AIBU to reject a regular lift in a dirty car?

[BettySundaes]

Met a mum at a regular activity my DD goes to, got chatting and found she lives very close to me. We take the train to said activity she drives and offered us a regular lift.

Both mum and daughter seem nice, well dressed etc but I was shocked when we got in the car. Not just rubbish everywhere, crumbs on the seats, grimy carpet just the pits - I felt like I needed a shower after the ride. I've grinned and borne it a few times and we have now had the summer break but I really would prefer to take the train. Activity starts back next week - what excuse can I make though??

It's going to need a lot of Zoflora to come up to MN standards!

😂😂😂 you’d have a meltdown in my car then 😬

you'd rather pay for the train than to have a lift? wow. maybe you should just offer to have her car valeted once a month in return for the lifts. she probably doesn't have time or the inclination to clean it once she gets home and is doing you a lovely favour by taking you. will save her a job and be less than your train fare there and back, plus as winter approaches you won't get wet waiting for public transport.

I have friends who cars is a mess. I dnt care because ypu know its their car not mine. But I am grateful when they do make the effort to take to places etc...

So the carpet is grim and what/ youre not going to eat from it.
Crumbs in the seats? Shick horror, some children have eaten in the car!!
I do think you are been very precious.

As to what excuse you can use? Whatever but be sure that she will see through it. Or think you are blanking her for another reason.
Because tbh trains are usually filthy (Google how many bacteria are found on train seats...) so not wanting to be in her car will look

OP if you don’t have a car with a child then you can’t really comment. They’re animals. Car journeys are usually a rushed hot mess and you can’t wait to get in and out of the car with them therefore not much time to clean them...

Yes, go and sit in the piss stained seats on the train.

No excuse for a filthy car. Block an hour off at the weekend to get it cleaned. OP I'd take the train too! shudders

YANBU my car is disgusting, the kids do lots of evening clubs and often have to eat in the car. I often offer people lifts but always point out they may wish they had a hazmat suit. I'd sometimes prefer to walk than drive it 🤣

I do find the trains much cleaner, and I am happy to pay the fare, the longer journey, waiting on platforms in the rain etc.

I have been in plenty of other parent's cars - I know they aren't immaculate, but I go to get in I'm wondering where to put all the stuff on the seat, the footwell is full and I'm hoovering with my feet in the air, I can hear the crunch as crumbs are crushed when I click the seatbelt in place, the belt itself feels sticky too.

Just say you enjoy the train journey with your DD as it’s time you spend together and thank her for her generosity in the past.

Just say "thanks for doing me a massive favour for all this time but I'd rather wait in the rain for a late, expensive, packed train because someone's spilt a bottle of pop on your upholstery and I'm too precious to sit on it even though it'll have no negative impact on me"

No crumbs in my car but it’s proper untidy - receipts etc everywhere! DH calls it my mobile bin. I have a friend who has a couple of dogs though and the car was full of dog smell and hairs and I always feel grubby when we go anywhere in his car! So I know how you feel, OP.

I wouldn't want to go in a skanky car either op

Tell her that you want to spend more quality talking time with your DD and travelling by train is a good opportunity for that.

I agree with NotSorry. Say you and your DD like the train. But I do think you are bonkers. Have you thought this through? Drafty train platforms/cancelled trains in winter as opposed to nice warm car? Mad.

I wouldn't want to go in a skanky car either op. But I think @amihavinganervousbreakdown has the best idea here. What a super thank you gift and totally appropriate to what you are thanking her for.

I do find the trains much cleaner

I am almost certain that they will be less hygienic even if superficially looking cleaner.

Just tell her the truth. At worst she will think you are rude and ungrateful but at least you aren’t also a liar. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Her car is unhygienic and it is your responsibility to tell her.

OOH please do this, and secretly film it so we can all see?

Yanbu. I mean I completely disagree as it wouldn't bother me but it's your choice. We're all different in what bothers us. If it stank of dog I'd say no, but crumbs and general mess wouldn't bother me.

I imagining Hyacinth in Onslow's car.

I AM! Sorry, missed the "am"

the footwell is full and I'm hoovering with my feet in the air

Well that should leave her car nice and clean...

My husband is a bit ocd about our cars and gets annoyed when they get a speck of dirt on them (no exaggeration honestly!) And because I've got used to it I too hate getting in cars that are grimy inside.

How about, as a thank you for the regular lifts, you offer her a small contribution to the petrol and a full valet at the local hand car wash as your 'treat'. Pay for it in advance so that she has to use it.