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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old get a tragus or helix piercing?

114 replies

EllC · 29/08/2019 17:25

DD is 16 and has been into 'alternative' music and style for the last year. Many of her friends have a lot of piercings. She has always had one lobe piercing in each ear, but last year I let her have her seconds done (still in the lobes). This was on the condition that she didn't get those (ghastly imo, sorry) ear stretchers, which she was also on about.

She now wants a tragus piercing on one ear and a helix piercing on the other. This is banned in her school, but apparently they won't care. (She is technically not allowed to have her seconds done, it is meant to be one piercing in each ear only, I didn't know this when I let her have it done, they've never seemed to complain tbh)
I don't like the idea myself, pain, risk of infection, and tbh I don't think anyone needs that many piercings, she already has 2 in each ear. She has a part time job so she could pay for it herself and has offered to.
I just don't want her to have it done but there's not a lot I can do to stop her is there?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/08/2019 21:58

For the love of god though do not let her have it done at Claire's.

dollydaydream114 · 29/08/2019 22:00

At 16 I think she can do what she wants with her own body.

Would suggest she goes to a reputable piercer and asks for clear plastic jewellery to wear to school while she heals - but I think part of the deal to make with her is that if school says she has to take them out, she has to comply with that rule.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/08/2019 22:01

Let her get on with it. They aren't permanent and as long as she looks after them reasonably well (I have quite a few piercings and gave up salining my nose after a few days) she'll be fine. If the school do kick up she can get clear studs to put in to allow the piercing to heal without being seen.

You say you're worried about the pain - but it's not your body. You're worried about infection - but that's relatively easy to avoid. And as for "I don't see why anyone needs more piercings" - give over. She's 16 and if you kick off over this don't be surprised if she comes home tattooed from here to Christmas just to spite you. If you don't get it fine, but you can't really stop her and nor should you.

However, I would insist that it's done at a proper piercing studio and not Claire's. They use piercing guns and the majority of (if not all) piercings should only ever be done with a needle.

StinkyWizleteets · 29/08/2019 22:02

I loved my tragus- sadly closed almost immediately after taking it out for an op. It’s barely visible so I’d say let them do what they want. They’ll only go get it themselves if you say no, at least with your permission they can be directed somewhere professional and clean.

RiskItBiscuit · 30/08/2019 09:29

I've recently had my tragus done (after having 8 other piercings) and it is the most painful one I've had since it's cartilage.

If you say she can do it DO NOT GO TO CLAIRS go into a piercing shop and chat it through with them. Get recommendations!

It was £25 for me so I'd say if she's got the money then yes. But at 16 would she be going into year 11 or sixth form? If it was year 11 I'd say wait until the end of exams then she'd got time to think it through.

I got my nose pierced one side at 14 (my dad came with) and the other side at 16 because you could have it done without a parent then. I still ware them.

I guess it's a waste of her money if she doesn't look after it or takes it out or it gets infected.

Olivebrach · 30/08/2019 09:34

Yabu

smokeytoby · 30/08/2019 10:54

If you don't like tragus piercings...don't get one? I don't understand why that means your daughter can't get one - she is her own person. She can legally get it done without your permission so be grateful she has even consulted you beforehand. Use this opportunity to steer her in the direction of a reputable and professional tattoo and piercing parlour who will use a needle.

Pick your battles. YABU

AlanThePig · 30/08/2019 11:05

I have a scaffold piercing, 2 7mm stretches a nose ring and only took my lip piercing out last year.
I'm 46.

It's a hole. It's not permanent and I hope you've got the message by now , especially the one about guns!

JustDanceAddict · 30/08/2019 11:11

My dd had double helix and has taken both out now due to them not healing. She couldn’t even cope w lobe piercings so no idea how she thought she’d be ok w the helix. They actually looked good on her so from an aesthetic POV I didn’t have an issue.
At 16 she can get piercings without parental permission.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/08/2019 11:14

My 16 yr old daughter has several piercings (ears only) and they look really pretty. She's looked after them post piercing and we've had no infections. I think you're being unreasonable - it could be much much worse. Let her do it or she may rebel!

lau888 · 30/08/2019 11:21

My concerns would be where she gets the piercing done and whether it will prevent her from completing her education at her chosen institution.

