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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to reject a regular lift in a dirty car?

125 replies

BettySundaes · 29/08/2019 18:00

Met a mum at a regular activity my DD goes to, got chatting and found she lives very close to me. We take the train to said activity she drives and offered us a regular lift.

Both mum and daughter seem nice, well dressed etc but I was shocked when we got in the car. Not just rubbish everywhere, crumbs on the seats, grimy carpet just the pits - I felt like I needed a shower after the ride. I've grinned and borne it a few times and we have now had the summer break but I really would prefer to take the train. Activity starts back next week - what excuse can I make though??

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 29/08/2019 18:52

I’d hate that too OP.

CookPassBabtridge · 29/08/2019 18:52

I have low standards but your most recent post description sounds grim! I would just say you enjoy that mum and daughter alone time which I'm sure isn't even a lie. I walk to school the same direction as a few mums I know, a few have tried to get me to meet every day to walk but I just said I like the time just me and my boy as we never get it otherwise.

gowgow · 29/08/2019 18:52

Pretend that you are now car-sick, whilst gently caressing your belly?

Seriously, I'd just wear old dark clothes & open the window - & perhaps offer to pay for a valet as a token of appreciation.

InvernessAdventure · 29/08/2019 18:52

I have a filthy car. I'm not embarrassed about it because I just have better (or at least numerous other) things to do besides clean it out. I'd offer you a lift if we were going the same way habitually, but the truth is that accommodating other kids and mums is a drag because you have to be on time, and chat whether you feel like it or not, and keep people informed if your plans change. So if you turned down the lift I offered you, I wouldn't care less and actually would probably be a bit glad (especially as you seem quite snooty).

I would also be delighted if you offered to wash and clean out my car for me because no other fucker ever does, despite the fact that I drive the whole family here, there and everywhere, whether it suits me or not, and sometimes without even a thank you.

So, those are your choices, from the perspective of a skanky car owner.

bobstersmum · 29/08/2019 18:52

And trains are so immaculately clean!

gilliansgardenbench · 29/08/2019 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrainspottingWelsh · 29/08/2019 18:57

Mine is like labelles with a sprinkling of dogs for good measure. When I clean it I sweep rather than dust or vacuum.

How about ‘look, I know beggars can’t be choosers, and you only offered me a lift because you’re a kind person, rather than because you particularly want me and my ungrateful arse in your car. But if you don’t get it professionally valeted, I’m not going to let you do me generous favours anymore. So put that in your pipe and smoke it’.

And then please update.

Am I alone in hoping this poor woman spots the thread and is alerted to her so called friend?

speakout · 29/08/2019 18:58

You describe my car OP.

I have had mice infestations in my car and the roof leaks so I have several ponds in footwells, ashtrays and door pockets.
In the spring I plan to fill them with frog spawn.

It;s my way of helping the planet.

You could take the bus- that would also be good.

Ponoka7 · 29/08/2019 18:59

amihavinganervousbreakdown
"you'd rather pay for the train than to have a lift? wow. maybe you should just offer to have her car valeted once a month in return for the lifts. she probably doesn't have time or the inclination to clean it once she gets home and is doing you a lovely favour by taking you."

But if the lift isn't really wanted, it isn't a favour. I get a travel pass, as do many people, so individual journeys are just in with the cost. Why should you have to put yourself at extra expense?

I'd make a joke about her not being big on car cleaning etc.

I can't sit in visable filth, though.

Whatafackinliberty · 29/08/2019 18:59

I'd imagine she'll be quite glad not to have to give a bellend like you a lift anymore tbh.

Original poster
BettySundaes · 29/08/2019 19:01

There is a dog in the picture too.

I like the Magic Tree gift idea.

I'm surprised you all have such skanky cars when you wash towels and sheets after every use.

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 29/08/2019 19:01

You see, THIS is the reason I've refused to sign up for the work 'car share' thingy even though it means I'd get priority parking, because then I'd have to spend every weekend making the car as pristine as a taxi! I have enough to do IN the house and garden without including the car. I regularly clear out real rubbish but the sand, biscuit crumbs and unidentifiable stains on the chairs just get left until I get a full week off to hoover and scrub.

mogloveseggs · 29/08/2019 19:04

My car is a tip. Well no it's not that bad at the moment but it's not great. The one person who commented (apart from dm) got told to walk next time.

