PIL and new house

[Ttcfirsttime]

AIBU here? Basically my partner and I are in our early twenty’s and are getting on the property ladder, so we have been in the process of buying our first house (a 3 bedroom terrace in an ok area but needs a fair bit of cosmetic work). We were looking to rent at first as we needed a home ASAP as I am pregnant. My partners parents let us stay with them on the condition that we don’t rent and instead we save for a mortgage. We were told if we saved in my partners step mothers account they would keep the money for us and double it (very generous). However the day of completion my partners step mother and father first refused to give us any money including the bits I had put into the account. Which we were going to pay our solicitor bill with in order to complete. Luckily I knew trusting people with money is not the wisest idea and had my own savings also which we managed to pay the solicitor bill with. However his father then allowed us to have about two thirds of the money that we had saved in there (so not even our contribution nevermind the fact they said they’d double it). There had been no mention of it before this that there were any issues with us getting the money etc until day of completion so it was obviously unnecessary stress. We now have the house and are in the process of doing the kitchen before we move in (only paint etc) so will only be a few days. His family have been invited to see the house but don’t want to. No congratulations to us etc. We haven’t mentioned the money since as thought it was unnecessary to cause an issue out of it currently as there’s not a lot we can do about it right now. Although his step mother did write and sign a letter promising the money (and the extra they were giving us) which was sent to the solicitor as proof of funds a long time ago. Aibu to actually be seething about this? And WIBU to ask my partner to address this situation? As we are now about to move and I am due my baby in a couple of months. Or should I just move on from this situation and keep the peace for the sake of family. Just to add my family have been extremely supportive , got us appliances, offered money to help decorate, offered to actually help with the decorating etc.

They wouldn't give you the money on completion date but you still had enough money to complete?

How much money of yours have they still got?

How much money do they owe you? I would struggle to have a relationship wth someone who had stolen from me to be honest. What does your partner think?

I certainly would be mentioning the money and making a fuss as they have essentially stolen from you. You were naïve by saving it in someone else's account too and I assume they have been spending it? Your partner should tackle them about it and I would not issue any invites to them until you get the money back. Make sure this situation is never repeated in the future by not discussing or giving/lending them money ever.

Tell your partner to demand the money back.

No contact with any of you, including baby, until they do.

Appalled on your behalf.

WTF have I just read?!?

Are you sure they still have the £?

However his father then allowed us to have about two thirds of the money that we had saved in there
Allowed? It’s your money!! Did they really think you wouldn’t ask for it? They knew you’d bought a house!!
I’m raging for you 😡

Are you PIL keeping a secret from you, covering for dh debt??

All very odd.

That was a dodgy arrangement , from the start.

I can't understand how it got as far as completion before the penny dropped that weren't going to keep their side of the bargain.

What does your DP say?

Am I missing something obvious here: why did YOUR money have to go into THEIR account in the first place? Could you not have opened your own account?

My DH's parents would have happily fleeced us right left and centre if we had ever given them a penny to look after. Before we married they used to produce utility bills and ask DP to pay these because he was single and they thought he was a mug. He was a mug, but once we married it was made very clear that we had our own bills to pay and could not pay for theirs as well.

You should certainly ask them to give your money back and make it sound as if you are prepared to take legal action to get this.

In reality as others have said, it does sound as if they have spent the money. A good lesson in life, albeit a hard one. Any money you can save should be in an account which is in your own name and accessible to you when you need it.

My in-laws would do something like this. Not intentionally steal, but make lose it.

They are terrible with money. They would probably have had some “clever” scheme to use our savings and make money, which then would never happen. Rather then admit mistake they would just ignore issue and try and get some money together. They would probably then convince themselves out savings were in fact the rent we agreed to pay when we lived there.

What does your Dp say?

He’s the one whose got to ask for it? You either have probably got to leave it (but agree with your partner you never do anything financial with in-laws again and that includes letting them have details of children’s accounts (again not because they would steal money, but you may find with first child they put lots of money in account, run out of money and then you have to find equivalent for second).

Or you be prepared to fall out over it - but risk your partner not agreeing and damaging your relationship.

Sorry, what?

So how much did you get? How much have they held back? Why aren't they giving you the full amount? Why was it saved in her account and not yours? How did you buy the house without your deposit?

They stole your money. My mother did the same thing but because it was family she didn’t seem to see it that way. Your PIL seem to be the same. I’d get your dh to get your money back. Forget the double money.

No no no, demand your money back. If you have paperwork then go to a solicitor and see can they help you get it back.

So most of the money was saved in my ISA which covered the deposit for the house. The money saved in their account was mostly my partners money as he saw it as better than a lifetime ISA as he’d supposedly be getting double rather than the government bonus. So my money was mostly in my ISA with a small token amount into his parents each month if you see what I mean. I am confident it’s not my partner who spent the money as I have been there when part of the conversations happened and also seen text messages on my partners phone about it. I lost a close relative a year ago and so also had separate savings which I inherited which is what we used part of to pay the solicitor bill as no way was we pulling out at that stage. I don’t want to put the exact amount of money on here but it wasn’t huge will save more than 1k but less than 5k. But still just annoying to say the least when it’s people you should be able to trust. I’m more angry for my partner really as it’s him that’s upset that he doesn’t feel supported by his own family and feels his family have basically nearly screwed up the entire purchase.

You should also realise that if your Mil happened to pass away because the account was in her sole name it would have been blocked by the bank and may have become part of her estate. Not sure how that would get sorted though you do have a letter to prove some of the money is yours. The solicitor may not have released funds till probate had been extracted.

What reason did they give for withholding the money?

Your DP really ought to be more angry towards his parents. He’s feeling upset that he doesn’t feel supported by them but actually they have conned him into handing over hard earned money and effectively stolen from you both and their future Grandchild. That’s not a lack of support it’s outright sabotaging your plans. It’s despicable behaviour worthy of going no contact for.

Did she say why it should be saved with her, rather than in your own account?
Seems exceedingly controlling.

In their heads, what's the justification for not just handing over your money? Is it something to with a timescale, like they invested it but haven't had a return yet?

Really awkward with the doubling side of it -tempting to say pursue them as they screwed you over but it's complicated with families.

The MOST important thing is that whatever you do, you and your DH keeping talking until you are on the same page and make a joint decision. Any choice that one of you makes alone and pushes through is the wrong one. If it takes time to figure it out together, then take all the time you need.

Are you married into this family.? You never said.