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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old get a tragus or helix piercing?

114 replies

EllC · 29/08/2019 17:25

DD is 16 and has been into 'alternative' music and style for the last year. Many of her friends have a lot of piercings. She has always had one lobe piercing in each ear, but last year I let her have her seconds done (still in the lobes). This was on the condition that she didn't get those (ghastly imo, sorry) ear stretchers, which she was also on about.

She now wants a tragus piercing on one ear and a helix piercing on the other. This is banned in her school, but apparently they won't care. (She is technically not allowed to have her seconds done, it is meant to be one piercing in each ear only, I didn't know this when I let her have it done, they've never seemed to complain tbh)
I don't like the idea myself, pain, risk of infection, and tbh I don't think anyone needs that many piercings, she already has 2 in each ear. She has a part time job so she could pay for it herself and has offered to.
I just don't want her to have it done but there's not a lot I can do to stop her is there?

OP posts:
Chanandlerbong89 · 29/08/2019 17:50

I’d allow it as it’s only on the ear

Purplerain16 · 29/08/2019 17:50

Also, coming from someone with a lot of piercings and tattoos, please let her go to a studio for it. One with a good rep and good reviews online.

Please do not let her get it donr at Claires, these piercings are too delicate and tricky to be done with a gun

howdyalikemenow · 29/08/2019 17:50

Pretty sure Claire's won't do tragic/helix piercings anyway.

sweetkitty · 29/08/2019 17:50

YABU it’s her body and at 16 she doesn’t need your permission.

I have both my helix and tragus done and love them, if my DDs are 16 and want them done them it’s up to them to pay for it and look after them too.

howdyalikemenow · 29/08/2019 17:50

Tragus not tragic!

SansaSnark · 29/08/2019 17:51

The good thing about ear piercings of any kind is they are temporary- if she takes them out, no-one will even know that she had them. Nobody needs more piercings, but if you like them/the aesthetic (like me) then you're likely to want more than just two sets of lobe piercings.

The risk of infection is no more than in the lobes as long as she looks after them and gets pierced at a reputable place (not Claires).

If it were me, my stipulations would be:
-She must get the piercings done one at a time and heal them one at a time to reduce the infection risk.
-She must get pierced with a needle, not a gun as piercing guns are dangerous when used on cartilage and can't be sterilised properly.

-She pays for it.
-If she's asked to take them out at school she does so and accepts whatever sanction they give her.
-If they close over due to having to take them out at school, that's her problem and she doesn't complain about it.

FWIW, people barely notice my ear piercings- I've had various ones over the years. I've only ever had to take them out once and that was for a pretty niche reason. No-one's ever commented on them in my professional jobs.

I agree that it's a good idea to pick your battles!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 29/08/2019 17:56

The only thing uncool about going to a piercing studio is going with her mum. No wonder her other piercings got infected if she got them done at Claire's. Plastic tagging guns that can't be autoclaved and blunt studs that push through the flesh and cause microtears. Absolutely no way should they be used for lobes never mind cartilage piercings.

I don't know how to do links but check this and Googe needle v gun piercing.

www.urbanbodyjewelry.com/blog/whats-the-deal-with-piercing-guns/

Purplejay · 29/08/2019 18:00

Let her get on with it although I would advise doing one and letting it heal before doing the other. Also she should pay for it herself and must take it out if the school kick up a fuss. However if she knows others who are in school and have more piercings she will probably be fine. Are they more relaxed with 6th formers? Cartilage piercings take much longer to heal than lobes. Why don’t you want her to have them done? If she changes her mind when she is older she can take them out.

LaBelleSauvage · 29/08/2019 18:01

I wouldn't like it as I think piercings (and tattoos) look cheap, rough and common, but then I'm a snob.

I think at 16 she has the right to decide for herself- tell her that. But also tell her that it's her responsibility to deal with the school situation and she has to accept that they are within their rights to tell her to take it out.

At least it's not a tattoo. Yuck.

LaBelleSauvage · 29/08/2019 18:04

Also agree you should advise her to get one at a time, and to go to a proper piercing/tattoo establishment.

herculepoirot2 · 29/08/2019 18:07

I would back the school and not let her.

Purplejay · 29/08/2019 18:08

Surely Claire’s don’t do these? She needs to go to a piercing studio and have it done with a needle.

Piffle11 · 29/08/2019 18:10

I'd go to a proper tattoo studio/piercer. It may not be cool to have your DM with you, but maybe if you let her take a friend along and you hang back whilst she and the friend go in … you could get a feel for the piercer and place: they are usually very good and very up on after care.

leomama81 · 29/08/2019 18:13

Not arguing against her having them but fwiw even regular piercings do leave scars, they don't just vanish on everyone. My second piercing in one ear and my nose have never healed completely, and that's about 19 years after I took them out. I only had the nose piercing for about a year too before it fell out and I couldn't get it all the way back through and gave up. If I'd known that at the age of 38 I'd still have a bloody hole in my nose I never would have done it.

