Should ex contribute to school uniform?

[ritaBx]

Firstly I'm not going to say how much he pays in maintenance. It won't be a lot to some but to others it will be and I'm not getting into that debate.

Secondly, I don't know how much he earns, he's self employed.

At around Xmas I was struggling for money and asked my ex if he could help me out. He did, he gave me £400 and stopped my maintenance until that was repayed which I agreed too. He also agreed to giving me more maintenance each week but he did say he wouldn't contribute to anymore school uniform or things that dd may need while she's with me.

I've asked him for £50 for school uniform and he's refused to pay it. I know I agreed to him not giving me anymore but it's bloody expensive and I can't manage to pay it all!

Aibu to think he should pay? Does your ex contribute on top of maintenance?

So he's already giving you an extra £520 a year specifically so he doesn't pay for uniforms and you're moaning? You are also talking about what he pays out for another child but you don't know that he pays more, just guessing because they get on. Do you not realise how ridiculous this sounds?

Wow some nasty responses. Op should have saved ?? I presume he is contributing far less than the actual cost if raising a child day to day. And generally parents who are together accept the ongoing costs of kids lives change and go up all the time and they will have to stick their hand in their pocket.

Wow! So many respondents with such low standards not just for themselves but for their children and the op! Wtf!

What he earns and how much cm he pays is absolutely relevant.

Cms minimum is woefully inadequate in most cases not coming close to 50% of the costs of raising a child, even if only covering essentials (which contrary to what many nrps think is NOT just the cost of things directly bought for the child like clothes, shoes, books, furniture & furnishings - which cms usually doesn't even cover half of that! But also the extra rent/mortgage because you need w bigger home, extra utilities, higher council tax etc).

But we cannot know without that information if your ex is generous or stingy, you don't even mention if it equates to cms calculation.

I would say that it's reasonable to expect maintenance to cover uniform IF the maintenance is of a reasonable amount that covers half the child's costs.

"So you have it better than others do" a poor attitude and actually irrelevant. Just cos your ex is a shit dad who doesn't care about his kid/s (and I speak as someone with an even shittier ex) doesn't mean op's kid should be worse off.

We should be demanding that nrps pay more realistic amounts of maintenance. It's pathetic how little some get away with even when the authorities are doing their job in enforcing (which doesn't happen nearly often enough!!)

"My ex pays me less than CMS suggests but enough." I really struggle to believe it can possibly be "enough" if it doesn't even meet the pathetic legal min standard. How much does your child cost each month? - everything from how much extra rent/mortgage & council tax you have to pay to have additonal bedroom/s to how much extra utilities you need to food, clothes, transport... I highly doubt he's paying even close to half those costs as he should be.

And all those saying "you should have budgeted" we don't know op's circumstances either. There are many families really struggling in the current climate. Budgeting only helps so far! Add to that the nonsense of many schools now insisting on uniform coming from a sole supplier at inflated prices and it could be understandably very difficult for op.

I have a feeling judging by the ‘I won’t tell you how much I get’ that it’s a fair amount she’s getting!

But some of us don’t get any maintenance and still have to find a way for our children to get school uniform. Yet op does get maintenance and can’t manage that? Maintenance isn’t meant to be relied on is what I was told.

No if he's paying maintenance that's the stuff it's for

I have a feeling judging by the ‘I won’t tell you how much I get’ that it’s a fair amount she’s getting!

I agree.

Mine doesn't. He lives in a £400 a week house, and I get £150 a month maintenance. He pays LITERALLY nothing else. I paid 3 years of school fees (with private school uniform and 3 pairs of shoes needed each term) all on my own. I put him through all 17 chapters of Water Babies on my own, and paid for all of his swimming lessons since then. He's only 5.

I know my ex would have never given me money for school uniform!! But he was quite happy to take the boys out himself and buy the uniform, school shoes, sports trainers, winter coat and anything else they needed!! So when he pick them up or I dropped them off I would just say in front of them the boys need whatever it was that was needed. If they ever asked me that wanted something I could not really afford I would just say ask your father!! He just hated giving my money just in case I spent it on myself!!

