Should ex contribute to school uniform?

[ritaBx]

Firstly I'm not going to say how much he pays in maintenance. It won't be a lot to some but to others it will be and I'm not getting into that debate.

Secondly, I don't know how much he earns, he's self employed.

At around Xmas I was struggling for money and asked my ex if he could help me out. He did, he gave me £400 and stopped my maintenance until that was repayed which I agreed too. He also agreed to giving me more maintenance each week but he did say he wouldn't contribute to anymore school uniform or things that dd may need while she's with me.

I've asked him for £50 for school uniform and he's refused to pay it. I know I agreed to him not giving me anymore but it's bloody expensive and I can't manage to pay it all!

Aibu to think he should pay? Does your ex contribute on top of maintenance?

I’m a single parent and don’t expect any money on top of child maintenance from my ex. The only exception would be for a trip/activity that was expensive and we’d both agreed on it. Day to day costs such as uniform should be paid for with maintenance.

I think it’s tricky when you don’t know how much he earns so don’t know if you’re getting a fair amount from him, but since you’ve agreed that he’ll increase maintenance and you wont ask for money for uniforms you can’t really go back on that.

I replace uniform year round as needed so don’t have a big lump sum to pay and if last years still fits then they will keep wearing it for the next year. I also look in charity shops and selling sites for trousers and skirts in the next size up, can usually get items for 50p each then just buy polo shirts from the supermarket.

That’s nice Waxonwaxoff0 but if you read the op she actually ASKED if anyone’s ex contributes to uniform on top of maintenance. She asked the question don’t blame people for answering.

He went self employed a few months ago so now I don't have a clue how much he earns. I've heard he's put a lot of money into his new business which he probably has. He doesn't have a flash car or holidays every year. I understand he's probably in the same boat as me financially but it would just be nice to get that bit extra off him. Especially when he pays it for his other child not but ours

I would not expect him to give me more for uniform.

Not ours

he has an older ds and he gets on with his mum really well so I know he will if contributed to that uniform. If not paid for it. But because we don't get on so well he won't pay for our dd.

Why is your relationship not as good as with his other ex ?

Is it worth a good old 'air clearing' ?

How much extra maintenance a month has he given? Is it more than £50 over the year? If so then yabu

£10 a week extra. Which I'm sorry but that's not much

How do you know for a fact he pays more
For his other child ???

If he has upped your maintenance throughout the year then I don't think you should be asking for more

I haven't had a penny in 11 years off my eldest children's father, all he actually contributes to is their uniform once a year
So you have it better than others do

@ilovepinkgin33 me and my ex don't get on but he gets on really well with the mum of his son. So I don't know that he does pay more but I don't see why he wouldn't. I told him that he should pay the same for dd as he does for his ds but he didn't respond to my message

If you share care then he should pay the share of the uniform for the number of days he has care.

I would not expect extra for uniform although I know if I asked he'd pay for it all. I get £500 a month for one child and although I think this slightly benefits him it's a lot of money.
When our DC wants to go on £1500 school trips I'll ask him to contribute but not before.
I think if the absent parent pays bare minimum morally they should offer more for school uniform, Christmas Birthday but legally they do not have to.
Does the school not have a second hand school uniform shop or can you ask online of anyone is selling or gifting any?

We get £100 pcm for 12yo DS and yes exH does chip in for uniform, shoes, hobby costs, school trips if we ask. He's the size of an adult and wears adult clothes so everything is expensive especially food

But the agreement was that he gave you more money each week and didnt pay for uniform.

You agreed to that.

PumpkinPiie yes I realise that, it's the whole "you should be grateful because I get nothing" attitude that's grating.

My Ex had to have a Deduction of Earnings attached because he refused to pay so i would not even bother asking for help with uniforms. If your Ex is more amicable then no harm in asking, but don't hold your breath.

I think that if they pay maintenance every month for their child then it's your responsibility as the recieving parent to save up from those monthly payments to pay for bigger once yearly expenses like new uniform etc
My ex pays me less than CMS suggests but enough. Being that I should be also contributing to our child's upbringing then she no way costs more than our two contributions plus child benefit.
It's my job to budget throughout the year so I can afford extras at birthday, Christmas, uniform etc.
So I think YABU to expect more.

That's £520 over a year - that's more than enough for school things and you did agree to it

He’s given you more extra than the cost of school uniform. You need to learn to budget and save.

I don’t get Child Maintenance, he keeps running from them. I’ve not had a penny for 5 years.

I put a small amount of money away when I can if something is due to be paid for like school uniform, car tax, TV licence.

You can get fairly cheap uniform if you hunt around. I got my DD’s summer dresses from car boots and the second hand uniform sale. Polo’s and jumpers from Poundland, school shoes Asda and skirts from Sainsbury’s.

I would just not ask for extra and just use the Child Maintenance. It’s what it’s there for. I could understand if it’s a big school trip.

I get no child support in name. However ds19 was 50:50 with dad, so I for example would say I need to take ds to get school uniform next week, and he would say I’m not working so give me a list and I will take him. Ds14’s dad I say to him can I have money for uniform and he’ll say is £300 enough, and if he needs more I’ll take him next week.
So I don’t get £300 a month given to me. If they need something, or if I’m short and need money for fuel, gas, electric or food, all I have to do is ask and they will give it.
I’m lucky I know.

You did agree that if he paid extra a week he wouldn't have to pay for uniform

But I needed the extra from him! It was the only was I could get it. Him paying extra but also means he will no longer contribute means I can't win!

It’s not like this expense came out the blue. Surely knowing it was coming you should have budgeted? You had already agreed with your ex that he wasn’t to contribute and he agreed to pay you extra. What’s to say he can afford it given that?
Offer to reduce his payments again until the £50 is paid?

I've said I have bought pretty much all the uniform. It's done, I'd just appreciate if we went halves on it. It's something dd needs, not something I want her to have. I'd understand if it were a nice dress or something. But it isn't. She has to go to school, she has to wear a uniform and I seem to have to pay for it all.

I'll leave it there. Thanks