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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has mortgage with ex

95 replies

Mortgageproblems101 · 28/08/2019 22:45

NC for this as I don't know if she is on here

DP was in a relationship 3 years ago, and he was buying a house with his ex (it was already her house but she needed to remortgage for some reason and her salary wasn't enough to cover the mortgage so he Co signed for it) when he found out she was having an affair. They were days from completion and she stood to lose a lot of money so he completed the purchase and never moved in. We got together not long after.

They had a fixed term for 5 years and a 25 year mortgage. We now want to buy somewhere together, but can't as he is tied to this mortgage with her. He's contacted her and she says she can't afford to buy him out and so can't do anything. So he's tied to a 25 year mortgage that she can't afford (in the eyes of the bank, although he's never paid a penny towards it, she pays it all herself) with no plan to get out of it.

He'd never owned a house before and stupidly didn't realise that he is now screwed for 25 years, he thought after 5 years he could just get off of it. Idiot.

He didn't realise it was a problem until now. He has also signed a letter to her saying that he has no interest in anything financially for the house. Angry I think, wtf?! What if she stops paying the mortgage? He's screwed and so am I.

She's now playing a sob story, I've told him he needs to seek legal advice, and if she can't afford a mortgage on that house she should bloody well sell it.

Anyone have any idea how we can we resolve this?

Also I'm so pissed off AIBU to insist that he forces her to sell it and buy a smaller place that she can actually afford, which is what I had to do when I split up with my ExDH. Not that he wants a penny of the house, he just wants to be free so we can move forward. For sake of clarity she has no children.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2019 03:52

In 2 years time, when his ex can no longer afford the mortgage, your partner is 100% on the hook for this. I think you need to take the blinders off and accept that he has not been honest with you and he IS a complete idiot. Don't even think of marrying him or buying property with him. Not that he could get another mortgage, btw.

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 29/08/2019 06:53

@Japanesejazz it's with one of the big lenders, I can't remember it's either Virgin or Santander

OP posts:
swingofthings · 29/08/2019 07:14

He needs to speak with the lenders ASAP. He is not trying thst hard if he hasn't even contacted them to request access to the account. That's the least he can do. He can then talk about what he can do at the end of the fix. Surely, if he doesn't agree to a new mortgage, this one will just continue and a much higher rate than remortgaging, so it's not to her advantage.

He needs to stsrt threatening her with going to courts at the end of this mortgage deal. With no children, and enough to buy another smaller place, she'd have no chance anyway and not much défense. If she really believes he is prepared to take her to court, she might be a bit more active looking at other options or indeed agreeing to sell.

I can understand that he was stupid then, it happens, it's hard to think of the consequences ahead with your dealing with emotional chaos, I'd be more annoyed with his lack of assertiveness now.

Di11y · 29/08/2019 07:18

can people still get interest only mortgages with no vehicle to repay? might need lower affordability.

Ponoka7 · 29/08/2019 07:27

" I will speak to him about seeing if she can prove she's been paying it on her own, although I have a sneaky suspicion that she's probably claiming some benefits, too."

If she's on benefits, it cuts down her options. She may not be able to get another mortgage.

I know divorced Women who've given up trying to take their exs off the mortgage (so they could sell) because it was too costly and too much trouble.

As said, you both need legal advice asap.

Winterlife · 29/08/2019 07:48

I don’t think he’s necessarily stupid or lying. People do this sort of thing all the time, as any lawyer who has practiced for any length of time will tell you.

OP, you have a good example of a letter to send to the ex. The bank may not be willing to remove him from the mortgage - why would they? As another poster pointed out, the mortgage is five years. It will be renewed in two years and at that time, the bank will want him to sign documents. So it will come to a head one way or another in two years, unless she forges his signature (don’t assume it’s out of the question-that occurs quite often).

I think you need to seek legal advice to have him removed from the mortgage. Again, this is potentially prejudicial to the mortgage holder (mortgagee), so it’s not as straightforward as you believe.

Seemstress · 29/08/2019 07:55

@Lakielady yes her DH is entitled to half of her half of the equity if that makes sense. In her head she thinks all the equity is here but it isn't which is why she got married without doing anything this mess. Total bloody arrogance but my DP is no better. It will only get sorted when something happens such as a death. She cannot even remortgage without my DP's agreement, obviously he isn't signing anything so she has been stuck on a variable rate for years paying way more than she should. OP your DP will almost certainly have to force a sale in court, if she defaults then he is liable and he will not get another mortgage whilst he is party to this one.

