Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has mortgage with ex

95 replies

Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 22:45

NC for this as I don't know if she is on here

DP was in a relationship 3 years ago, and he was buying a house with his ex (it was already her house but she needed to remortgage for some reason and her salary wasn't enough to cover the mortgage so he Co signed for it) when he found out she was having an affair. They were days from completion and she stood to lose a lot of money so he completed the purchase and never moved in. We got together not long after.

They had a fixed term for 5 years and a 25 year mortgage. We now want to buy somewhere together, but can't as he is tied to this mortgage with her. He's contacted her and she says she can't afford to buy him out and so can't do anything. So he's tied to a 25 year mortgage that she can't afford (in the eyes of the bank, although he's never paid a penny towards it, she pays it all herself) with no plan to get out of it.

He'd never owned a house before and stupidly didn't realise that he is now screwed for 25 years, he thought after 5 years he could just get off of it. Idiot.

He didn't realise it was a problem until now. He has also signed a letter to her saying that he has no interest in anything financially for the house. Angry I think, wtf?! What if she stops paying the mortgage? He's screwed and so am I.

She's now playing a sob story, I've told him he needs to seek legal advice, and if she can't afford a mortgage on that house she should bloody well sell it.

Anyone have any idea how we can we resolve this?

Also I'm so pissed off AIBU to insist that he forces her to sell it and buy a smaller place that she can actually afford, which is what I had to do when I split up with my ExDH. Not that he wants a penny of the house, he just wants to be free so we can move forward. For sake of clarity she has no children.

OP posts:
justtryingtogeton · 28/08/2019 23:05

Hi,

From my limited experience, defo get legal advice, he wants/needs to sell and on paper owns part of the property.

In terms of you moving on, speak to a broker, the impact of that mortgage may not stop you buying. Most lenders will only take the mortgage monthly payment as a commitment, if you have decent affordability it may not stop you buying.

You may have to pay a higher stamp duty as he would own 2 properties, but if he's off the deeds of the other house within 3 yrs, I believe the additional stamp duty could be refunded.

19lottie82 · 28/08/2019 23:08

This isn't a good situation and I feel your pain, however forcing a sale can be difficult and usually costs a small fortune in legal fees. If his ex is unable to afford a mortgage alone, she’s unlikely to want to sell the house.

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 23:08

@justtryingtogeton thanks for your reply. Technically we could probably get a mortgage, but then I'd be financially tied to this total bloody stranger. What if she refuses to pay the mortgage and he doesn't know as he's not copied into any bank stuff as it goes to her address? They could come after the house we buy together.

I think we need legal advice too.

OP posts:
Tippexy · 28/08/2019 23:12

I would be concerned that you buy a house and then if the ex defaults/goes bankrupt/bank wants the keys back then would your house be at risk to pay off the original mortgage??

whattodowith · 28/08/2019 23:15

You need to get legal advice pronto.

FMFL · 28/08/2019 23:17

If I were you I’d get legal advice. I believe that forcing a sale through the courts can cost tens of thousands for each party in some cases, although he may be eligible for some of the equity from the house, depending on whether or not the mortgage was taken out as joint tenants. He should definitely be able to contact the mortgage company and arrange for copies of letters to be sent to him.

ballsdeep · 28/08/2019 23:22

I'd get legal advice straight away. I wouldn't be happy in this situation being the partner.

Lotts123 · 28/08/2019 23:25

I previously owned a property with an ex, I had paid a lump sum off the property at purchase and we had a shared mortgage for the rest. When we split house prices had dropped and as he stood to gain nothing financially from the property he didn’t contribute anything towards the mortgage for the 2 years it then took to sell the house (he hadn’t contributed whilst we had lived together, but that’s not really relevant here).

Whilst I was struggling to sell the house I had him removed from the mortgage by providing the mortgage company with proof that he had not contributed to the mortgage for 6 months. Maybe your partner could advise the mortgage company he has not contributed and ask to be removed?

Additionally even though the mortgage term is over 25 years if it was only fixed for 5 years then after 5 years she is free to look for an alternative lender and change the length of the mortgage or any details on it (dependent on what she is approved for). It may be an idea for them to both meet with a mortgage advisor and see what the options are for her to take out a new mortgage without your partner listed on it.

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 23:29

@Lotts123 thank you that's helpful to know. I will speak to him about seeing if she can prove she's been paying it on her own, although I have a sneaky suspicion that she's probably claiming some benefits, too.

