Should ex contribute to school uniform?

[ritaBx]

Firstly I'm not going to say how much he pays in maintenance. It won't be a lot to some but to others it will be and I'm not getting into that debate.

Secondly, I don't know how much he earns, he's self employed.

At around Xmas I was struggling for money and asked my ex if he could help me out. He did, he gave me £400 and stopped my maintenance until that was repayed which I agreed too. He also agreed to giving me more maintenance each week but he did say he wouldn't contribute to anymore school uniform or things that dd may need while she's with me.

I've asked him for £50 for school uniform and he's refused to pay it. I know I agreed to him not giving me anymore but it's bloody expensive and I can't manage to pay it all!

Aibu to think he should pay? Does your ex contribute on top of maintenance?

No, husbands ex pays the £16 a week and that’s it. It’s not even worth giving her the satisfaction of saying no.

If it’s any consolation, the Mother in my situation won’t be contributing to uniform despite receiving half of the child benefit and tax credits! Must be nice to be so blasé!

My ex doesn’t give any extra than the maintenance, even if the kids ask for things when they are at his house he says I give mum money for that... I get £150 a month for two a 13 & a 9 year olds. So it depends how much he does give you. He says he can’t afford any more but I know he earns more than he lets on as I threatened Child support a while ago and I got money shoved through the letter box with a stern note not to contact them!

No you cut your cloth accordingly you had plenty of notice you should have saved the extra he gave you

My ex doesn’t pay any maintenance at all for our four children. So no he doesn’t contribute to school uniform.

And how can you not manage it’s been 6 weeks to save, I don’t get a penny yet still have to buy for 3 kids uniform (youngest isn’t at school yet)

My dc have been nc with ex for 3 years. We haven't had a penny.
Yabu to expect him to make your life easier ime....
Presumably he isn't great thus an ex.....

If you made an agreement then no, is there a school uniform benefit in your area? See if you’re entitled to help. I earn just too much so don’t get it. Fair enough but my ex pays feck all and didn’t bother making sure our son had a blazer for going back to high school ( I paid £70 on everything else) he hasn’t contributed at all. I have 2 other children going to school too. I just had to buy my son a blazer myself as he was getting into trouble. Why some parents can punish their kids because of the other parent is beyond me

No, you agreed his child support covered everything. It’s not his fault you haven’t budgeted for this known expense.

Unless private school surely his contribution this month, matched by you plus child benefit easily covered uniform.

There was a huge thread about this a few weeks ago. Consensus was split but most said it depends on how much they pay you. If you get a minimal amount then yes, I think they should pay extra towards big costs such as uniform and school trips. If you already receive a fair amount though then no, maintenance should cover it.

I get £200 pcm for three children, it doesn’t go far at all. I asked ex for extra towards uniform once and he declined, told me I should buy cheaper uniform .

If - and I know you haven't - went through the CSA (Or whatever its called this week) and they said he had to pay £X which is X% of his income, then there would be no obligation for him to contribute to extras. Of course it would be nice if he did, but …

So, if you are getting a set regular amount, then his obligation is met. As shit as that is.

It would be kind if your ex voluntarily chose to contribute to one-off expenses. However, he doesn't need to give you anything other than child maintenance. My ex doesn't give the correct CMS amount and definitely doesn't give anything extra.

(At the moment) the NRP isn't legally obliged to pay any more than the amount CMS set... thats just the stone cold facts, true for anyone who starts these debates/ threads . A million MNs could say yes the NRP should contribute more but this isn't going to matter in your individual case if the NRP doesn't want to pay more.

Also, I think you lose a bit of ground where you say you agreed to a higher weekly amount but the NRP would stop paying the "additional" costs. I dont mean it cruelly but you can't have the penny and the bun.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

surely his contribution this month, matched by you plus child benefit easily covered uniform.

And what is the child supposed to be living on? fresh air and good will?

That is what the maintenance is for, large ££££ school trips later on in secondary school is a different matter IMO but the usual school uniform if you have DC most of the time is normal costs really and should be budgeted for. It is cheap enough in supermarkets. If you have 50/50 custody it might be different but I am guessing that isn't the case.

I don’t get maintenance from ex but I get half of all uniform cost and he has them at his every other weekend. He actually gave me a bit extra this year on top which I didn’t ask for. I’m happy with this arrangement and so is he which I think is key. Unless you can amicably arrange things between yourselves and both agree to it and stick with it then it’s a pain. Uniform is always expensive so I make sure I buy it in instalments. Makes it easier.

Just like saving for Christmas, you know your DC will need new uniform at least once a year. YABU for not budgeting.

Ok. I thought more would be on my side to be honest but that's fine. I just get frustrated as he has an older ds and he gets on with his mum really well so I know he will if contributed to that uniform. If not paid for it. But because we don't get on so well he won't pay for our dd.

But you haven’t bought the uniform yet complaining he won’t buy it??

But he has paid for his DD, he’s paying what you agreed as child support and that it would cover everything. You can’t then moan and want to change the rules as you haven’t budgeted properly.

Christmas, school terms etc are the same months every year. They are not surprise unknown costs.

I've bought most of it. Just asked for £50 as that's about half the cost of what dd needs.

I could have posted this myself. My ex is earning considerably more than he used to yet doesn’t give my son any extra money.

A few years ago before he was with his girlfriend he would give me a bit extra for school uniform every year, now it has stopped because she doesn’t allow it.

If you were still with him he’d have to spend it on a lot more wouldn’t he? Putting a roof over his head, feeding him, clothing him. Dads have it easy.

I’m not much help. Uniform is so expensive. I tend to start early (May, June time). M&S usually have 25 percent off clothing at one point. I only buy trousers from M&S. the rest I buy from Sainsburys when they have 25 percent off clothing or Asda. The shoes are the most expensive. My youngest is starting school soon and 2 pairs of shoes have cost me £100 🙈😴

Didn’t mean to send the 😴 face

Just get the CMS maintenance and save up what I think I will need (or use club card vouchers). My mum has kindly bought the new shoes which hopefully will last to Christmas. DS was squeezing into shorts he’s had for two years now by the end of term as I just did not have the £ to buy new then.

My ex pays £500pm maintenance to me for one child (proportion to his income). He still gave me an extra £50 this month for uniform costs.

What is his financial situation like? My ex is happy to give me extra (I only ever ask for it when it's uniform time, Christmas time or DS's birthday) but he earns well and so does his partner so it doesn't leave them short (they've had 4 foreign holidays this year already and ex has just bought a new car). I probably wouldn't ask if he was on a lower wage.

I think a lot of these threads descend into "you should be grateful because I don't receive any maintenance at all" and that's irritating. I realise that I am in a good situation personally but I'm not going to be slavishly grateful that my ex does what any parent should do and contributes financially to his child's upbringing. It should be the norm.