Should ex contribute to school uniform?

[ritaBx]

Firstly I'm not going to say how much he pays in maintenance. It won't be a lot to some but to others it will be and I'm not getting into that debate.

Secondly, I don't know how much he earns, he's self employed.

At around Xmas I was struggling for money and asked my ex if he could help me out. He did, he gave me £400 and stopped my maintenance until that was repayed which I agreed too. He also agreed to giving me more maintenance each week but he did say he wouldn't contribute to anymore school uniform or things that dd may need while she's with me.

I've asked him for £50 for school uniform and he's refused to pay it. I know I agreed to him not giving me anymore but it's bloody expensive and I can't manage to pay it all!

Aibu to think he should pay? Does your ex contribute on top of maintenance?

Yes of course. Any decent parent would. Lucky for me our judge agreed and my ex has to pay half of bigger extra expenses on top of CSA as part of my
settlement.

@raspberryk Basics is food. Shelter. Minimal clothing/neccesities?? Why would you never dream of asking your ex for anything more than what CMS dictates?? You know that is THE BARE LEGAL MINIMUM??? Fuck me.

Between maintenance and child benefit there is no reason for some one to be unable to afford school uniform

Sure . Op asked for £50. Sure we are talking shit maintenence amounts here. Prob not half of her kids rent/electricity/food/essentials/club amounts over what she would pay as a single person! But hey, its ok. The dad pays CMS, mum needs to bare the rest. Cause you know, shes so lucky to get anything!

@raspberryk the correct amount of maintenance PLS do share your spreadsheet tips of how this was solved raspberry!

I have 4 children all at school. Ex husband pays £100 per week for the four of them. No extras for trips uniform etc. When asked a couple of months ago if he would go HALVES with me for school trips which I had already paid out for he refused as he had a £4K holiday to pay for

@raspberryk single mother student grants. Not a worry eh!

My Dts started school this year and my ex paid half towards uniforms and school costs. Child support wouldn’t cover half the costs! I really hate how child support is set up. The resident parent usually pays way more than half the cost of raising children and it’s an unfair system that one parent can just opt out of not paying extra costs or that they can choose to by the good of their heart. The resident parent doesn’t get to just not pay. And I don’t think my ex is being an amazing person just because he covers half the additional costs associated with our children. It’s how it should be.

And on the topic of uniforms, I find as a single parent they are a huge extra expense! My children go to their local school which unfortunately has a specific uniform that can only be bought at the uniform shop (at ridiculous prices) and having 2 children starting school at the same time means twice the cost. This in no way levels out the playing field, it puts us at more of a disadvantage.

The correct amount is the child maintenance service calculation, which is proportional to pay and it's a sizeable bill each month.
No actually handmaiden no grants besides some of my childcare as I have a live in partner, although I am judged financially on his wages we have seperate finances. Which is irrelevant to this thread, I've been a single parent for 4 years sometimes with, sometimes without maintenance, left paying a mortgage on unpaid maternity leave, and yet I have always managed uniform.

I dont get why people are saying their exs or do not pay extra for uniform.

It doesnt matter. Because the nrp in this situation is paying. As per their agreement he pays more each month on lieu of chunk at uniform time. He has paid it in advance.

You might be able to manage with cheap supermarket uniform at primary age but not secondary. More and more schools now insist on their own embroidered/branded uniform and it’s not cheap! Yes, there is the CMS money and then there is the real cost of living. I can afford to support my child but shouldn’t her father pay half the true cost? As someone said, dads get off easy.

Uniform is not the basics if it is shared between households, same if a winter coat or boots are shared then the cost should be shared. Child support is reduced if care is shared because some of the costs of the child are met directly by the paying parent, such as food, clothing and a share of uniform and other bigger expenses.

I’m fortunate that my DDs dad is decent, never misses maintenance and we split uniform, birthday, Xmas costs. Sadly some men are resentful of any extra ££ and seem to think it’s you who is spending it, never understand grudging your child anything.

For the nasty comments of save etc, you do know CMS calculate at 16% of his income? Does your child only cost you 16% of your income? Absolutely not!
If he’s self employed it’s virtually impossible to get a payment out of them.
What a lot of nasty harpies on here.

she knows what his is like that he is as reliable a crutch as cheese so WHY IS SHE COUNTING ON HIM FOR HELP especially as he has already told her no MONTHS AGO

I'm no harpy I'm a fucking realist

SleeperSloth maybe you're fortunate enough that your own income means you aren't in desperate need for a decent amount of maintenance. But even if that's the case that doesn't make your ex not paying 50% of the costs of raising your child/ren acceptable. And given the level of income of the nrp at which cms and not a court is able to "assess" cms I don't believe it's ever equivalent to 50% of costs.

The vast majority of single parents aren't in that position (of having a high income themselves) and the woefully inadequate cms calculation leaves many in hardship.

I like handmaiden am shocked at the appalling attitude from supposedly other single parents on this thread!

That they think it at all acceptable that nrps continue to get away with paying a pittance in cs and that they and others in their position have to struggle and tightly budget to cover the costs of their children's needs.

I've been a single parent 16 years, I've seen many changes in that time and my ex never paid even the minimum legal requirement regularly, in full or consistently. The agencies supposed to enforce this were Fucking useless! The incompetence beyond comprehension and I didn't even have a self employed ex who could easily fudge figures, he was army and now works for a large well known high street company so easier than most to access not only what he was earning but where he was! Csa/cms still were Fucking useless!

Instead of telling each other "you should be grateful you're getting anything" we should be supporting each other in fighting for better, fairer more realistic payments from nrps and for the agencies that are supposed to enforce the law on this to DO THEIR JOB!

It's frankly embarrassing that so many are so willing to bow and scrape to ex's because they don't apparently think they and MORE IMPORTANTLY their kids deserve better!

@Graphista well said.