He has free legal cover through his union at work, so maybe that would be an option. I don't know how that works.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 23:31

Those who are voting that I Abu, can you explain why? I honestly don't understand. If you can't afford something then you don't get to keep it surely?

OP posts:
Tippexy · 28/08/2019 23:35

Whilst I was struggling to sell the house I had him removed from the mortgage by providing the mortgage company with proof that he had not contributed to the mortgage for 6 months.

Surely it was more about you being deemed able to afford the outstanding mortgage by yourself rather than the fact the other party hadn’t contributed for six months? Did you have to remortgage as part of this?

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2019 23:36

YANBU at. He’s been stupid and she’s being understanding selfish. He needs to get advice and you need this resolved before you make any further commitment to him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2019 23:37

What happened with the guy she cheated with? I take it he didn’t move in with her?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/08/2019 23:40

I would be very, very careful about making any sort of financial or legal commitment to this guy.

Not only because I don’t believe this for a second

when he found out she was having an affair. They were days from completion and she stood to lose a lot of money so he completed the purchase and never moved in.

But it would appear he is either incredibly dim (in which case what else has he done or might do?) or just never bothered to sort this out in the three years he has been separated from her. Which just isn’t the sort of financially responsibility you want in someone you’re sharing a mortgage with.

I wouldn’t buy with him.

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 23:42

@AnneLovesGilbert neither of us know. He's literally only spoken to her in the past few weeks to try to resolve this.

I get why she is being selfish, I understand it, it's horrible to face losing your homeand I know that she will have to come to terms with not being able to afford the house, but people do that everyday. She has equity. She can buy a flat somewhere

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 23:44

@JoxerGoesToStuttgard he's never really thought about it, as he hasn't ever had a deposit to buy his own place so it didn't impact him. He's definitely guilty of burying his head in the sand.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/08/2019 23:45

How recently did he tell you all this?

TamarindCove · 28/08/2019 23:46

He could always tell her he's moving in!

Agree with the other posters, he needs proper legal advice.

Lotts123 · 28/08/2019 23:49

@Tippexy Surely it was more about you being deemed able to afford the outstanding mortgage by yourself rather than the fact the other party hadn’t contributed for six months? Did you have to remortgage as part of this?

No, I actually changed to an interest only mortgage until I sold the house because I could not afford to pay the mortgage and manage all the living costs by myself. The mortgage company were not concerned because I was paying the mortgage, the only requirement was that I had not defaulted on any mortgage payments over a certain period of time (I never had).

caringcarer · 28/08/2019 23:53

If you can't afford legal advice try CAB. They have some legal experts who may be able to help you. Do not commit to buying with him untill this is resolved.

ElizaPancakes · 28/08/2019 23:54

How long ago was this @Lotts123? Because removing someone from a mortgage requires a transfer of equity which not only has to go through the lender but also solicitors, I’m really confused as to what you mean.

Dippypippy1980 · 28/08/2019 23:59

This all sounds very odd. Why would she lose a lot of money of he didn’t complete the mortgage?

Did she take extra borrowing out - why did she do this if she couldn’t afford it?

Why did he do song a mortgage after he found. Out she was cheating?

Why did he not understand the basics of a mortgage?

Either he is lying, or he is really really dim. Either way, think very carefully before getting financially involved.

Lotts123 · 29/08/2019 00:00

@ElizaPancakes

How long ago was this @Lotts123? Because removing someone from a mortgage requires a transfer of equity which not only has to go through the lender but also solicitors, I’m really confused as to what you mean

  1. It did go through solicitors, he didn’t contest it, because as per previous post the property price had dropped and he effectively owned half of a debt and nothing more.

In the OPs case if her partner is the one who wants out of the mortgage and can prove he has not been contributing I see no reason why the mortgage company would wish to have him remain on the mortgage.

HennyPennyHorror · 29/08/2019 00:04

You say she pays it all herself and then you say she's crying she can't afford it.

I don't understand that part.

Why hasn't your partner been to see a legal expert?

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 29/08/2019 00:08

@Dippypippy1980 I agree it all sounds a bit odd, but it was days before the mortgage completed and I think he felt backed into a corner.

@TamarindCove I'm sure she'd love that!!

@JoxerGoesToStuttgard I've known about it for a while and told him to sort it out, but she gave a sob story then and he didn't want her to lose her house. I think he now agrees with me that it's not his bloody problem, but she refuses to engage in a conversation about it.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread