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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old get a tragus or helix piercing?

114 replies

EllC · 29/08/2019 17:25

DD is 16 and has been into 'alternative' music and style for the last year. Many of her friends have a lot of piercings. She has always had one lobe piercing in each ear, but last year I let her have her seconds done (still in the lobes). This was on the condition that she didn't get those (ghastly imo, sorry) ear stretchers, which she was also on about.

She now wants a tragus piercing on one ear and a helix piercing on the other. This is banned in her school, but apparently they won't care. (She is technically not allowed to have her seconds done, it is meant to be one piercing in each ear only, I didn't know this when I let her have it done, they've never seemed to complain tbh)
I don't like the idea myself, pain, risk of infection, and tbh I don't think anyone needs that many piercings, she already has 2 in each ear. She has a part time job so she could pay for it herself and has offered to.
I just don't want her to have it done but there's not a lot I can do to stop her is there?

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 29/08/2019 19:24

I would make her wait till she's 18. How many people want to be stuck with the alternative fashions they liked at 16! Nose and belly button piercings more or less close up but these are more permanent.

SweetAsSpice · 29/08/2019 19:25

*sorry, I missed the part about - she will definitely go ahead and get them done anyway, with or without your permission. Piercings are very irresistible Grin

Use this as an opportunity to teach her responsibility by getting her to do most of the work herself Wink

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/08/2019 19:27

Dd has had loads of piercings from 15 onwards, I went with her when she got her tongue done the first time. (She now has two in her tongue)
They are harmless, she loves them and always goes to somewhere reputable, she's just had both nipples done as an 18th birthday present to herself which takes her up to around 20.
I really don't like the stretching or the septum piercing but it's not my body.

Popsicales · 29/08/2019 19:30

I’d let her on the condition she goes somewhere reputable and not claire’s! I had my helix and tragus pierced in the same ear at the same time. It really hurt!

Don’t let her get them on separate sides at the same time! Then she won’t be able to sleep on either side for a good few weeks.

Popsicales · 29/08/2019 19:33

People don’t notice mine btw. Apart from a child I work quite closely with who said ‘Ewwww miss, you’ve got a little something stuck on your ear’

So it’s clearly not to everyone’s taste Grin

PookieDo · 29/08/2019 19:35

I would allow it. My DD is 17 and went and had her ears done without me a few months ago when she was 16 (second holes)
It is her body but I wouldn’t give permission for tattoos

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/08/2019 19:41

Different boroughs have different regulations, DD couldn't have hers done in Metalmorphosis because Westminster had different regs to our Zone 6

Claires told me they DO cartilidges but only certain areas of the ears, still wouldn't risk a gun there .

My DD had lobes , helix , tragus , belly button. The helix and tragus got granulomas and she took them out ...no scar .

I told her if the school objected she'd have to remove them.

DD is now considering a tattoo , but she's only 17 so that's 'No' .

TigerDroveAgain · 29/08/2019 20:07

Does she play sport? DS had a helix one at about 15 and the issue he came up against was how to deal with it on the football pitch: he should have had it done right after the end of the season but didn’t and it had to come out. Two years later he has one lobe piercing and isn’t bothered about anything else.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/08/2019 20:20

70
DD and I are getting matching tatoos soon, it'll be her first, my third.

WillowPeach · 29/08/2019 20:24

Sorry OP I think you’re being a tad controlling. Sure you’re a parent but it’s her body and at 16 she’s old enough to know what she wants. My Dad let me get my second lobes done when I was 14 under the premise I wouldn’t ask for anymore. I didn’t, but then in my twenties I went on to get a Daith piercing and my nose pierced. He was worried it would affect my employment prospects, it didn’t, I’m now 28 earning £32k in a respectful profession. Really it’s not the end of the world if she gets them Smile. I’d support her, she’s going to do it either way at some point.

MoaningMinnie1 · 29/08/2019 20:29

PrincessHoneysuckle
Piercings arent permanent,tattoos are.pick your battles
----
Sensible!

Needanewname2 · 29/08/2019 20:30

Definitely take her to get it done at a proper tattoo and piercing studio.

