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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL and new house

121 replies

Ttcfirsttime · 30/08/2019 22:57

AIBU here? Basically my partner and I are in our early twenty’s and are getting on the property ladder, so we have been in the process of buying our first house (a 3 bedroom terrace in an ok area but needs a fair bit of cosmetic work). We were looking to rent at first as we needed a home ASAP as I am pregnant. My partners parents let us stay with them on the condition that we don’t rent and instead we save for a mortgage. We were told if we saved in my partners step mothers account they would keep the money for us and double it (very generous). However the day of completion my partners step mother and father first refused to give us any money including the bits I had put into the account. Which we were going to pay our solicitor bill with in order to complete. Luckily I knew trusting people with money is not the wisest idea and had my own savings also which we managed to pay the solicitor bill with. However his father then allowed us to have about two thirds of the money that we had saved in there (so not even our contribution nevermind the fact they said they’d double it). There had been no mention of it before this that there were any issues with us getting the money etc until day of completion so it was obviously unnecessary stress. We now have the house and are in the process of doing the kitchen before we move in (only paint etc) so will only be a few days. His family have been invited to see the house but don’t want to. No congratulations to us etc. We haven’t mentioned the money since as thought it was unnecessary to cause an issue out of it currently as there’s not a lot we can do about it right now. Although his step mother did write and sign a letter promising the money (and the extra they were giving us) which was sent to the solicitor as proof of funds a long time ago. Aibu to actually be seething about this? And WIBU to ask my partner to address this situation? As we are now about to move and I am due my baby in a couple of months. Or should I just move on from this situation and keep the peace for the sake of family. Just to add my family have been extremely supportive , got us appliances, offered money to help decorate, offered to actually help with the decorating etc.

OP posts:

BriannaRandallFraserMackenzie · 31/08/2019 02:11

My in-laws did this and my mil tried to use it to control dh when he proposed- she demanded he immediately end our relationship. Could your MIL have used the money as a means of controlling your dh- I take it she isn’t happy at your house choice (snobbery?} - this looks like an attempt to prevent the house purchase going through.

Look up narcissistic Mothers, your dh might want to read Susan Forward’s book ‘toxic Parents’ - I recommend the books Toxic In-laws by the same author for yourself. That is a lot of money- there is no way I would continue a relationship with his parents until they give him the rest of his money! They will have zero respect for either of you if you don’t stand up to them over this!

flumpybear · 31/08/2019 02:21

They've shown their true colours there! Don't trust them again (personally I'd be a bit off with them visiting your baby when it arrives but that's a bit PA so don't take my advice there lol

expat101 · 31/08/2019 02:30

As it's the weekend now is the time to front up to them, with a formal letter requesting the final payment of your funds by Friday 6th September deposited into .... account number or recovery action will commence.

Don't dilly dally any longer. Doesn't matter who paid what as far as you and Partner go, it was anticipated to go towards a joint purpose.

Seriously you need to follow this through.

expat101 · 31/08/2019 02:31

^^ purchase

Monty27 · 31/08/2019 02:40

She has your/DPS money. Wtf is the justification? Back rent and reneging on their first most helpful agreement to get you both investing what would have been rent to dmil. Maybe she thought you are both stupid or she is stupid to think it was ok to do this

Caucho · 31/08/2019 03:35

It’s easy to say now it was stupid to save under there account but unless there was any previous form or reason to doubt them I’m reluctant to berate the OP too much. One justification for instance would be that they were protecting them from themselves and helping them resist temptation to blow their savings on a holiday for example.

Of course it’s a different matter if there were obvious warning signs and seemed untrustworthy from the off.

Either way they owe you your own savings at the bare minimum. It’s a cunts trick in itself to renege on their offer to match or add to it but there’s no justification to withhold your own cash. Legally it would be tricky without paperwork as they could falsely claim the payments were for bills / board, especially if they were regular in terms of being monthly and a similar amount each time but if they tried that shit they’d be done in terms of speaking to them ever again

Sweetaholic · 31/08/2019 04:40

You and your partner need to agree a course of action and stick with it. Forget the promise of doubling money that was always risky. I suspect they may have used your money to settle their debts and what was returned to you was all they could lay their hands on when you asked for it. I would thank them for having you stay with them, move to my new home and concentrate on my new baby and NO they would not be getting an invite I would forever meet them on neutral turf coffee shops /pubs. The trust went when you were robbed.

