AIBU to reject a regular lift in a dirty car?

[BettySundaes]

Met a mum at a regular activity my DD goes to, got chatting and found she lives very close to me. We take the train to said activity she drives and offered us a regular lift.

Both mum and daughter seem nice, well dressed etc but I was shocked when we got in the car. Not just rubbish everywhere, crumbs on the seats, grimy carpet just the pits - I felt like I needed a shower after the ride. I've grinned and borne it a few times and we have now had the summer break but I really would prefer to take the train. Activity starts back next week - what excuse can I make though??

Some people are so ungrateful!!

Oh how awful, crumbs and a few stains. Best not sit in the back directly on the seats - who knows what those stains could be 😉🤣

OP I used to work with a client whose behaviours included masturbating on trains often whilst defecating, ejaculating on the seats, then urinating. Those seats are heavily patterned for a reason. Bet that doesn't happen in her car, I'd take my chances with the lift.

Christ you'd die at the state of my car then!! It's full of crumbs, crisp packets, McDonald's wrappers. It probably gets emptied and hoovered about once every few months

You might want to read this OP -

www.thesun.co.uk/living/1755039/train-seats-are-over-six-times-filthier-than-toilets/

Personally, I'd take the lift.

It’s completely different to refuse a lift because you genuinely don’t want one from anyone, which doesn’t make you ungrateful or precious. And another to be willing to accept them only on the proviso the car reaches your bourgeois standards.

One of my work colleagues (engineer) regular gives me a lift home, his van is a total shit pit and there is barely a seat for me to sit on. He earns loads and is very good at his job, I would never judge him for having a dirty van and I could always walk at the end of the day.

My car houses my tack, has a strong whiff of horse about it and bits of hay/straw where they shouldn’t be......life is good (and my house is cleaner, generally!!)

Come on fussypants, accept a lift that is kindly offered.

Just explain to her that you can’t encroach on her generosity anymore of going out of her way to drive you home because you’re extremely uptight and you’ve been judging her and her car and she’ll soon stop offering lifts I’m sure.

You could say your utilising the train journey for homework / some other learning journey.
The voucher for valeting as a thank you is a lovely idea i would LOVE if someone did that for me haha.
Dont make snide jokes or digs.
Either get the car cleaned as a present or decline the lifts. She isnt exactly going to press it as she wont have to go out of her way any more.

I don’t understand why people are so proud of having filthy cars. It doesn’t take that long to clear out, and surely food wrappers etc come out with you when you get out?

I’m with you OP. I would be looking for excuses. You could say perhaps that your DD needs to do her homework or reading or something and can’t do that with a friend in a car, but can do it on a train.

People with kids do not all have filthy cars, mine isn't pristine but it's pretty darn clean. More people see the inside of my car than inside my house so I don't want it looking a tip plus I love my car. Dsis' car is as OP describes so I can well imagine but I survive, just offer to drive more often than not. As that's not an option I'd go with car sickness OP but say it's you that gets queasy.

say DD staying at eg grandparent's once/twice a week from now on so you will get train to/from from there

What's her personal situation? If she's overall well presented, either 1. She doesn't give a shit about her car or your impression of her car (which seems strange if she's well presented) , or 2. She's struggling and the car is something she just doesn't have time to handle.

Maybe try and befriend her and see if she is OK?

tell her that your daughter says she really loves the train and its a treat, so youre going to do that for a while, but its really kind to offer the lift

Why not offer to get it cleaned and valeted at a car wash as a thank you for giving you lifts?

Can you have something folded up in your bag that you can discreetly put on the seat?

Nope, I do not care about the state of my car. At all. Life is too short, and I spend all my weekends battling to keep on top of the house, which I do care about.

OP, you're going to have to put up with it for a few weeks- if this mum comes on MN she'll know it's you if you suddenly come out with one of these excuses.

You could accidentally spill pop everywhere, apologise profusely and pay for it to be valeted.

Mother, is that you?

I'm surprised you all have such skanky cars when you wash towels and sheets after every use.

I wash bedsheets weekly and towels twice a week, but my car is also fairly clutter free. Periodically it is vacuumed inside as well but as for clean I’ve never disinfected it, despite numerous grubby post-soft play children’s hands all over it, so it’s probably deceptively filthy even though it never looks it.

my car is full of dog hair and gets tidied every now and then but no valeting !

Granted I don't see the inside of many cars but none like the descriptions on here.

My sister has dogs but they go on the boot.

I thought everyone hoovered our their cars weekly and washed them Sunday mornings.

I felt a bit guilty as I just shake the mats out and hoover now and again.