Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people would stop feeling sad that I only have sons?

98 replies

3LoudBoys · 27/08/2019 14:24

Someone at work just told me how 'it won't be the same' when they are older. No one to go shopping with or talk to on the phone, limited access to grandchildren, won't ever see them at Christmas.

Why say all these things? Even if they are true, let me enjoy them growing up. 😟

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 27/08/2019 14:30

Some people like to doom monger 🤷‍♀️. They're just negative people who aren't happy unless they're bringing somebody else down with them.

Or they're thoughtless/unpleasant people who don't deserve another second of your time spent thinking about them.

littlewriggler · 27/08/2019 14:31

They're idiots. If that's how their sons treat them then they're the ones that have raised them to be like that, surely?

It's a load of rubbish. My husband does more of those things with his parents than I do.

I'm a daughter, I'm close to my mam, but I can count on one finger how many times I've been shopping with her as an adult!!

Ijustwanttoretire · 27/08/2019 14:33

Weird - who says that if you had daughters they would be there when you are older - that is a very large assumption! I am really glad I had boys - never bothered about having a girl - and why would boys mean you have limited access to grandchildren? The chances are nowadays you'll end up looking after them whilst the parents are at work...

Ronia · 27/08/2019 14:34

My brother is probably closer to my parents than my sister and I. He lives nearby, invites them over regularly for dinner, his wife drops in with the kids for visits and they see lots of his kids. I live in a different country and my sister seems them a lot too, when she needs something.

Aquickquestionforyou · 27/08/2019 14:35

Agree! Going shopping with my mum as an adult makes me seriously regress to the teenage years! 😂

Mum/daughter relationships are complex in different ways and I’m not sure how mentally prepared I would be to parent me at 13!

I personally would love two boys but that’s just me and none of random strangers’ business 🙏

MustardScreams · 27/08/2019 14:36

They’re idiots. My brother is far closer to my parents than I am. It depends entirely on the child, not their sex.

Perhaps they have children that hate them and are projecting.

FatTwat69 · 27/08/2019 14:37

My Mum spends more time with my brothers than she does me. She also babysits for one of them way, way more than she does for my children.

I always get the ‘will you have any more so you get a different sex next time?’

‘Not unless you’re gonna do all the night feeds and nappy changes dickhead’.

cptartapp · 27/08/2019 14:37

Never went shopping with my mum, never 'chatted' on the phone. Christmas was split between both sets of parents.
I have two boys and this theory doesn't worry me. I'll be quite happy not to be the default babysitter. Now teens, having two of the same gender has been absolutely the best thing about having DC. And that far outweighs any hankering for afternoon teas and spa days.

WhenDoesTheWashingEnd · 27/08/2019 14:38

What horrible things to say.

My DH has far more contact with his parents than I do with mine. We visit often and they visit us. We share most of the big holidays together one way or another.

We have a DS and if I have any more I would be over the moon if they were boys too!!

Not that there's anything wrong with girls at all.

doskant · 27/08/2019 14:38

People are so weird. Boys are great! At least I think mine is, even though he’s slowly but surely killing me... I’m sure if I had a girl I’d think she was great too. People who make such random comments generally have their own silly agendas. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Original poster
3LoudBoys · 27/08/2019 14:39

Thank you for your positivity. 😀 It is just what I needed to hear.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 27/08/2019 14:39

You should reply with ‘yeah... I bet your husband is so disappointed you only got girls... a father son relationship is amazing’ people are idiots

TriciaH87 · 27/08/2019 14:42

Utter rubbish. My partner is one of 3 boys. See his mum regularly. We alternate Christmas between my family and his. If we are hosting we have both and siblings. I have only boys and will expect the same. Although I know I will be thankful to any future DILs as I know they will be the ones remembering birthdays etc as my oh is useless. The brothers often forget mothers day if there mums away. She is always thankful for the card n flowers once they get back(she knows its me after she once thanked him and he asked what she was talking about).

doskant · 27/08/2019 14:44

And for what it’s worth, it’s unlikely I will be able to have more kids but I would be very happy if I had two more boys like you. Wouldn’t dream of being disappointed not to have a girl. You’ve done well, OP.