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 29/08/2019 19:04

YANBU. I feel you. My friend has a filthy car. I am not house proud but you can get in my car without sitting in crumbs. Her DH eats sausage rolls on his commute so there was loads of flaky pastry in there last time it was her turn to drive us to spin.

Gross.

InvernessAdventure · 29/08/2019 19:06

I'd make a joke about her not being big on car cleaning etc.

No, don't do this. Because it's not really a joke, is it, it's a dig. Especially if she actually hates having a dirty car but just hasn't got the time to maintain the high standards you expect.

And no magic tree! That really would be skanky!

gilliansgardenbench · 29/08/2019 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

makingmammaries · 29/08/2019 19:14

I shake out the footwell mats in my car occasionally. In the past, I shared lifts with a family whose extremely precious DD not only threw half-eaten items around my car, but also asked me to clean it before collecting her next time. Needless to say, I didn’t. I just removed the trash from time to time. It’s difficult to gauge the level of skankiness of your friend’s car, OP. What makes her different from the rest of us is that her seat fabric shows the stains. This is not about unreasonable or reasonable, just about priorities.

Lexilooo · 29/08/2019 19:19

My car is basically a skip, my last one didn't get an interior clean in about 200,000 miles. It is a great way of never having to give people a lift more than once! More effective than owning a two seater.

Whereland · 29/08/2019 19:23

I don't think a lot of those responding have ever been in a truly disgusting car. My colleague gave me a lift once (to a joint home visit) and I was horrified by her car. I have seen a lot of really poorly kept homes in my time (work in mental health services) so I don't shock easily but this was like nothing I'd ever seen before.

gilliansgardenbench · 29/08/2019 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuckingFrolics · 29/08/2019 19:31

My car has its own ecosystem, it's so grubby. You sound shallow.

NameChange92 · 29/08/2019 19:33

YANBU. People saying you're precious and that all people with children have messy cars have either never been in the kind of car that's genuinely disgusting or are the people your children's friends talk about.

I still remember the one family who gave us a lift (thirty odd years ago) who had a disgusting car. I'm quite sure none of my other friends/ my parents had pristine cars, but this was just a different level. It's also really horrible being in a confined place which smells. And we (as kids with not exactly high standards) did not want to go in that car again.

I wouldn't give an excuse, just thank her sincerely and tell her you don't need her to pick you up as you're going to be taking the train. If and only if she pushes I'd go with the line a pp has suggested - that you want the 1:1 time with your dd.

derxa · 29/08/2019 19:35

You'd hate my car OP. it has a faint whiff of sheep shit. Today it had its annual valeting when it went for a service. happy days Grin

Crustytoenail · 29/08/2019 19:46

This is MN at it's best........

Accept a lift from someone? You're lazy, can't possibly be independent, selfish entitled..... the list goes on.

Don't want to accept a lift from someone? You're ungrateful, ignorant, precious.......

I don't drive, and I have a pass for public transport, and I quite like the alone time on my way to work and I enjoy going somewhere with DD on the bus/train and having that time. Turning down a lift doesn't make me ungrateful, whatever the reason. People's attitudes towards non drivers are just fucking wierd, I can get where I need to go and I don't 'need' transporting anywhere. I'm grateful if offered a lift but I don't need it, and sometimes don't want it either - it's other people who think I do.

However, having grown up with family and friends having mobile tack rooms/kennels for cars, the state of the car wouldn't bother me that much really!

TowelNumber42 · 29/08/2019 19:47

Say you like the train so you will be taking the train.

I love trains, so do my DC, especially when they were tiny. I've turned down many a lift because we actively wanted to get the train. Some people think we're odd to love trains but I don't care. They can carry on thinking we're odd while we are happily reading books and singing Peppa Pig clickety clack silently in our heads while not chatting to anyone on trains.