Untamedtoad · 29/08/2019 07:55

This happened to a couple I know, he helped her on the property ladder as she was renting with her two small children. He signed to go on the mortgage so she could get approval to buy a house, but he didn't move in as he had his own house and his 2 kids living at home, he did it purely to help her. She had an affair, and moved the other bloke into the house, stopped paying the mortgage payments, and guess who was liable?! He ended up having to sell his house as the mortgage company used his assets to recoup the money she hadn't paid, and he ended up living in a tiny rented flat with his two children, while she got to keep her house, and he had to contribute towards the mortgage to ensure she kept paying it. It was awful, and after a long battle he finally managed to get himself removed from the mortgage. During it all, she was seen driving round in a brand new sports car with her toyboy, while he was selling everything he owned to try and prevent his house being taken, which it did anyway. Your partner needs to get off this mortgage asap. Get legal advice now. He's made himself liable for her mortgage payments, and that's not a good situation to be in

GammaStingRay · 29/08/2019 07:58

It’s an incredibly involved process to secure a mortgage. It took us weeks and weeks of paperwork, proof of earnings, payslips etc. he’s spinning you a tall tale with the ‘I just didn’t understand/think it was a big deal’. He’d have had to sign contracts. Allegedly after just finding out he’d been cheated on?

There’s more to this than he’s letting on. Seek legal advice, but be cautious. Currently he has such a significant financial commitment with his ex to the house (whoever is paying the mortgage), he’s not going to be in any position to take on another mortgage with you any time soon. And frankly given he’s either almost unbelievably dim or being a bit economical with the truth I’d be wary in your shoes.

GreenTulips · 29/08/2019 08:06

Well he can’t do anything without real facts

He needs to contact the lender and tell them the truth
Then he needs a valuation
Then he can work out her equity v mortgage.

He can force a sale, but he needs to show her he’s serious.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 29/08/2019 08:13

So to summarise - you DP stupidly signed a legal document for presumably hundreds of thousands of pounds, despite having already split up with his Ex ?

He isn't very bright is he?

But he can force a sale. Is he on the house deeds? If so he can force a sale. TBH I'd find it unusual if he were on the mortgage but not on the deeds unless, with him being a bit dim, he is just the guarantor if she defaults.

As time goes along, her salary will increase, the equity in the house will increase, she will be able to remortgage again in her sole name - you could wait for this.

I'd also point out, if he is on the deeds, then he co-owns the house - that would make it very difficult to get housing benefit at any point . But of course he also owns half of the equity in the house - be that positive or negative - so if there is a market slump and she gets made redundant etc, he is liable for any losses too.

Legal advice, get him off the mortgage, pronto.

Everytimeref · 29/08/2019 08:15

My friend was on the opposite side to this situation. She remortgaged her property with her ex partner just before finding out he was cheating. It had a large amount of equity and he is entitled to half despite never paying for the mortgage.

Solihooley · 29/08/2019 08:15

He’s a complete twit. She obviously can afford the mortgage though as she’s been paying, even if not on paper, so I think your assertion of ‘you can’t have what you can’t afford’ is a little unfair. I would just get your own mortgage. Presuming you can afford it of course? This happened to a friend of mine too, she had a child with the man and they ended up losing a lot of money to the ex wife.

DoomsdayCult · 29/08/2019 08:18

OP- you and the ex both want a home. You say that you and DH CAN get a mortgages even with him on the old mortgage. So you can get a smaller home. You are not at risk of losing your current home. Similarly, the Ex can get a mortgage for a smaller home too, but she would lose the home she has. Either both of you are selfish or neither.
If your DH and his Ex have children in that home, I’d say you are being unreasonable because it is much harder to move children who lose friends, school, familiarity etc.

That said, yes get legal advice

One possibility is for DH to offer to pay refinance costs and have the EX refinance with a new co-signer (parent, sibling) if needed.