My mum refused to let me have mine done so I did it myself with the aid of ice and quite a bit of vodka (sterilising and anaesthetic purposes) ended up with collapsed cartilage on that side.

The other side that I had done properly healed up in my early 30s (as have my upper lobes, tragus and daith) you cant even see where they were.

My one tip would be to get each side done separately as they do hurt to sleep on for about 6 weeks.

Happygilmorelove · 29/08/2019 20:35

Yabu she is 16.

iolaus · 29/08/2019 20:58

My 17 year old has both of those piercings (I think they have been since her birthday but may have been just before.

She had her nose and second ear piercings done at 16

Fairly sure that they can have those done at 16 without parental consent - it's only intimate areas which are 18 - while I did know she went alone and didn't take anything to say she had parental consent

I have asked her not to have her lip or tongue done as I hate them, but some of her friends had them at 16/17

Biancadelrioisback · 29/08/2019 20:58

I got my tragus done when I was 16 in a backstreet shop which charged £2 and used a gun. I had to provide the stud.
I still have it done now, along with my other 15 piercings. My mam hates them and was really upset when I got my tragus done. I love my piercings, they make me happy. I know loads of people who took them out after a few years, hardly any have scarred.

Let her get it done. Claires is way less cool and childish compared to tattoo parlors.

justbeingadad · 29/08/2019 20:59

Why risk your relationship and trust with your DD over something so ideological and irrelevant. You may not like it, but you can't stop her, it's not going to make her a bad person, and you not approving will only make her rebel. It's literally of no consequence to you. She obviously has respect for you given she hasn't just done it so why not show her some respect and allow her to make her own decision.

iolaus · 29/08/2019 21:04

I also did the 'I'd rather you have it done by a needle not a gun' - she wanted the gun.

She went to the tattooist/piercer and they said they would only do them with a needle - so she accepted it from them. They also gave them (she went with her friend) 'I was a brave girl' badges - made me think of the dentist and little kids

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 29/08/2019 21:09

I work somewhere that does ear piercing (not Claire!!!!) and at 16 she doesn't need parental permission. I'd rather be with her getting it done than her come home and say ta dah look what I had done!!!

Lolwhat · 29/08/2019 21:10

It’s her body and she’s old enough to decide what happens to it🤷‍♀️

detectivebird · 29/08/2019 21:11

let her. my mum was always vocally against piercings and tattoos and it affected my relationship with my own body because i really felt like i didn't have control over what i wanted to look like. now thankfully she is a lot better about my tattoos and piercings and i feel so much more respected.

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 21:11

By the time I was 15 I had approximately 25 piercings, majority against my Mother’s wishes... The tragus was a nasty one, it severely rejected and my Mum had to drive me to a&e to have it removed. It was agony and a real mess, it became so swollen it covered my whole ear hole for reference.

Anyway, at 16 I think she can decide for herself with piercings really.

Ohbehave1 · 29/08/2019 21:39

@EllC

Oh dear. Controlling parent wants to stop daughter getting piercings. Here we go again.

A). You can't stop her - she can get it done legally
B). You are asking to get in a fight your are only going to lose in the long run.
C) you sound like a right boring old fart 

moodyblues · 29/08/2019 21:51

Haven’t read the full thread.

I took ds2 into a proper ear piercing studio today to see what he could have (don’t like ear piercings on young boys (he’s nine) that wasn’t a gold/silver stud.
While we were there ds1 16 got a scaffold (is that right? A big bar across his ear), I was shaking my head but he went ahead anyway and is so pleased with it. I hate it but as a pp said - piercings can be removed, tattoos can’t.
It’s his body and doesn’t hurt anyone - but it’s allowed at college which is the reason I would worry about your daughter getting it done. What a waste of money if she is told to take it out.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/08/2019 21:57

Gosh. I had 10 piercings by that age including tragus and belly button. Got my nose done at 17 then my tongue and nipples as an adult. Still have them all at nearly 30 and love them.

It's just a hole, she can take it out if she doesn't like it.

Ohbehave1 · 29/08/2019 21:58

@moodyblues. I guess all tattooed people are evil then....