Dogsarebetterthancatsok · 31/08/2019 04:54

I’d go to the police and never speak to them again

666onmyhead · 31/08/2019 05:52

Did they think you were paying rent , as to an outsider this is what it looks like. Do you have in writing or recorded anywhere the 'pay your savings into my account and I'll double it ' agreement ? If not I'd suggest they have tricked you.

FuriousVexation · 31/08/2019 05:52

keep the peace for the sake of family

Why would you keep the peace with this pair of thieving cunts?

whatshallIdo1 · 31/08/2019 05:56

We were told if we saved in my partners step mothers account they would keep the money for us and double it

Never put your money in anyone else’s account. These two have scammed you and are liars and cheats.

I would make it clear that unless you get the money you put in back, they will be unwelcome in your home forever. If they have spent your money they can agree to a weekly payment plan starting now.

Don’t let them walk over you ever again is my advice.

adreamofspring · 31/08/2019 06:09

Your partner’s been conned. Either for the money or because they want to control him and his efforts to step up and build a home for his family. If my family did this to my my first question would be why. It’s inconceivable that you would treat someone you love this way. I hope you and DP get to the bottom of this as it would really mess with my head.

On the plus side you are free. You do not have to involve them with your life, your kids, anything. You can’t trust them.

ukgift2016 · 31/08/2019 06:12

Do you have proof of this?

You can submit a claim to the small claims court. It is a simple process.

It is disgusting what his father/step mother has done. I would be furious and taking legal action.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 31/08/2019 06:13

Why would you even do this instead of saving in a help to buy. At least your 25% government contribution was guaranteed.

DS did this, we gave him an extra 5k when he completed and got his keys to help him do it up.

I would take them to court.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 31/08/2019 06:15

Ignore my post, just rtft

R44Me · 31/08/2019 06:19

I would tackle them sooner rather than later. Or just write it off but it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.
One of you has to speak to them straight - no pussyfooting, just we need the money you owe us now.
Then if they ignore get a solicitor's letter.
For a long term relationship with them this needs cleared up.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 31/08/2019 06:32

Let them keep the cash OP and dump them too...small price to pay to get this pair of muppets out of your life for good....obscene behaviour from them.Liars and thieves you do not need in your life.What do your parents think of this action?

BrokenTelly · 31/08/2019 06:38

I've not got time to read the whole thread now, but:
Firstly: you've done brilliantly to pull off your house buy despite your obstacle providing PILs. Amazing!

My advice would be to move into the new house as soon as you possibly can, and then confront them. Also, seek legel advice to get at least your own money back.

I have a feeling they were hoping to keep you there, so they would be very involved with your dc when it arrives, now they can't do that to the extent they want.

PS: please tell me how you managed to do all that saving so fast!!!! I could do with some tips 😊

Ghostontoast · 31/08/2019 06:43

Now you know they are duplicitous thieving c**ts.

Your DH needs to firmly demand his money back. They’ll come up with some weak excuse “we had to give the money to Aunty Violet as she wanted one last cruise holiday before she died” or some such.

You’ll probably not get the money back, or if you do it will be in dribs and drabs and with bad grace.

Then go low or no contact.

Teddybear45 · 31/08/2019 06:46

You can claim this through legal channels, as you were effectively scammed and there is new legislation in this space.

Bibijayne · 31/08/2019 06:55

If you have a letter, I'd send a formal letter requesting the funds (assume your DP has proof of how much he paid them to save?) And insust you have it back within 28 days. If not you will go to small claims court. If they do not return the money, go to small claims court. At this point there is no meaningful relationship to save.

Hoodiesallsummer · 31/08/2019 07:02

Did they give a reason why they wouldn’t give the money back?

SunshineCake · 31/08/2019 07:05

You can't let this go. I'd threaten them with small claims having spoken to your solicitor first. They have stolen from you and you'd both be fools to let this go. It won't stop here.

Choice4567 · 31/08/2019 07:07

If your solicitor has the promissory note I’d get them to write a letter to ask for the rest of the money

KitKat1985 · 31/08/2019 07:09

What was their reason for not handing over the money.

None of this makes much sense.

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