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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL and new house

121 replies

Ttcfirsttime · 30/08/2019 22:57

AIBU here? Basically my partner and I are in our early twenty’s and are getting on the property ladder, so we have been in the process of buying our first house (a 3 bedroom terrace in an ok area but needs a fair bit of cosmetic work). We were looking to rent at first as we needed a home ASAP as I am pregnant. My partners parents let us stay with them on the condition that we don’t rent and instead we save for a mortgage. We were told if we saved in my partners step mothers account they would keep the money for us and double it (very generous). However the day of completion my partners step mother and father first refused to give us any money including the bits I had put into the account. Which we were going to pay our solicitor bill with in order to complete. Luckily I knew trusting people with money is not the wisest idea and had my own savings also which we managed to pay the solicitor bill with. However his father then allowed us to have about two thirds of the money that we had saved in there (so not even our contribution nevermind the fact they said they’d double it). There had been no mention of it before this that there were any issues with us getting the money etc until day of completion so it was obviously unnecessary stress. We now have the house and are in the process of doing the kitchen before we move in (only paint etc) so will only be a few days. His family have been invited to see the house but don’t want to. No congratulations to us etc. We haven’t mentioned the money since as thought it was unnecessary to cause an issue out of it currently as there’s not a lot we can do about it right now. Although his step mother did write and sign a letter promising the money (and the extra they were giving us) which was sent to the solicitor as proof of funds a long time ago. Aibu to actually be seething about this? And WIBU to ask my partner to address this situation? As we are now about to move and I am due my baby in a couple of months. Or should I just move on from this situation and keep the peace for the sake of family. Just to add my family have been extremely supportive , got us appliances, offered money to help decorate, offered to actually help with the decorating etc.

OP posts:

AlwaysCheddar · 31/08/2019 07:13

They are thieves. Address it now. Nasty people.

Sallyseagull · 31/08/2019 07:13

When they only gave some of the money they were holding what did they say? Did they hand over the sum and keep quiet till you pointed out it wasnt enough? Did they give some form of excuse?

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/08/2019 07:17

It’s a civil matter, they’ve fucked up by signing the letter. That can be used to file a claim.

I really wouldn’t worry about keeping the peace with individuals who’ve stolen off you.

The small claims court is very easy to use and the judges have seen it all before. Someone tried to rip us off too & the judge didn’t take any nonsense off the other party. We had a letter too so we won.

NorbertHerbertGruntfuttock · 31/08/2019 07:25

Small claims court is a piece of cake to do now and if you have paper proof or text messages you're laughing! Court and then NC forever - even better. Win/win. Thieving cunts!

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 07:36

Surely your first action should be a solicitor’s letter asking for the money back immediately?

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/08/2019 07:41

Good idea, solicitors letter so you’ve made an effort to resolve out of court.

Then court.

Troels · 31/08/2019 07:54

Money is why Dh went NC with his own mother. We thought for a while she was going to fleece us too. Then she came to her senses and paid us back in full. over £10,000 we couldn't afford to lose.

You must get the money back off them, take the paperwork she signed to the solicitor and let her know. This will damage the relationship forever and now you cannot trust them.

FreshlyCutGrass427 · 31/08/2019 07:57

Why didn't you save the money in an account in your name ???
Double the money, are they gamblers ?
Or
They have invested the money in a supposed get rich scheme, where no riches ever appear !

leckford · 31/08/2019 08:00

Extremely bad Idea to put your savings into someone else’s account suppose that person died it would be added to their estate and you would never get it back.

Have you kept a note of how much you gave them? Write a short factual letter asking for it back.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 08:04

So you paid the whole deposit on the house?

What is he contributing? Whose name is the house in?

MediocrePenguin · 31/08/2019 08:21

This is just bonkers. Why anyone would suggest or agree to saving money in another persons account is insane.

Hoodiesallsummer · 31/08/2019 08:25

Yes it is madness and for your partner not to be tackling them over it. It sounds like they will keep it and never mention it again.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 08:25

They are very young-maybe it seemed safer to save somewhere they couldn’t be tempted? But yes- it all seems a bit odd.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 08:29

But it does sound as if the OP has made the biggest contribution to the house - I do hope she is protecting herself. Just in case her dp is more involved than she thinks.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/08/2019 08:31

I think at this point the damage to you relationship is already done so you have nothing to lose by asking for all of your money back. And if they won’t then shame them by telling everyone else in the family what they have done so they can’t dupe other people with the same scheme.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 31/08/2019 08:33

Could it be the step MIL saw the money as rent?! You have been living for free in their house. She might not have understood she was supposed to give back the money her dss gave her.

Was it really clearly set out with both FIL and step MIL in the room that she would save your money for her then double it, or did this all go via FIL?

HangryPants · 31/08/2019 08:35

This is crazy. You found out that they stole this money from you and almost scuppered your house purchase? So you decide to continue living with them for free so you can get a new kitchen in your new house??

Autumnintheair · 31/08/2019 09:06

Yes, did they know you had your own private funds? I also sense they perhaps never wanted you to get a house or they did offer in good faith but then found out you had funds? So felt less generous?

Either way, not being upfront or clear at this stage and with a baby on the way is awful.

How much money do they have.
I wonder if you can write it off as rent and bills.... And tell them to get stuffed as well.

NotBeingRobbed · 31/08/2019 09:41

They have obviously spent it and never intended to double it. And they will be your child’s grandparents. So sorry for you OP.

MulticolourMophead · 31/08/2019 10:02

OP, your DP needs to get that money back, it's yours and in writing.

But in my mind more importantly, also make sure that your own contribution to the house purchase is protected for you and your baby. If your DP is more involved than you realise, there's a chance that later on his parents might try to claim a stake in the house, as on paper some of the money came out of their account.

Keep that letter detailing that the money in their account was saved by your DP, that it was his money, very, very safe. From what I've read so far, and sadly from knowing people like this, if that letter disappears you have no proof that the money from their account was your DP's.

I might just be feeling cynical this morning but better to keep things very, very safe. You need the protection for you and baby.

cacklingmags · 31/08/2019 10:39

Listen to the good advice to protect yourself and baby. It sounds like you have paid far more than DP towards the house, if you can, get this on paper. Also DP has crazed thieving parents who might get up to goodness knows what in the future. Keep a wary eye on them.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 31/08/2019 10:43

I am very non confrontational and will normally suck up a bit of annoying behaviour for the sake of keeping the peace. But no way would I let someone go back on an agreement, that they have signed, and steal my money and not say anything!

What reason are they giving for not giving the money back??

FeeFee832 · 31/08/2019 10:46

Sorry to hear this op. Confront your hubby and make a plan.

I'd drop by their house today and ask why they won't give the full amount back?

Have they told you why?

Boysnme · 31/08/2019 11:40

OP did you pay any sort of contribution to your keep when you were there? If not I’d get it straight in my head that the money they have kept was the equivalent to rent and move on, never speaking to them again. I know this isn’t right but it could help you move on as you wouldn’t have had that money anyway if you were renting.

If you did pay rent I’d threaten to take them to court based on the agreement signed.

FreshlyCutGrass427 · 31/08/2019 17:01

You have a house, why aren't you both living there ?

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