I definitely wouldn't forbid if it was my child, and you can't really anyway, but I might make her aware she might have to live with the scars for a long time, just so she was in full possession of the facts.

DaWeasleyWae · 29/08/2019 18:15

Helix and tragus piercings are pretty simple ones tbh, iv had my helix done since I was 10 and my tragus's (both) since I was 13. Theyre simple to keep clean and easily concealed with clear studs :) id be grateful that she isn't going behind your back to get her tongue or nipples pierced. Id definitely pick your battles for later down the line as, if she is alternative (and im assuming your not, by the way you mention stretchers) it'll be more intricate piercings and tattoos next :) I had my first tattoo at 14 - illegal i know, but there we go 🙈

SallieCat19 · 29/08/2019 18:30

I would let her get it done. I had my tragus and helix pierced when I was at school, the helix got infected and I ended up taking it out (no lasting damage) and the tragus was absolutely fine and I had that for a few years. I took piercings out when I was about 19, it was just a phase and I was bored of it by then. I wouldn’t worry about any lasting damage or of her having them forever, she will soon get bored of them, but it will show you respect her decisions to do what she wants with her body (within reason!)

SansaSnark · 29/08/2019 18:40

The ear piercings I've closed over, including a helix one, have sometimes left scars, but they're not noticeable at all. I do have other scars from body piercings which are visible if I'm e.g. in a bikini, but people tend not to notice them unless I point them out. I am pretty pale though, so scar tissue doesn't really show against my skin as much as it might on some people.

Honestly, my attitude with piercings was to get them done first and then tell my mum- so at least she is talking to you about it and not just diving in head first, but chances are she will eventually get them done one way or another!

Proseccoinamug · 29/08/2019 18:54

Her problem if she’s asked to remove them at school at her age. It really isn’t your call, OP, she doesn’t need your permission to do what she likes with her own body.

RunsForGummyBears · 29/08/2019 18:59

A tragus piercing is fairly run of the mill. I wouldn't class it as edgy at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But she needs to have it done properly with a needle.

Aprillygirl · 29/08/2019 19:06

Let her get it done. If school say anything she'll just have to remove them during school time won't she? No biggie.

MsHopey · 29/08/2019 19:11

At 16 I had 16 piercings and a tattoo.
No infections and i still have all 16 piercings in, except 2 are now those terrible flesh tunnels no one seems to like.
My only regret for my tattoo is i went too small and would rather use the space it takes up for something bigger!
I think it's quite a small thing to have another 2 year piercings, especially at her age.
She'll be going to uni and able to get tattoos without your permission and legally in 2 years. Try teaching her responsibility for her choices instead.

toria6118 · 29/08/2019 19:14

I think honestly, she’ll do it anyway. I myself have just one alternative piercing left which is a tragus ring in my right ear. Had it for years, it still gets irritated by my earphones. Having a piercing done with a needle is vastly different to a gun. When she hears the noise the needle makes through cartilage it might put her off any more. Mine didn’t hurt, but everyone is different. Also stretched my lobes many times up to 10mm, always mostly shrunk back down when my ears got too irritated to tolerate plugs and tunnels. I’d let my child have it if they were old enough.

JacquesHammer · 29/08/2019 19:19

She doesn’t need to ask your permission.

I would be simply enabling her to get it done somewhere safe and reputable.

prognos1s · 29/08/2019 19:20

At 16you don't need parental permission to get it done so it's nice that she's asking. Which is definitely not what I did when I turned up with my lip pierced on my 16th birthday that my friends paid for for my birthday ha. And in regards with her her school if they ask her to take it out then she'll have to take the repercussions and take it out

SweetAsSpice · 29/08/2019 19:20

What worriedaboutray said.

If she wants to do it, get her to show you she is responsible enough to research:

  1. A reputable piercers, who pierce with needles, not guns, in a sterile environment. Wanting to get it done at Claire’s shows both a lack of understanding of cartilage piercing. Claire’s use guns. There is a chance this could shatter the cartilage. Not to mention the risk of infection.
  1. The aftercare. From cleaning to concealing if it turns out it is banned at school (clear jewellery for example) she needs to know how to look after her piercings, how long they will take to heal, how to keep them safe and how to look after them if they get infected.

This is what I did at 12, to get my navel pierced at 13. (In hindsight, it was an outrageously young age.)

If she can’t do the above, she can’t get the piercings. If she can, allow her to take this step forwards towards adulthood - which includes making decisions for your own body, and living and dealing with the consequences. If you forbid this, to her, it will be so much more than about just the piercing.

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