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Original poster

To wish people would stop feeling sad that I only have sons?

98 replies

3LoudBoys · 27/08/2019 14:24

Someone at work just told me how 'it won't be the same' when they are older. No one to go shopping with or talk to on the phone, limited access to grandchildren, won't ever see them at Christmas.

Why say all these things? Even if they are true, let me enjoy them growing up. 😟

OP posts:
GizzardChops · 27/08/2019 14:56

Oh, all that "a daughter's a daughter for life but a son is only a son untill he takes a wife" nonsense?

I'm sorry OP, people are idiots. I got the "bet you want a girl" over and over when pregnant with DC2, because obviously no one can possibly want two boys, right? It made me sad for my DS, and for my unborn baby (who I was so sure was a boy!).

Enjoy your children for the wonderful people they are! Your relationship with them into adulthood will be shaped by far more than what sex they are IMO.

NotQuiteUsual · 27/08/2019 14:56

They're also missing out on the fact you're likely to have DILs. I do more of the mother daughter crap with my MIL than my mum anyway. But that's because my mum is super needy, my MIL have no proper history and just click. So we get on great. You have every chance to have an awesome mother daughter relationship, but without any of the bad bits.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 27/08/2019 14:59

I get this. I tend to reply that I'm relieved I don't have daughters, we're going backwards in too many ways that affect women and I never have to see my daughter deal with sexual harassment, being afraid to travel at night, fighting for recognition or worrying about her appearance because the media tells her to. (Not that boys are immune to some of those things, but they seem bigger and more to contend with for girls.)

My boys are my world, I'd have loved a daughter just the same, but I don't miss out on any experiences that count just because I had boys. My friend once asked if I'd been sad I could never shop for dresses.Hmm Not really, no. They're just dresses. It's just like buying anything.

sugarbum · 27/08/2019 14:59

They've clearly never met my youngest. He loves going shopping with me and is the most sociable child ever. I have no doubt he'll be ringing to chat all the time when he's older.

Elllicam · 27/08/2019 15:02

I get told this all. the. time. I have four boys who I adore and wouldn’t swap for the world.

Minai · 27/08/2019 15:03

I feel the same way. I have 2 boys and I am very happy. I don’t want any more children and for some reason people generally seem to assume I’m disappointed ds2 wasn’t a girl. I’m not, he’s wonderful and I wouldn’t change him for the world. I don’t feel like I’m missing out by not having girls.

I’m not into shopping and traditionally girly things. I’m close to my mum but we don’t do shopping, spa days, afternoon tea (all the things people mention that I’ll be missing out on without daughters) my brother is close to my mum too and I don’t think any less so because he is a boy.

IMHO it’s a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy that people who wanted girls or value girls more don’t make an effort to be close to their sons as the get older and then despair that they have a crap relationship with them.

BarbariansMum · 27/08/2019 15:04

Dh obviously didn't get that memo. Smile He's one of 2 boys, both of whom see their parents v regularly and they have plenty of interaction w their grand children too. Tbf his mum does call him to chat more than he calls her and he can be a bit shit about birthday presents (usually late) but in terms of actually being in their lives there's none better. His brother likewise.

The fact that they are lively people really helps....

BarbariansMum · 27/08/2019 15:05

lovely people (they are quite lively too though)

Sennedd · 27/08/2019 15:05

I have two girls and one boy. I was delighted to find out number three was a boy so I could buy boys’ clothes for a change!

bananasandwicheseveryday · 27/08/2019 15:06

I had similar comments about my 2. One person told me that paternal grandparents are only ever 'second best' ! Well, I have to say that our experience couldn't be any more different. We have dgs a couple of days a week whilst ds and DIL are at work. They have chosen to spend Christmas Day with us more than with DILs family. They often pop in when they are on their way to the park, or out for a walk. DIL asks advice when she is worried about something and we enjoy each other's company. Otoh, I don't have a particularly close relationship with my mum and I definitely go not to shopping etc with her and I haven't seen her on Christmas Day for over 30 years!

Your relationships with your dd and future DILs are for you to build in the most positive way you can and anyone who tells you otherwise has no idea.
I find it sad how boys, And therefore mothers of sons, are so often regarded as second best or lower status than girls and their mothers.

