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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish people would stop feeling sad that I only have sons?

98 replies

3LoudBoys · 27/08/2019 14:24

Someone at work just told me how 'it won't be the same' when they are older. No one to go shopping with or talk to on the phone, limited access to grandchildren, won't ever see them at Christmas.

Why say all these things? Even if they are true, let me enjoy them growing up. 😟

OP posts:

stucknoue · 27/08/2019 17:09

My brother is closer to my parents, in distance and contact frequency, ignore them. As far as once married with kids it depends on the relationship you have with your sons and their partners, there's a balance between friendliness and being overpowering. My dd is pretty close to her boyfriends mum, she certainly is very welcoming and respectful at the same time

Singlenotsingle · 27/08/2019 17:12

I've got 2 adult sons. No daughters. One son lives at home and ds2 lives with his dw and 2dc. They visit often, he often phones, and I go shopping with ddil.

StoneofDestiny · 27/08/2019 17:17

What?
Mum of 2 boys - got just what I hoped for. Not sure what there is to be sorry for?

Bluewall · 27/08/2019 17:24

I have only boys and I worry about this a little bit. I feel a bit like I will be at the mercy of my daughter in law's when they are older if they don't like me all the things above such as turn around at Christmas, seeing grandkids etc will be harder. I try and make things as even as possible with my MIL but even then I usually ask my mum for help or to watch the kids first.

I have a lot of friends who don't make much effort with their MILs and every day there is a a MIL bashing post on here and they give me the fear ! Of course we all want to bring out boys up to be good men but you can't pick who they fall in love with and love can make you do funny things !

notastealthboast · 27/08/2019 17:32

I find this astonishing, I have a ds but never had any comments on this.

TooMuchSun12 · 27/08/2019 17:40

My brother is far closer to my mum than my sister. They share a love of naff action movies that neither my dad or his GF enjoy and often have dinner before/after. My DH sees his mum every week (at least) with the DC. No limited access to the grand children here! You’ll raise your sons to be lovely, thoughtful people who will still enjoy your company as they get older. Ignore people who say otherwise.

Downinthetubestationatmidnight · 27/08/2019 17:51

A bonus for me is I have a lovely daughter in law! My son got married 2 years ago and I get on famously with her, in fact, I can tell her things I might not discuss with anyone else in my family. She is very family orientated and I now have a delightful grandson and have bonded further as we discuss child matters. My daughter has a sister in law she thinks the world of. I got on very well with my late MIL too and her advice on many matters has stayed with me.

Ragwort · 27/08/2019 18:33

It's rather sad that people even think that 'having someone to go shopping with' is something to focus on as a parent .

pumkinspicetime · 27/08/2019 18:34

My DH gets on well with his mum as does his brother. They visit us and we holiday as a group sometimes.
I do more typically girls things with my MIL and now my dd does ( she is much better at it than I am)
Don't worry OP.

sassbott · 27/08/2019 20:54

I have 3 DC’s. All boys. Not going to lie, when they were toddlers it was hideous. I would look at my friends who had daughters and would sit and draw and stick and just be calm. And I would despair as they gave advice on parenting.

Now? My boys are brilliant. Funny, kind, entertaining, helpful and relatively straightforward human beings. Complex but easy to understand and be with. The friends with daughters? Not having even close to as easy a time.

Whether my boys move away, or Don’t. Whether they remain close to me or do their own thing. It matters not one jot to me, so long as they are happy. And that they treat the people they are with kindly.

I’d feel the same way if I had daughters. Our children will grow up and make their choices. Our job is to give them a rock solid foundation that allows them to spread their wings and fly. Whether they stay close is not a male/ female thing.

I have no relationship with my mother because she is a nasty piece of work. My brother however continues to see her, albeit on very superficial terms. He has her number but also feels far more obliged to be in touch and ensure she is ok.

Ignore the comments.

rosamundos · 27/08/2019 22:15

Agree this is rubbish.

