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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wash and dry my hair?

111 replies

Hornet7067 · 26/08/2019 21:46

I generally wash and blow dry my hair every other day and even though I try and time it so it doesn’t affect DH, it not always possible and he always moans because of the time it takes, it probably adds half hour on to my normal getting ready time.

Since I’ve gone back to work after we had a child I’ve given up getting lash extensions done every two weeks because DH kept moaning about the time. My eyebrows were due to be done 4 weeks ago and I haven’t gone to get them done because again DH moans about the time. (I’m very blonde so having my brows tinted actually makes me feel so much better about myself). But blow drying my hair is something I’m not willing to give up, does this make me unreasonable?

OP posts:

cheesydoesit · 27/08/2019 12:49

The OP is adapting her priorities, it doesn't mean she ceases to be a person in her own right though. In what way is her DH adapting his priorities? He can't even parent his own fucking child enough to get them ready in the morning.

Witchinaditch · 27/08/2019 13:10

If you can afford it start getting your lashes and eyebrows done again, everyone deserves me time and I’m sure he hasn’t given up time consuming things away from the family. You are equals and both parents it’s not just your responsibility to give up things that make you happy.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 27/08/2019 13:15

Free time means time on your own to do what you want. Housework, household shopping and taking care of a child do not fall under the category or free time.

Krisskrosskiss · 27/08/2019 13:16

Hes being incredibly controlling. This is not okay.

Queenioqueenio · 27/08/2019 13:23

If you’ve agreed a time you are leaving the house I think it’s perfectly ok for you to spend an hour blowing drying your hair. If he’s waiting for you to finish - an hour every single time- I think you should get ready earlier.
The eyebrows moaning is pure nonsense - it doesn’t affect him in any way and you should restart these appointments ASAP.

OneStepSideways · 27/08/2019 13:41

.The OP is adapting her priorities, it doesn't mean she ceases to be a person in her own right though. In what way is her DH adapting his priorities?

How does excessive grooming in the mornings and regular lash extensions and eyebrow tinting make you more of a person in your own right?

Fair enough if OP makes the appointments on her non work days and leaves DD with her mum. Although that is effectively free time for her, so if she then spends 1.5 hours grooming the next morning I can see why DH might be resentful. Especially if he works full time and needs to get ready for work.

If you work part time and can leave your child with relatives to attend beauty appointments, that's having free time.

Pampering yourself is nice and can boost self esteem, but if it's affecting family time at weekends then yes priorities are wrong.

EllesBells123 · 27/08/2019 14:04

I don't understand, why do you not wash your hair in the evenings? Your child will already be asleep and your partner won't be waiting for you to get ready. Sorry if you've said and I missed it whilst skimming the thread. Everyone I know does their grooming in the evenings after kids. That's just how it works, you can't take 1.5 hours out of every Saturday morning doing your hair just for a family day out. I can understand why your partner wants you to hurry up.

Vulpine · 27/08/2019 14:39

My dh takes longer to get ready for stuff than me. I find it rather annoying

Lweji · 27/08/2019 15:07

He doesn't have a hobby, does he?

Sketcher · 27/08/2019 15:09

Ask him for a decent hairdryer. He can pay for it

Lweji · 27/08/2019 15:17

I bet it's faster if he does it, rather than you doing it yourself.

BaronessBomburst · 27/08/2019 15:18

I do wonder why you washed and dried your hair before going to the beach?
Surely that's a bung it up in a bun job, and wash the salt spray out when you get home again?

Stuckforthefourthtime · 27/08/2019 15:25

Agree with a pp. What is the point in spending 30 mins washing and drying hair before a family beach trip? And having false eyelashes every 2 weeks is a big time cost as well.as.actual expense.

If he gets equal amounts of spending cash and child free time, and you have plenty of time as a family and money to spare then sure, he's BU. but if not, then maybe you need to re-evaluate priorities.

cheesydoesit · 27/08/2019 15:28

How is washing your hair and putting a bit of make up before work on excessive grooming? I would consider that just part of a morning routine.

OP has said he doesn't like her to make a weekday appointment and have DC looked after by a family member nor does he like her to make a weekend appointment where he would be in sole charge of his child.