I second the general consensus that she should not go to Claire's and that a reputable tattoo artist (who also does piercings) would be much preferable. I also think she needs clear guidance from school as to whether so many earrings would be an expellable breach of the dress code. It is always better to make a fully informed decision - would she be really upset if she got a fixed term exclusion or had to transfer to a different school or college to complete her studies?

HaileySherman · 30/08/2019 11:38

Not that it would matter to you, but I love these trends done right. There are some beautiful earrings out there. I've been considering it myself (a middle age woman, lol). The thing stopping me right now is that the jewelry i want for them is on the expensive side. Have you checked out lastline.com i believe is the website that shows MANY classy in my opinion earring combos.

HaileySherman · 30/08/2019 11:43

Sorry i checked and wanted to correct the website....it's thisisthelast.com. i absolutely LOVE their jewelry, all of it. It is expensive though for small pieces.

Badassmama · 30/08/2019 11:48

@EllC can you show her some YouTube vids of the piercings being properly performed in a studio and then discuss with her again?
It is SO different to having lobe piercings- I don’t actually think the people at Claire’s are licensed for anything other than a standard piercing gun for lobes only.
For what it’s worth I snuck out to get my nose pierced at 13, had my belly done at 15 and got my first tattoo at 16.
None of those were with my parents permission (you used to be able to get away with a lot more in the For what it’s worth I regret none of them- it’s part of who I am even if I’m not into the every day goth look anymore. IMO You’ll be best off getting out in front of this and doing it WITH her. Good luck!

AlanThePig · 30/08/2019 11:49

My dd had double helix and has taken both out now due to them not healing

Too late now, but I firmly recommend the LITHA approach to healing piercings (Leave It The Hell Alone).
Clean it as you would any other part of your body, but don't twist it, pick it, apply cream, salt water etc.

moodyblues · 30/08/2019 12:19

ohbehave1 well, I’m pretty sure dh isn’t evil and he has one. I don’t object to tattoos per se, but I do object to my child inking himself for life when it doesn’t hurt to wait a while.

MamaBee3 · 30/08/2019 12:29

When I was 16 I got my tongue pierced and shortly after my lip as well. My mum never likes them but was happier I had them done then a tattoo, as she always said if I changed my mind then eventually they would close over anyways. I’m in my 30s now still have them and have my nose done as well.

amusedbush · 30/08/2019 12:35

She doesn't need your permission at 16. By that age I had multiple piercings (including facial ones and those GHASTLY stretched ears Wink) - I still wear jewellery in many of them.

HariboLecter · 30/08/2019 12:45

@howdyalikemenow Pretty sure Claire's won't do tragic/helix piercings anyway.

The piercing poster in our local town, shows a tragus piercing Shock
I can't imagine having it done with a gun, but doubt they're trained in using needles to pierce Hmm Quite worrying really, as people will just assume it's safe to have done there, if they've not done their research.

Luxembourgmama · 30/08/2019 12:46

Yabu not to let her get it done but you need to ensure she goes to a proper place to get it done

LuciferTheCat · 30/08/2019 12:46

YABU

JustDanceAddict · 30/08/2019 14:04

AlanthePig unfortunately she did put all sorts of shite on it. It’s a shame as really suited her look - she’s now alternative w no piercings!!

Yeahnahmum · 30/08/2019 14:07

Stretched lobes is next if you don't put your foot down now..

indy315 · 30/08/2019 14:12

The more you try and stop it the more she was want it. Just let her do what she wants and it will all work out

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2019 14:16

Stretched lobes is next if you don't put your foot down now

Yes because "putting your foot down" is a way to stop a teen who can get pierced without their parent's permission anyway!

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