FIL threatening to call the police because DH won’t speak to him WWYD?

[CloudberryJam]

As title says. Father in law has threatened (by email) to call the police because DH won’t speak to him. Says it's a “welfare check” because he doesn’t know how DH (in his 40s) or our child is. The ILs were cut off for abuse (called DH names to our child) and threats to me (said they would come in my home and see my son whether I liked it or not).

I think we should send the email to the police so they have heads up that it is time wasting because the ILs know DH is not speaking to them and the reasons why, and tell the ILs we’ve done that (with copy to the police) so the police don’t arrive at our door.

Is that unreasonable?

101 website now has a chat function on it. Maybe try that if it's working today?

I'd just ignore it and definitely wouldn't reply to them.
If the police turn up, just explain the situation

Call the police on him. Harassment and intimidating behaviour.

Ignore it! They are looking for a reaction, so don't feed the beast.

The email won’t stop the police coming around if someone calls with a concern.

Ignore it and don’t buy into his attempts to force you and DH into conversing with him.

If he does then you can explain the situation to the police, they’re used to that kind of thing. If they do it repeatedly they’ll get warned for wasting police time (my brother “expressed concern” several times in a short space of time and ended up with a harassment warning).

Block them on all avenues. Let them look stupid calling the police.
Or send an email first advising them you will be seeking legal advice for the harassment...

Ignore him entirely. The police would not take him seriously. Any check would be a tick exercise easily dealt with. Do not ring the police yourself, you would look a little foolish

I wouldn't reply to your FIL whatsoever. If he wants to call the police, let him. If the police come to your door, show them the email and explain why you're no longer communicating with your FIL. The police will leave very quickly, I assure you. Your FIL is using emotional terrorism and manipulation in order to force contact. Don't fall for it.

Cease and desist letter? Or ignore totally

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.

As soon as you reply to ILs they will see it as a victory so will continue with their bullying ways.

Just get on with your lives and don't give it anymore thought - if the police do turn up a short chat will your DH will clear matters up.

I'd ignore it. And him.

On the miniscule off-chance that a copper did come round, you could cordially invite them to tell FIL for wasting police time embroiling them in a family dispute.

Can you block his emails? My DH has his father's emails go to a separate folder in the inbox, so he doesn't see them, lol.

Ignore his email and if he wants to call the police, let him.

I strongly suspect that the police will immediately realise what is going on here, and will tell him they have no grounds to visit a property simply because his son won't speak to him. The police will also know that your in-laws do not have an automatic right to see your grandchild. If your FIL lies in order to get the police to come round, the police will realise this immediately when they arrive and talk to you and will know that FIL was wasting their time. Absolutely none of this drama will reflect badly on you - you've done nothing wrong and the police will know this.

Definitely keep the email so you can show it to someone if you need to, but don't do anything proactively and don't respond to FIL.

We did block emails, he got a new email address. At least I presume DH did, he meant to. The email was to him. I have printed a copy of it off in case the police come while DH is out. This is my concern, I am a sAHP at the moment and DH works away a lot. I think DH is going to have to register something with the police for that reason alone. I mean the ILs could say anything and if DH isn’t here...

I've heard of instances similar to this happening in the US, never the UK though. But wherever it happens, I suspect the police are well-versed in time-wasting, manipulative people who use their (already stretched) services wholly to bend other people to do their will. I doubt it ever goes down well.

Do nothing. Reply to nothing (but keep copies of every piece of communication you receive). Let FiL do his worst. The police won't be interested in the minutiae of any parent/child dispute and will have the measure of such people.

Also expect a health crisis soon if this doesn’t work.

Someone, probably FIL, will end up in a&e with chest pains or dizziness, or there will be a lump/bump/mark found.

Have a look at the stately home thread.

^ I mean that DH meant to block them, don’t know whether he did. FIL used a new email address.

Let them call the police. If they come round for a welfare check DH can explain the situation.

DO NOT answer the IL email - they are just trying to get a response from you.

You can't call the police because someone wont talk to you.

That's like calling 999 because KFC is shut.

NB. your FiL might just be doing you a favour if he does report. Grandparents' rights are not a 'thing' in the UK, but are very much more a thing than most people anticipate. And if given leave to apply to a court for a contact order, many of them in fact are successful.

If you have a paper trail and email communication showing he's harrassed you and actually gone so far as to maliciously involve the police, and he does take it into his head to follow up the GPR route, he'll find he's blotted his copybook.

Well done on cutting these toxic people out. Who the hell do they think they are?

lyralalala Do you mean they will try and blame us for hurting one of them? They live hundreds of miles away so that would be a rather far fetched lie.

Just ignore him. It's unlikely the police would do a welfare check on a 40 year old man, and they will have seen this issue before.

If they come round, just explain you're not speaking for good reasons, and that you don't want co tact with FIL. Police will likely tell him you're all fine but not to make contact.

@CloudberryJam The best thing you can do is let the emails come in, ignore them and don’t worry about the police coming round.

When my brother called them he told them no one had heard from me. They knocked the door, asked if I was Lyra, asked for some ID and then said that they’d been sent my someone who was concerned. I explained the situation and told them that my DH, MIL, my kids, friends etc had all heard from me as normal. They apologised for bothering me and left.

This happened twice more and they then warned my brother to stop wasting police time. Honestly, don’t worry about it.

Don't worry about a welfare check; the police will be perfectly friendly and polite. Better to let the police formally log it as a pointless (potentially malicious) callout, in case FIL continues to call them. They know how to deal with these matters. x

MarieIVanArkleStinks he’s already blotted his copybook. They both have. We have threats in writing.

There's nothing you can register with the police here. If FIL phones and convinces them that he has reason to believe something might have happened to his son, they'll do a welfare check - they'll visit, and check everyone is okay. That's the extent of it. They won't confirm anything back to FIL other than that a visit was completed.

I hope they lose interest.