I think the problem is OP's DH thinks he gets to decide how to manage her days and that he can't seem to dress and feed his child in the morning as part of a family routine. In this house we will all get up and get the kids ready then give each other space to get themselves ready so that we can all reach work, school etc at the necessary times. Isn't that what most families do?

augustagain · 27/08/2019 15:33

It’s usually so we can go out together as a family. Saturday

I don't see how 1/2 hour of grooming time prevents that.

we went to the seaside for the day and he moaned that me and DD weren’t ready when he came down from his shower because I’d been drying my hair

Why does everyone have to be ready when the Lord & Master is?

crosstalk · 27/08/2019 18:35

Sorry OP but I really don't understand why you need to wash and blow dry your hair for a day out at the beach. Or did I misread an interim post? Half an hour every day is two hours of your life every week even if you've put off the lash extensions.

However I'm a wash and go person so clearly not in your league.

Why don't you talk to your husband instead of MN? Explain to him how you feel.

ems137 · 27/08/2019 18:55

I get my lashes done every other Saturday, I'm the 1st appointment of the day 8.30-9.30 so that it doesn't impact any days out etc.

If I know we're going out the next day I was and dry my hair the night before.

If I know we're pushed for time on a morning I get up a bit earlier.

Can't understand why you can't do the above, surely it's common sense? If you're already doing the above the he's just being a prick.

WhyBirdStop · 27/08/2019 19:15

An hour and a half to get ready for a family day out is quite a lot, I'm assuming he doesn't take that long. You need to start washing your hair in the evenings, I either wash, dry and straighten at night, then it only needs a five minute go over in the morning, or wash in the morning and leave it to dry naturally, great in the heat or if I've got a longish car drive and can put the blowers on. I have thick long curly hair, so not easy to manage.

I used to do it in the mornings, get my eyelashes done every 2-3 weeks (hour appointment, half hour round trip), eyebrows tinted and shaped (another hour), gym 4-5 times a week followed by a long hot bath, exfoliate, deep moisturise, regular pedicures etc. If I still did all of that now I'd spend little time with DH and DS as a family or I'd be asking people to babysit for things that are luxuries which seems a bit CF.

So now I walk/jog with the buggy, gave up the eyelashes but got a really good growth serum and tint at home, do a home pedicure in the evenings when DS is in bed and get my eyebrows threaded in town which takes five minutes and I get it done when we're in town anyway and keep them tidy with tweezers. I don't think you can still take 90 minutes to get ready for a day out once you have children.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 28/08/2019 00:18

@WhyBirdStop - an aside to the thread; what lash serum are you using? I've been using fLash but think I need to try something else.

Cherrysoup · 28/08/2019 00:28

You don’t have more time, you’re parenting your child, which is something he can do on weekends while you go and go get your eyebrows done etc.

CSIblonde · 28/08/2019 01:43

He's an arse. Up to you how much time you devote to that. I'd tint brows & lashes at home tho, way cheaper & no schlep to the salon.

Durgasarrow · 28/08/2019 02:17

After I read this post I felt sick to my stomach off and on all day. It's hard to believe that real women have to live with this kind of shit. What is wrong with these whiny little men? How is it anyone would ever have sex with them? This guy sounds as as attractive as a four month old Big Mac with a cigarette stubbed out in it.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 28/08/2019 03:38

Rhodadendron I love this. Laughed out loud!!!!

MissCharleyP · 28/08/2019 06:56

It depends how long it takes and how much time you leave. My DH was amazed at how long the battle with my hair took the first time he saw me wash/blow dry/straighten it. I had long, very thick hair and if we had planned to leave at 10, I’d have to get up at 7:30. He never moaned but I know he wished we could have had a lie in and just got up and gone. I’ve gone short now!

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 28/08/2019 07:51

I am amazed at the people that are saying it’s unreasonable to take time to blow dry your hair. In theory I take longer than dh to go out because well I have hair for a start so washing and drying that takes time. I also have very curly hair so not drying isn’t really an option for me or it’s wild. I also wear make-up he doesn’t so of course I take longer are those saying it’s unfair to make him wait saying she should cut down her routine to get down to the same number of minutes as her husband that shaved his head and presumably doesn’t wear make-up? Half an hour is in no way unreasonable.

My ex resented the days I was at home with the dc hugely. He felt that going to a toddler group or meeting a friend and her dc for coffee was unreasonable and I should basically be stuck at home because he was at work. He did little to help with the dc when he was home and even less around the house and in reality had much more actual free time than me.

Don’t give up the things that you do to make you feel good about yourself. I too have seen men behave like your dh then in a few years complain their wife/partner has let themselves go. It’s a damned if you do situation don’t get lost in being a mum do the things that make you feel good too.

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