I can’t rely on my ex he’s ordered to pay £6 per week cause he works for himself and falsifies his wages 🙄 so I put £20 a month away from September to August which leaves me with £220 which is more than enough to cover all new uniform, p.e kit, bookbag, x2 new school shoes, winter coat, hat gloves and scarf set, summer hat, summer jacket and umbrella/sun cream etc. Absolutely everything he may need for the year and I get it in one fell swoop in August and usually size up a little so it lasts.

Sounds like he wont contribute so maybe this could be an option for this September

He would also happily pay for any sports classes or school trips!! Just wanted to pay for them directly. Just hated handing me cash.

I think it depends on the situation, my ex pays me £1000 a month but that’s for 5 kids so not as much as it sounds, the only reason I don’t ask for more is because he has them half the time so legally doesn’t have to pay any maintenance but does because he wants to.

I dont think it’s unreasonable to ask for extra towards uniforms if you don’t get a large amount and you are the main caterer.

Sorry that should say the only reason I dont ask for more towards uniforms!

@Graphista I'm not sure how you think you know what in my life is enough or not enough.
I can assure you that the money he provides is 'enough'.
Partly that is because I choose to live within my means and I am good at budgeting.
I'd much rather have an good relationship with my ex, co parent the best i possibly can, and know that his mental health is not affected by me trying to pressure him for money that we don't need.

@ritaBx you say "She has to go to school, she has to wear a uniform and I seem to have to pay for it all". You aren't paying it all though, he pays you every month an agreed amount.
He is contributing to uniform through that maintenance payment so it's unfair of you to say he hasn't contributed.

But I needed the extra from him! It was the only was I could get it. Him paying extra but also means he will no longer contribute means I can't win!

You get extra. Every week. In exchange him not paying for extras. What you mean is you want the extra weekly kiney, but not keep to your side of deal and want money for uniforms too.

Not sure if you are just being goady or pretending to be a bit dim.

I think goady with an extra £520 a year you can easily afford school uniform

1. If she actually needs it because she’s grown or it has worn out, rather than you just buying new for the new school year regardless, yes he morally should contribute.

1. You unfortunately can’t make him. Legally, he doesn’t have to.

Our school do a second hand uniform sale just before the holidays which is wonderful. And I’ve checked the Facebook second hand sites daily.

Yes!!!!! 100%! Cannot believe the utter bollocks of other OPs such as 'he has paid you maintenence. Save!'...'its your responsibility'...'Youve had a year to get organised!'...OMG! And FUCK ME. So much for the sisterhood. You both had kids. You are both responsible. You have asked for FIFTY QUID!!!! 50 fukin quid!!!!!! A piss in the park paltry amount!!!! So by MN standards, single mums should pay rent, bills, food, clothes, extras....alone. But thats ok! You get maintenance. Be grateful for that crappy amount of CMS despite all the work that actually entails. Be grateful you get a penny cause 'the minimum covers it all!' Wow. Save it for the kids they say. You pay everything else! Dad only sees them twice a month but he pays maintenance remember! That covers everything. NOT! Op, you are totally right. Any decent father would go over and above and pay half of ALL extras. Not just LIVING costs. Pile of vipers on this thread.

#slipperywhenspartacus Your talking shite

@raspberryk BS. Maintenence covers the basics. Everything over and above (big spends like ya know, uniform???) Halves.

@icecreamandcandyfloss Guessing thats what your head is filled with considering this abysmally clueless response.

@panamapattie Such drivel. Such ignorance.

@flude Sure he has. Sure hes paid more. Not.

Uniform is "the basics", it's not an extra or luxury item, I would never dream of asking my ex for extra money after he's already paid the correct amount of maintenance to pay for the children's food, shelter and clothing.
Between maintenance and child benefit there is no reason for some one to be unable to afford school uniform.
Btw I'm currently an unemployed student parent buying 2 sets of u uniform and shoes currently for context.

@ritabx You are right. And were right to ask. Sorry you have such a crap ex though. Mine gives me half of any extras. Mattresses, furniture, bikes, school trips, uniforms...cause guess what, any decent parent WILL do that (its for the kids). CMS is all the daily expenses. Living expenses. Basics. Not the big bulky things...in the real adult world.