To not let 16 year old get a tragus or helix piercing?

[EllC]

DD is 16 and has been into 'alternative' music and style for the last year. Many of her friends have a lot of piercings. She has always had one lobe piercing in each ear, but last year I let her have her seconds done (still in the lobes). This was on the condition that she didn't get those (ghastly imo, sorry) ear stretchers, which she was also on about.

She now wants a tragus piercing on one ear and a helix piercing on the other. This is banned in her school, but apparently they won't care. (She is technically not allowed to have her seconds done, it is meant to be one piercing in each ear only, I didn't know this when I let her have it done, they've never seemed to complain tbh)
I don't like the idea myself, pain, risk of infection, and tbh I don't think anyone needs that many piercings, she already has 2 in each ear. She has a part time job so she could pay for it herself and has offered to.
I just don't want her to have it done but there's not a lot I can do to stop her is there?

She is 16 and it is her body. I think at that age, whether you like something or not is irrelevant. It’s not a good message to teach a 16 year old girl that she doesn’t have bodily autonomy.

Different if you had valid reasons beyond your own dislike.

No she can go and get as many piercings as she likes at 16. Make sure she gets them don't in a proper tattoo and piercing studio. I have a lot of ear piercings and I still love them.

Yabu

@AltogetherAndrews my 'reason' that I would be giving her is that it is banned at her school, not just that I don't like it

My 14 year old had a helix piercing, paid for with her own money. It’s fine, she looked after it beautifully and wore a clear plastic stud whilst it was healing at school. I like her taking charge a bit more of what image she likes to project. Part of growing up.

I don't think I'd be too against it, but then I was the girl wanting that sort of thing 30 years ago! I don't think you should be stopping her - unless she is serious about those awful ear stretching things (so many regret them and end up having surgery to try and make their ears look 'normal' again). I would compromise and let her have the helix piercing - I think they can look really good. Find a reputable piercer and go with her: she'll be happy that you're listening to her and treating her like an (almost) adult.

Pick your battles. If this is the hill you choose to die on, expect a full-on rebellion. Tattoos, the lot.

Also, best to do one at a time: if she wants one in one ear, and one in the other, sleeping may be difficult whilst they are healing.

At 16 I'm not sure "letting" her comes into it. She could go and get it done at almost studios round here. It's her body, it's not permanent and she's already shown she can look after piercings so 🤷🏼‍♀️ what's the problem. I think any ear piercing is way better than a facial piercing as far as discreetness goes.

'banned but they won't care' says who? Your DD? Of course she's going to say that.

I think it's fine at that age BUT it's against the school rules and they could tell her to remove them or not come into school (yes petty but there you go). She really needs the full 6 weeks before even thinking about taking them out. Why didn't she get them done at the beginning of the holidays? Doh!

I had a helix and mine went awfully manky and I had to have it cut out at the hospital. Will she take care of it? Diligently?

at that age, I used to wear ear cuffs instead of helix piercings as I wouldn't have been allowed a helix piercing at school.

Piercings arent permanent,tattoos are.pick your battles

I think YABU. At least you haven’t used the “it’s a phase” line. I wanted belly button pierced at 13 (which as an adult, I agree it was too young) mum said no so I asked my dad and got it and still have it in at 33 and 3 children down so each to their own. If she really wants them both then my advice is to go for it at same time. I had Tragus in one ear and daith and helix in other ear, the pain was horrendous but I wouldn’t have gone back for the second if I’d left!!

Stretched ears don't have to be massive. I have mine at 6mm, possibly 8mm I can't remember. I don't wear tunnels in them generally, just plugs. They will close down if I decided to let them, under 1cm is usually the limit for still able to close by themselves.

It really sounds as if you're talking about a 12 yr old! You seriously have to loosen your grip on her or she's going to be off as soon as she's able.

At 16 if you take your id to a piercing shop she would legally be allowed to have it done without a parents permission. If school have a problem with it she can take it out and pop it back in at the end of the day.

Will she go behind your back and do it? My parents were strict with piercings and I only had my lobes done till I was 16 and then I was allowed my belly button done. A year later I got the bottom of my belly button done and haven't stopped since, a lot of the piercings I had done in my teens were to basically show my parents they couldn't stop me.

@ems137 when she got her seconds they got quite infected and she had to go to the doctors, she claims she took care of them properly but I'm not sure if she did or not. She's older now so I guess she probably would.

@PeriComoToes Yes, DD is trying to persuade me that the school won't notice or care (tbh her form tutor is supposed to check for things like that but he's a man and doesn't seem to notice or be bothered by that kind of stuff- lots of girls in her class walk round with really heavy makeup- also not allowed)

She wants to have it done in claires. If she has it done, she's not having it done there. I'd rather take her somewhere and get it done in a proper studio- that's not cool apparently.

YABU - you can easily get discreet clear or flesh coloured studs for barbells these days. Plus she can take them out if necessary and no one would ever know.

Also re a pp's point on flesh tunnels - earlobe stretching up to a certain gauge (2g - 4g) can revert back to the original lobe size depends on the elasticity of the skin, so this isn't a permanent body mod either.

Don't let her have them done in Claire's. Those kind of piercings are done with a needle rather than a gun. To my knowledge they don't have the training to pierce using a needle.

A tattoo studio isn't cool? I imagine the idea of being taken there by her mum is the uncool bit. Why not look at studios with her online and then let her make her own mind up?

Sorry but stretched ears are not 'horrible'.
You do not need surgery to shrink them back to normal unless you go above a certain measurement.

Not your body? Not your business.

Also please take her to a proper piercing studio to take it done if possible. Piercings should always be done with a needle by an expert, not by a gun from some random Claire's employee.

Pretty sure the age to get piercings without parental consent is 16, my mom always tried to stop me getting piercings because she didn't like them, and if I'm honest at that age it only spurred me on more! I had 12 piercings by the age of 17 because my mom constantly stopped me doing things and piercings were the one thing that I didn't need her consent for, so I went overboard 😂 but that's just me and I'm not saying your daughter will be the same at all!

Piercings can always close up and getting them now doesn't mean your daughter will keep them forever! She might change her mind and take them out and let them close up when she gets older, equally she might keep them forever, but if it's her way of showing her individuality and style then so be it ☺️❤️

I’d let her. She’s 16. She doesn’t have to ask you really- and piercings are fairly low key and not permanent.
Definitely at a proper place- cartilage piercing really needs to be done with a needle.