Lucafritz · 27/08/2019 15:06

Some people are messed up like that and weirdly obsessed with gender like it's something that even matters Confused your sons can do all those things with you and probably will if you've raised them to be lovely kind children which im sure you have Grin Ignore the gender obsessed idiots who say stuff like that im sure its some form of mental illness to categorize children that way and colour code them with pink and blue Confused

DareDevil223 · 27/08/2019 15:07

My DS is 25, we are very close. We text and talk on the phone, we go out for lunch, he comes and stays with me, I see him at Christmas. He is a kind and loving son. I can't imagine that my relationship with a daughter (if I'd had one) could have been any closer.

Basically OP, people talk bollocks and this is cast iron bollocks. I'd tell her to STFU personally.

MsTSwift · 27/08/2019 15:07

Such nonsense I work with end of life patients often is the son taking on main carer role

RelaisBlu · 27/08/2019 15:08

Why do people come out with such clichés?
I have 3 adult DDs and I never go shopping with them! (I hate shopping)
We meet & up and do stuff I can imagine doing just the same if they had been boys

ipswichwitch · 27/08/2019 15:08

I don't really get the whole “oh you need a daughter to do shopping and spa days with” claptrap. No, I have friends that I do that stuff with. With my boys I will do whatever interests us both, be it shopping, or paint balling! I’ve never done shopping day’s etc which my DM and probably never will. We don’t have that sort of relationship.

If you go through life believing you’ll “lose” your son to his wife then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I wouldn’t expect to come first forever with my kids, be they male or female, at some point our kids move out and make their own family who becomes priority.

BarbedBloom · 27/08/2019 15:08

I hate shopping so would never go with my mum Grin

We do spend Christmas on our own as DH has no time off work and we can't travel up there and back as no public transport, but who knows what will happen in the future

There is no guarantee that any of your children will be there at christmas whatever sex they are and the same with their partners. They may not even have children. Seems silly to worry about all of this now.

As you say, enjoy your time with them

JuniperOakPark · 27/08/2019 15:10

My BIL and his entire family get together every Sunday after church which includes my sister and her MIL. They are all a very close family, the sons and the daughters.

My Dh saw his Mum every 4 weeks or so due to distance and my own 16 year old son has just spent the last 10 weeks with me (I am a SAHM he finished his GCSEs mid June) we have had a lovely time, breakfasts out, shopping, watching tv together.

I know plenty of women who do not get on with their mothers. It isn't to do with being a son or daughter, it is personality! Plus I saved a crap load of money handing down clothes from Ds1 to Ds2.

ZaZathecat · 27/08/2019 15:11

I have a ds and a dd. Dd hates shopping and we never go. Out of the 2, D's is the chatty one both on person and on the phone. Dd is lovely but definitely not what people expect.

BarbedBloom · 27/08/2019 15:11

Pressed send by accident. I think the people who think this often expect to remain first priority as their children get older and don't appreciate that their child's partner will come first in some situations. As others say, then losing their son becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

RelaisBlu · 27/08/2019 15:12

That's quite true about Christmas BarbedBloom 2 of our DDs live overseas so we won't be seeing either of them this Christmas

Clayplease · 27/08/2019 15:13

This is such a mean and incorrect attitude. I have girls and would love a son. My partner is one of 3 brothers and we spend more time with his mum (who lives 2 hours away) than we do with my mum who is half an hour away. It's nonsense! They are prob just unhappy in their own life so trying to make other people feel bad.

DaisyStarburst · 27/08/2019 15:15

I have two boys, the first time I took my second out in the pram with the toddler people were stopping me to have a look, I was happy to show him off, then the questions, was I disappointed, was I going to try for girl next etc. They have grown up into lovely caring men, I have two lovely daughter in laws who I go out with and see my beautiful grandchildren. Couldn't be happier.

EmrysAtticus · 27/08/2019 15:16

DH is very close to his mum, calls her a couple of times a week and sees her every couple of months. This weekend he is driving six hours all round to see her on her birthday.

LaMarschallin · 27/08/2019 15:17

I've got two daughters and am happy with that. However, sometimes, people are amazed if you're happy not to have "one of each".

The same lovely midwife who delivered my second daughter delivered my first (pure good fortune as both were delivered under NHS care).

She remembered the first daughter and, as she handed me the second, said brightly, "You'll be trying for a boy now I expect!".

All I could say, while lying among the detritus of childbirth, was, "Well... Not for the next hour or so".

IlluminatiParty · 27/08/2019 15:19

I love the perception that having boys is hard work etc because it makes people think I'm this super mum when actually my boys are piss easy to parent and haven't given me any major headaches and plenty of love and laughs! Just ignore her, your children are yours. Your relationship with them is unique.

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