NotSoHotBot · 29/08/2019 08:32

Yes I agree with @Winterlife . Ignoring the emotional issues behind this all, it's extraordinarily common to be in this situation. In fact my exh was lucky I could afford to buy him out of the mortgage when we got divorced but my dp is still on the mortgage for the house from his first marriage from 20 years ago.

Forcing a sale is not simple. You will need to go to a lawyer and find out what your options are. We are waiting for dp's first wife to sell the house which she is meant to do at a point in time that was legally agreed but it is v tricky if you can't get one party to come to the table so to speak!

Derbee · 29/08/2019 08:34

You need immediate legal advice. I agree with PPs that your DP is either very very dim, or not being honest with you about the arrangements. If he’s just dim, I guess it explains why he would be wanting to buy ANOTHER property and get ANOTHER mortgage with ANOTHER unmarried partner.

I think you would be mad to enter a 25 year financial commitment with someone who has shown his level of judgment. I’d be careful if I were you. And get legal advice ASAP.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 29/08/2019 08:36

He has also signed a letter to her saying that he has no interest in anything financially for the house.

This (along with the part about him signing for the mortgage) sounds like something a person who cheated would do out of guilt or in an attempt to keep their partner. Are you sure she was the one who cheated?

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 29/08/2019 08:37

We can get a mortgage on a house that we want @DoomsdayCult, however I'm not stupid enough to get tied to him financially when she could default at any time. I said in my original post that there are no children involved in any way. So no, I'm not being selfish. I don't see why I should pay for her to have a house (if she defaults) that she, by the banks reckoning, she can't afford.

She's self employed too which complicates things as the sob story she gave involved her health.

@GammaStingRay she did everything, he just handed over wage slips etc when asked and signed the paperwork.

@Winterlife thank you. He's not stupid, he was trying to help her out when they were together and when they split up his head was a mess and he didn't know what to do. His fault is being a nice guy.

OP posts:
Derbee · 29/08/2019 08:38

Agree that people can be tied into mortgages with ex partners, as life happens. But that’s why you usually need to sell a property if you can’t afford to buy the partner out. I think the problems with your DP are signing a joint. Let gage with someone that he was ending a relationship with at the time, and writing a letter stating that he has no financial interests in the property etc.

Derbee · 29/08/2019 08:39

*joint mortgage

benjiman6 · 29/08/2019 08:50

My son was in this situation
Not as easy as it sounds
Was told that as she couldn’t afford the mortgage on her own the only thing was for them to sell
Apparently when you try to get two mortgages it’s not just the fact she may defsualt and they come after you for mortgage payments but you are also jointly liable for council tax and gas and electric bills so your affordability goes down and it’s nearly impossible to get another mortgage.
My son only got out off it when she met someone else and eventually they bought the house between them releasing my son but it took five years sorry
As someone said you need to be legally taken off a dvd solicitors need to be involved

Bunglefromrainbow · 29/08/2019 09:00

We can get a mortgage on a house that we want

Wile this may be so OP, even if you changed your mind and decided to go for this mortgage while he still has his interest in the other property, you would have an additional 3% stamp duty to pay as he owns another home. So on an average £250k home you'd be paying an extra £7,500 in Tax.

There may already be financial implications such as loss of 1st time buyer status that will end up costing you thousands of pounds. I know that you say that DH isn't stupid but at the very best he's too kind and incredibly naïve. You guys need legal advice and you need it yesterday. There is zero reason to wait until the end of the 5 year fixed period, that won't help anyone apart from his Ex.

Original poster
Mortgageproblems101 · 29/08/2019 10:10

@Bunglefromrainbow I'm not worried about that. I already own two other properties so we already pay more stamp duty etc.

@benjiman6 I think that we are going to be stuck too. He's seeking legal advice and contacting the lenders today.

OP posts:
MerryChristmasHarry · 29/08/2019 10:29

I wouldn't make a joint purchase with him at this point. You can nice guy it all you want, but if the account he gave you is true, he's done not one but two absolutely ridiculous things in the pretty recent past. There was a reason for this. Nothing you've said suggests you can be sure that reason no longer exists.

WhosH00Wh0 · 29/08/2019 13:03

He can't just write a letter saying that he wants nothing to do with the house !

Going forward everything should be done legally with the bank & solicitors with all parties having copies of all the paperwork
He needs legal advice

Do NOT buy a property with him, until all the above has been sorted properly