To say no to my DH’s request to commit theft?

[Ifyousayso2019]

Name changed

I ordered about £150 worth of clothes from a well known online fashion retailer on Friday (23rd).

When I placed the order, they said that my clothes would arrive anytime on or before this Friday (30th) - that’s the only communication I’d received.

I was at my desk at work this morning when I got a text from the delivery company advising that they would deliver today between 10am-12pm. I won’t name the delivery company but I’ve seen countless negative threads on MN about them over the years.

As soon as I got the text (at 9.30), I clicked on the link in the message which said I could update the delivery preferences (eg safe place etc), and so I recorded that I wanted the delivery to be left with my neighbour next door.

Got home at 6 only to find that they’d been left in plain sight, outside, to the side of my porch. . Soaking wet as it had pissed it down in the afternoon, however I was more annoyed about the fact that they’d a)ignored my instruction to deliver to my neighbour (I spoke to the neighbour shortly afterwards and she said she and DH (both retired) had been home the whole day and no one knocked on her door or rang the doorbell, and b) it was clear from the packaging who the delivery was from and anyone could’ve swiped £150 worth of stuff for the 6-8 hours it was sat there (it’s not a cul de sac or quiet road).

Since getting home, DH has been banging on about how I should tell the retailer that the bag has been stolen because of the fact that their delivery company left it outside, get them to re-issue the items, and then sell the duplicates on Shpock or whatever. I said there was no way I would be doing this as it’s not the retailer’s fault that the delivery company are incompetent, he thinks I am mad and that any normal person would do what he’s suggested . Surely he’s not right, no normal person would immediately think to do that would they!?

He’s stopped going on about it now but it bothers me that he kept saying it!

Does your DH also think that 'everybody' scams insurers, by adding or exaggerating the value of items that were stolen or damaged, to gain better stuff for himself (and push up insurance prices for everyone)?

Most people, whether lovely or extremely selfish, think that they are normal and that 'everyone' is the same as them. It can be a shock to discover what some people's idea of normal conduct is.

Is your DH an habitual taker and dishonest in other ways too?

No, everybody has not done this, Gottobefree, and it’s not a “totally normal thing” to do either.
Stop talking out of your arse.

No, I wouldn’t think to do this. What I would probably do is complain to the retailer about the courier and they may send a goodwill gesture.

This is not a normal thought process.

Don't say it's been Stolen...it's dishonest and theft.

But definitely complain.

I had a package left hanging out of my letter box by our postwoman. ( letter size box, few cm thick) it was a handmade cake topper for my wedding cake, wooden and painted and a paper label, and had been sent recorded delivery.

I emailed and complained how it could have been pushed straight through, it's lucky it wasn't raining ( it would have been ruined) or stolen, it was recorded delivery and needed a signature.... They sent a book of stamps as an apology.

Greed, and dishonesty are such unattractive qualities in a partner, imo.

And yet most politicians are married . . .

I'd add, is he normally so vindictive? There seems to be an element of wanting to 'teach them a lesson' in his thought process, as well as the gainful criminality of theft, which may be more a by-product of his desire to punish the company (albeit from a position of moral low-ground!), than his up-front aim, perhaps?

That sort of desire to punish, to make life difficult for people, when its completely unecessary to do so, is more than unattractive, it's rather worrying as a character trait.

I wouldnt consider doing this although i know people who have got free (duplicate) stuff from a very large well known tax dodging company saying it was missing if it wasnt delivered to the door. I would complain to the company about the possibility of it getting stolen or damaged by leaving in a vulnerable place.

I do know though that delivery companies have ridiculous targets for their "self employed" delivery drivers and whilst its not right to leave parcels out to be lost stolen or damaged, the customer or the ground level low paid workers will be the ones who lose out.

A (different but equally appalling) delivery company left 2 cases of wine on my front steps - not even at the top. It wasn't cheap stuff either so it did cross my mind, very briefly, to claim it wasn't there when I got home.

@lottiegarbanzo Thank you for your armchair psychological analysis. I will pass it on to my mentally disturbed, scam artist, criminal underworld mastermind DH - unless you have another instalment that you’re planning to share after a further 4 hour window?

You are more than welcome.

Can’t you see it’s the intention to sell the duplicates and make a profit that’s so scummy, op? He’s not concerned with the fact that they could have been stolen or damaged because they obviously weren’t; he’s just spied an opportunity to pocket a few quid he’s not entitled to.
Someone you wouldn’t want nearby if you’d left your valuables unattended for a moment.
I couldn’t be with someone like that.

My god some of these comments! Poor bloke has been torn to shreds. Bet a lot of these high and mighty posters would actually do this.

Well, there’s little doubt you would.

FFS!

It was a light-hearted opening post - I don't think OP was REALLY suggesting that she and her DH were seriously contemplating becoming criminal masterminds.

I certainly didn't take it that way. It was just an opportunity to vent a bit of frustration and see whether anyone else felt equally p*ssed off by delivery firms.

I work for an online retailer and we would 100% give a discount if your parcel had been left out in the rain. It’s worth emailing about the condition of your delivery.

All our deliveries are just left by the front door, we live in a village. Never had an issue with theft.

Also people saying they would lie, tell thecompany it had been stolen then sell the duplicate stuff, do you steal other things which is randomly left lying around- if someone left a handbag on the back of a chair or a purse or phone in a table?

My neighbour was prosecuted for doing this. Don't do it.

Your husband is not a fundamentally honest person. Because no honest person would consider stealing 150 quids worth of goods because the delivery was poor. Or more likely consider stealing it because he could.

I'd also look at my husband differently if he suggested this, but he wouldn't and never has, and would be as appalled as I would be if I was the one to suggest it.

Basically he has seen an opportunity to steal and wants to take it.

I do disagree with your assertion that it’s not the retailer’s fault. You gave them money, and in return they contracted to deliver the goods you’d paid for safely to you. The fact that they chose to use a scummy subcontractor is their problem not yours. So definitely complain if your goods are wet, and feel free to complain about the risk of theft as well.

Personally I think a lot of people think about stealing when a company’s poor service has both inconvenienced you and made it easy to defraud them. I can’t be the only person who is tempted to just walk out at the end of a meal when the waiters all disappear and can’t be arsed to bring me the bill and I want to relieve the babysitter/catch the bus/go to sleep. And surely everyone has fleetingly thought “can’t I just grab it and walk out”when fighting with a recalcitrant automated checkout.

Your DH has gone past fleeting thoughts though which does indicate a slightly iffy moral compass - common but not ubiquitous.

that’s a twatty thing to do op .
Plus what goes around comes around