My DH is much closer to his parents than I am to mine. Our little boy probably sees DH’s mum more than he sees my mum.

Never been shopping with my mother in my life and neither would I want to! Any form of mother / daughter bonding would be awkward and weird as we’re not close.

Gender and family myths are so unhelpful and just serve to make good meaning people feel bad.

CalmAndQuiet · 27/08/2019 22:22

This is so weird. Do people really think like this? I have boys but have never come across this attitude.

AriadneCrete · 27/08/2019 22:25

It’s nonsense. I love my mum but we are not close- we are very different people. I couldn’t wait to leave home and I never returned after uni! I hate going shopping with her and haven’t been in about 10 years because it’s such a stressful experience. I have to psyche myself up for phone calls and mentally prepare for anything longer than an overnight visit.

Having a daughter does not guarantee closeness!

darkcloudsandsunnyskies · 27/08/2019 22:29

They are correct.

Their new female partners and her parents will displace you and you will not see them much unless you live very close.

ByStarlight · 27/08/2019 22:32

It's rather sad that people even think that 'having someone to go shopping with' is something to focus on as a parent

This ^

I was always more of a tomboy as a kid, and the thought of going shopping with another adult woman fills me with horror!

Gertie75 · 27/08/2019 22:32

I hate threads like this, it always ends up with people complaining about those who slate boys but then they themselves go on to slate girls.

There would be uproar if there was a reverse thread.

noeyedeer · 27/08/2019 22:41

My MIL would agree. She has 3DS. My husband and 2 sons see her a few times a year (we live quite a way away), and I refuse to have anything to do with her. BUT, for 17 years I tried, and when she started her emotional, passive aggressive shit on my son, I stopped seeing her so frequently, and so did my DH and 2DS. She forgets in the whole "daughters would've been better" shit, that her DS3 (late 30s) still lives with her and DS1 (early 40s) lives just down the road and relies on her financial handouts. DILs will always be the devil (3x DIL not having anything to do with her), but a daughter would've been better 🤔🤦

I just hope that I'm not an absolute cow to any future DIL. I'm sure that my DSs will be fine if I'm not.

Sweetpea55 · 27/08/2019 22:43

You must be so proud having sons. Ignore those idiots.

Darbs76 · 27/08/2019 22:48

I desperately wanted a daughter after 2 boys and felt very fortunate to experience both genders. Some of the things your friend said were reasons. However I’m very close to DS1, he’s 11yrs older and it was just me and him for 8yrs. He’s 25 now and we are doing a cruise together (my mum too) next month. He’s taking me to Iceland in February (the country not the shop) and I foresee us going on holidays for many years. I can’t imagine I’ll be any closer to my daughter than I am to a son. Friends at work get taken on holiday by their adult sons too

Darbs76 · 27/08/2019 22:54

I think some of the MIL threads on here don’t help. But no doubt many daughter in law’s who have great relationships with their MIL.

I hate that saying too ‘A daughter is your daughter all his life, a son is your son until he meets a wife’. I expect many Mother’s would agree with this but probably ones who haven’t helped themselves in forming good relationships with their DIL. You see many men on threads though who are tip toeing around scared to upset either the wife or the mother!

SarahBeeney · 28/08/2019 00:05

What rubbish and so rude of people to comment.

I have one of each but I don't 'count myself lucky' more than people who have two of the same sex. I'm just grateful to have two healthy kids.

In some ways I think it's better to have two of the same sex as they play in the same way more.

chipsandgin · 28/08/2019 00:08

Love my boys and wouldn’t want it any other way (girls are brilliant too, obviously- I’ve just never had any wish for things to be different for me). I’ve never encountered any negativity either thankfully. Whoever said that is a dick, so pay no attention, I wouldn’t!

KeepStill · 28/08/2019 00:22

@darkcloudsandsunnyskies, maybe it’s your winning personality that makes your sons avoid you..?

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