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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that any man can have an affair?

81 replies

TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:25

But some don’t. What stops them?

I know a man who is married but says he’s never been in love. Has kids. I think is concerned about his reputation. He met a woman, developed feelings for her but didn’t have an affair. What stopped him but not other men? Sex drive? Fear? Wholesomeness?

I always thought that any man would have an affair if he thought he could get away with it. AIBU?

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 30/08/2019 22:28

“I always thought that any man would have an affair if he thought he could get away with it”

So it’s never occurred to you that some don’t want to?

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:30

Yes, I can totally imagine a man not wanting to if he was in love with his wife. But if he has never been in love before and therefore doesn’t love his wife then no, I don’t understand it.

OP posts:
SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 30/08/2019 22:32

I always thought that any man would have an affair if he thought he could get away with it. AIBU?

Not unreasonable so much as ignorant amd sexist.

Soreo · 30/08/2019 22:32

Some people (man/woman/hybrid) have these elusive things called morals. YABU

Woodlandwitch · 30/08/2019 22:33

My DH has been with his ex for 10 years before me but didn’t think he was in love

It’s a shame as it sounds like him along with many me.l stay in relationships out of convenience before finding someone they really do love

Abouttimemum · 30/08/2019 22:33

it’s just common decency not to screw over people you’re supposed to care about. It’s really easy not to have an affair actually. For both men and women.

However it does beg the question about why on earth he’d get married to someone he’s not in love with. He’s setting himself up for a lifetime of unhappiness. And his wife for that matter.

hazandduck · 30/08/2019 22:34

Are you the woman he met? Maybe he’s lying about the depth of his feelings for the mother of his children.

Shortfeet · 30/08/2019 22:35

I cannot believe you actually think any man would have an affair if they thought they would get away with it.

Why would you believe such a thing ?

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:35

Woodlandwitch maybe the regular sex, hot meals, clean house and laundry is enough for these men??

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 30/08/2019 22:36

There’s a reason you asked this isn’t there OP?

There’s a million reasons not to have an affair, with love being just one of them. I’ve been accused of being anti male on here but I’ve never even thought anything like what you’re saying OP.

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2019 22:36

I always thought that any man would have an affair if he thought he could get away with it. AIBU?

Bloody hell, not even a hint of shame in your sexism Confused

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:37

However it does beg the question about why on earth he’d get married to someone he’s not in love with. He’s setting himself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
He says he just doesn’t think about love. Has never been in love. Presumably his wife is unaware of this.

OP posts:
LemonAddict · 30/08/2019 22:37

Interesting. What’s your relationship to this man?

I’m guessing you’re the other woman, or an other woman. He’s confided a lot about his marriage to you...

Walnutwhipster · 30/08/2019 22:38

Morals and fear of what he'd lose. DH never has to my knowledge but one thing he knows absolutely is that there would be no second chance. My closest friend has just split with her DH after 15 years and three children. I think he thought he wouldn't get caught or that he could sweet talk her. He threw his beautiful family life away for sex once with a stranger and is now all woe is me.

Vulpine · 30/08/2019 22:38

'Regular sex'! Hmm

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:38

Maybe he’s lying about the depth of his feelings for the mother of his children.
Maybe but why do that?

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 30/08/2019 22:38

Still doesn’t answer the question about why he’d marry someone he doesn’t love.

baubled · 30/08/2019 22:38

@TamaraDeLempicka I'm going to assume that he has previously and probably still does tells her he loves her? I'm pretty sure you don't get married without them words ever being mentioned.

Are you the woman who this man now has feelings for OP?

RosaWaiting · 30/08/2019 22:39

OP

Give it up. Maybe he just wants to stay home and relax.

The world is full of married men, if that’s what you’re after.

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:39

Why would you believe such a thing?
I’m not sure. Of the 4 relationships I have had, 3 have cheated. I know lots of people having affairs.

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 30/08/2019 22:41

Abouttime

“Still doesn’t answer the question about why he’d marry someone he doesn’t love”

Also lots of reasons people get married apart from love.

MN is extra weird tonight. Grin

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:42

He’s a serial monogamist and has never broken up with anyone. They always break up with him. There’s probably some explanation in that that I haven’t worked out yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:44

I didn’t think it was sexist. I thought it was just the biology of things.

Maybe I mix in circles where this is more prevalent.

My occupation is well known for having extra marital relationships.

OP posts:
june2007 · 30/08/2019 22:45

Or any women?

Original poster
TamaraDeLempicka · 30/08/2019 22:45

Regular sex, he tells me that they have regular sex.

OP posts:
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