JustMe81 · 27/08/2019 14:44

I’m currently pregnant with my second. When people asked if I had a preference I said I’d like another boy, just because I have everything I need for a boy so he could just slot in. I was told I needed a girl. I’m having a girl, I’m over the moon but keep being told how having one of each is perfect and just what everyone wants. Hmm I’d actually pretended to my dad and step mum that I was actually having a boy and my step mums reaction especially was so underwhelming, but totally changed when I told them it was a actually a girl. People are strange......

SardineJam · 27/08/2019 14:44

MIL is a mother of 4 boys, I am a mother of 2 boys. MIL is constantly feeding me this line and telling me that I'll see how lonely it is...but no surprise because she has always been a pretty atrocious mother (based on what DH and his brothers have told me). I am one of r children (two girls, two boys), one brother is extremely close to my mother, the other, quite neutral and my sister not very close at all. So I'm summary, its a silly old wives tale.

Areyoufree · 27/08/2019 14:46

My sister gets this all the time. She has three boys, so people always assume that they were trying to have a girl. Nope, she loves her boys. I think people forget that kids are individuals - her boys are very different from each other, so she has a range of personalities. The shape of their genitals are neither here nor there.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/08/2019 14:48

It's such a load of old shite. I have two boys and each stage they've been through so far has been gorgeous.

Children don't fit only one slot to the other; there are millions of slots and so long as they grow up happy and fabulous, the whole "don't you wish you'd tried for a girl" thing can piss right off. It's rude and dismissive of the fact that boys can adore their Mums as much as girls can despise their Mums.

dollydaydream114 · 27/08/2019 14:49

limited access to the grandchildren

All my mum's grandchildren are my brother's, as I don't have kids. She has plenty of access to them, I can assure you - she sees them all the time. And honestly, if I did have children I'd be absolutely delighted for my MIL to spend as much time with them as she wanted.

I think people can be really tactless when people have children of all one sex. I know a couple of people who have only boys and they have an absolutely lovely time with them now and will undoubtedly continue to do so as they grow up.

My oldest nephew is in his 20s now and more than happy to go shopping with his mum, too - he's very into clothes, much more than she is, really! Oh and my DP has a lovely relationship with his mum - they talk on the phone every week and get on very well.

tmh88 · 27/08/2019 14:51

Yes I get this when I tell people I’m only having 1 and he’s a boy, so I get the whole what if he never has kids? What if he does but you won’t get to see them as much? I find correcting them with the fact I see my MIL a hell of a lot more than my mum and so does DS! Enrages me OP. People are rude! Annoys me more because DS isn’t even 2 yet so bizarre to even think about!

dimsum123 · 27/08/2019 14:52

I've never gone shopping with my mum, we hardly talk on the phone. We weren't close when I was growing up and we're not close now.

People who say those things are miserable mean minded people who are to be pitied.

MisterOnion · 27/08/2019 14:52

limited access to the grandchildren

MIL sees my DC more than anyone else does!

And as for not seeing them in the holidays comment, we've been to MIL and FIL more than we have my own parents.

Juells · 27/08/2019 14:53

I saw a great description on a thread a few days ago - that people are either radiators or drains. The OP's workmate is a drain.

QueenofmyPrinces · 27/08/2019 14:54

I have two boys and I love them so, so, so much!!!

If anyone said those things to me OP I would probably feel quite upset.

Maybe it is true but like you said, we deserve the right to enjoy our boys without people making us feel bleak about our futures with them.

Beccaishere · 27/08/2019 14:54

I have a son (only child) and often worry about when he is older that I may not have as close bond as we do now, but what will be will be. I have brought him up how I feel is right and hope he remembers that and remembers to give his old mum a call every now and then while he is travelling the world! 😉
I share a very close bond with my mum she is honestly my best friend. My brother is still close as well even though he has been married for many years and has 2 kids. We get on well with his wife. Funnily enough his kids scream their heads off if they think that have to stay with the grandparents (wife’s parents)!They love my parents so much, they literally beg to stay every weekend! Apparently very unusual for the kids to prefer fathers family to mothers family as we have been told many times! 🙄