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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

how to nicely get grown woman to clean

109 replies

leafyygreens · 27/08/2019 22:01

I'm in my 20s, and due to a combination of crippling student debt and choosing to pursue my dream job in london, am still living in a rented flatshare with no escape in sight Grin

The classic issue- my flatmate is messy and avoids cleaning. She keeps her bedroom door shut, but once I had to let the landlord in and it was like a teenagers with crap everywhere and a musty smell. Obviously that's completely fine as it's her space, but as mess/dirt doesn't bother her I always end up cleaning in the communal spaces.

In the end I suggested each of us cleans half the flat once a week, it's tiny so honestly takes no more than 20 mins if you're fast. We've lived together for almost a year and recently every week there's an excuse- she's tired, she's too stressed, too busy, or recently, she was upset about the situation in a country she'd recently visited and didn't feel able to clean. I have such frustration as it's not like she's so busy she has no time- she doesn't work and is doing an artsy masters that takes up around 5-10 hours each week. The rest of the time she spends in coffee shops and restaurants.

I feel weird about talking to her about it as she's a grown woman at 38. What's a non-confrontational way to go about this? Would i be unreasonable to say if you don't want to clean that's fine, but please pay for a cleaner to do your portion? She takes absolutely ages to organise or sort out anything, so I could see her saying that's fine but never actually get round to organising it. AGH. Work is stressful and the house is gross! (DM is loving the situation as I used to be a messy teenager, much to her despair)

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 28/08/2019 07:21

What's your job that you have to be in London

Perhaps its a job in London? Wink

OMGshefoundmeout · 28/08/2019 07:22

As PP have said it’s a common problem in flatsharing and there’s nothing you can do to change her. She is living the way she chooses to and it suits her. Realistically you continue to do the cleaning and resent her or you move elsewhere where any housemates may or may not be cleaner than your current housemate.

Incidentally you do come across as judgy here - not only is she not clean enough for you but she is lazy, disorganised, her excuses/reasons are lame and her Masters is only an ‘arty’ one that doesn’t require much work. I wonder how much fun it is for her living with someone who has so little respect for her and what she does?

kimlo · 28/08/2019 07:24

I wouldn't let her pay you to do it. I would worry she will do even less because she pays you.

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:27

You do the cleaning and charge her

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 28/08/2019 07:28

What's your job that you have to be in London

What's that got to do with anything?

OP, I think I would just clean myself and put up with the situation if she was basically a nice person in every other way or move,but you risk being in a more difficult situation if you do that.

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:28

I am an artist. You must be such a drag to live with.

Ellisandra · 28/08/2019 07:30

And just when we thought that “why is the job in London” was the most pointless contribution, up pops “I am an artist” 🤣

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:30

I hope she moves out and you get a loud party animal who steals your food. Then you will know what a shit flatmate is.

Amyheadache · 28/08/2019 07:32

This sounds just like my life but swap flatmate for husband Angry

SoyDora · 28/08/2019 07:32

I am an artist. You must be such a drag to live with

How on earth is you being an artist in any way relevant to this thread?!

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:32

And just when we thought that “why is the job in London” was the most pointless contribution, up pops “I am an artist
Well if you've RTFT you will know that OP refers to flatemate's work as "arty" in a disparaging way.

KnightError · 28/08/2019 07:33

And just when we thought that “why is the job in London” was the most pointless contribution, up pops “I am an artist”

🤣🤣🤣

SoyDora · 28/08/2019 07:34

I’ve RTFT, still can’t see what you being an artist has to do with the OP’s issue?

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:36

Well you must be as thick as the people who don't understand that working in London often means you are forced for economic reasons to live in a flatshare.

Butchyrestingface · 28/08/2019 07:36

Well if you've RTFT you will know that OP refers to flatemate's work as "arty" in a disparaging way

Oh, put a cork in it and go and get triggered elsewhere.

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:38

it's not like she's so busy she has no time- she doesn't work and is doing an artsy masters that takes up around 5-10 hours each week. The rest of the time she spends in coffee shops and restaurants

Palaver1 · 28/08/2019 07:39

If you both pay for the flat did you not set house rules.In fairness I couldn’t imagine why it’s fair to subject anyone to such untidy place.
You will have to either have a frank talk with her age has nothing to do with this.
Clean it by yourself I would be so angry if I had to clean up after anyone’s shite.
Get a cleaner be prepared for the bills not to be paid
Or move.

joystir59 · 28/08/2019 07:39

What the fuck?

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 28/08/2019 07:40

Ime being arty is just an excuse to be messy/not clean. I wonder why it so often goes hand in hand?

SoyDora · 28/08/2019 07:42

Yes joystir59 we know what she said. Again, what has you being an artist got to do with the OP’s issue? Are you shit at cleaning too?

31RueCambon75001 · 28/08/2019 07:42

I was like "the pig" as a 25 year old. Hate a dirty house now though. I think move out and find a tidier house mate. You are driving her mad and i sympathise with u but 25 yr old me sympathises with her!

Ellisandra · 28/08/2019 07:43

You have RTFT @joystir59
Nothing disparaging about the word “artsy”, OP is just making the point that her flatmate doesn’t have extreme demands on her time.
Try taking the chip off your shoulder.

Butchyrestingface · 28/08/2019 07:43

Ime being arty is just an excuse to be messy/not clean. I wonder why it so often goes hand in hand?

She actually said artSy masters, tbf. Which could be anything really. Grin

Ellisandra · 28/08/2019 07:44

Although maybe I’m wrong and your being an artist is relevant to the thread.
Perhaps you can explain why one profession or interest over another gives one the excuse to be selfish?

Ligresa · 28/08/2019 07:44

Oh, put a cork in it and go and get triggered elsewhere

🤣🤣🤣