AIBU to wash and dry my hair?

[Hornet7067]

I generally wash and blow dry my hair every other day and even though I try and time it so it doesn’t affect DH, it not always possible and he always moans because of the time it takes, it probably adds half hour on to my normal getting ready time.

Since I’ve gone back to work after we had a child I’ve given up getting lash extensions done every two weeks because DH kept moaning about the time. My eyebrows were due to be done 4 weeks ago and I haven’t gone to get them done because again DH moans about the time. (I’m very blonde so having my brows tinted actually makes me feel so much better about myself). But blow drying my hair is something I’m not willing to give up, does this make me unreasonable?

Just read your update, is he worried hes not very good with dd? If she cries etc so doesnt want you "wasting time"

Honestly, the men I read about on here sound like such a bunch of pricks.

This is utterly ridiculous.

He's moaning that you wash and dry your hair? Um, earth to your husband: this is completely normal.

Is he a total wanker about everything, or just your hair?

It doesn't sound like he likes you very much, sadly.

Next time you are going to see his friends or family, don't wash your hair - make it look total shit, put on nasty clothes, old shoes, no make up - see what he says.

I’d be telling him to fuck right off!
Sounds like a total prick!!

How long do you usually take to get ready for a day out?

Who does most child are and most getting the dc ready for a day out?

*care

He complains about having to dress his child?

We have a small baby and DH regularly (kindly!) orders me to go have a long bath, do my hair, read a book in bed for an hour or do my nails as he knows those things relax me and I sometimes need prompting to leave the baby and put my feet up. He enjoys having time with her on his own, they have stuff they do together, and I get to feel human.

That’s not praise worthy or medal winning husbanding or parenting, that’s normal.

Wow.

Please don't let him moaning stop you looking after yourself. If having your eyebrows tinted makes you feel good, do it. It sounds like the beginnings of controlling behaviour and could easily get worse.

Would he sooner you shave your head than spend time drying your hair?!

Also, no reason he shouldn't share responsibility for helping your dd with things. He's a parent too, it shouldn't all be your responsibility.

He sounds a bit of a numpty. I'd treat yourself to a day to yourself and let him have some quality time with your dd!!

Yeah so you start not drying your hair too, on top of not getting lashes etc done. You start giving up on how you look. Your confidence goes downhill. Your life gets smaller and smaller, just baby, work, housework. Meanwhile he's criticising more and more. Nothing you do is ever good enough. You start to cry randomly in the loo at work and feel sad all the time. Go to the GP and get antidepressants. Feel trapped and numb...

Tell him to fuck off to the far side etc.

To answer the questions I’ve been asked...

We pool our earnings, pay the bills, put money into savings and have equal amounts of “fun money” every month. So the cost of these treatments wouldn’t affect him in the slightest.

If I get my treatments done on my days off in the week, he moans that I’m palming DD off on other people (my mum or sister). If I have it done on a Saturday he moans that I’m stopping us from having a family day out.

He shaves his hair himself once a week and if he says he need time to do his hair, he gets it. But he usually does it when DD is in bed on a Sunday evening. I can’t exactly go get my treatments done at that sort of time.

We both go out as and when we please really. My friends are all going away for a long weekend in October and he has encouraged me to go.

He is great with DD, he definitely does his fair share. Could probably do a bit more housework but no one is perfect.

I didn’t think I was being unreasonable but you see some women whose appearance is no longer their priority when they have children and I was starting to doubt whether blow drying my hair was me being selfish. I’d never give up actually washing my hair.

@Luckingfovely what makes you say he doesn’t like me very much? You’ve kinda hit a raw nerve there.

he had to help get DD ready you mean he had to actually parent his own child? . He shouldn't be "helping". He should be automatically sharing the care of DD.

I went to bed early with a headache last night and apparently didn’t show any appreciation today, I said thank you last night but that wasn’t enough apparently What did you have to thank him for?For "allowing" you to go to bed early?

This is all kinds of wrong OP.Your DH sounds a controlling twat. If you want to wash and dry your hair, you do it. How does it affect him anyway? If you want to have your eyebrows or anything else done, do it. Just tell him to stop bloody moaning.

Not sure what @Pregosaurus is on about....bit of a leap that IMO 🙄 But yes, he does sound v v petty and controlling OP. Tell him to bog off.

The weird thing is when I started getting my lashes and eyebrows done, way before DD, DH could see how much I liked it and it made me feel and actually set up a standing order to cover half of the monthly cost so I could keep it up.

Clunky, totally agree, am constantly amazed at the wankers we read about on here, feel sorry for women who are involved with such tossers

he moaned that me and DD weren’t ready when he came down from his shower because I’d been drying my hair.

Perhaps you should have moaned that DH and DD weren't ready when you came down from drying your hair because he'd been having a shower!

So grateful to be a lesbian. Mumsnet makes me dislike men!

OP tell him to stop being a baby and that's that. You deserve to feel ok about how you look!

He sounds whingey and needy - neither traits are attractive in anyone. Why is he complaining about "having" to help get his child (assuming he is her biological father?) ready? Are his arms and legs painted on? I bet if you washed and dried your hair late at night he'd whinge about that taking time away from being in bed together. It's a slippery slope...

Preggosaurus9 is right, tell him to FTFO, or you'll just shave your head like he does,

He sounds really controlling I wash and dry my hair every 2 days at the most. I also frequently spend a good amount of time shaving, exfoliating and facials etc in the bathroom and don’t go out the door without my make up done. I also get my nails and eyebrows done every so often and my hair cut and coloured every 6 weeks. DH never complains I do have to hurry up my morning routine on a school morning so it takes 30 mins max so tend to get up a bit earlier on hair washing days as we have 3 kids including a very young baby and he has to get to work.

He likes I make an effort but knows I do it for me. I can’t believe your dh is moaning as you want clean hair. This is just the oddest thing to complain about. He needs to step up and get your dd ready if need be.

Your last update does suggest he's heading towards controlling, if not abusive behaviour - you get 'allowed' to do fairly normal things but then criticised for doing them. I was initially a bit on the fence because it can be trying to live with someone who's forever fannying around with their appearance (and, generally, a lot of this high-maintenance shit that women are both expected to do and criticised for doing is actually a total waste of time and money). But some men get weird and nasty about 'beauty' stuff when they have DC because they don't really see women as people: it's the madonna/whore thing, where once you have had his babies, you are supposed to become a selfless, sexless maternal saint...

If your dh liked you he’d want you to do Stuff that make you happy... not just stuff he thinks should make you happy.... he might prioritise going out so encourages that. but for me I want to feel good (eg nails, eyelashes etc) to enjoy going out. I don’t think your dh sees this? He might need a reminder op

How long does it take you? I remember my mum always used to have a go at me for taking so long to get ready! 😂

He may feel you're stuck now you have a baby so he can deprive you of 'luxuries' and it's harder to leave. That standing order he set up? To make you feel like he was GIVING you the lashes when your own money from your own labour was buying it for yourself. So you would thank him for what you did for yourself.

Now you are in his service as mother to his child. You aren't required to be attractive - In fact, better that you aren't now that you are back at work! You might get snapped up by someone else. 🤔

He's controlling and rather manipulative.

I don't think he's moaning about the op washing her hair. He's moaning about the time it's taking.

I can see his point actually. If you are spending 'family time' pampering yourself, then what time do you get to do stuff as a family?

You should schedule things so you both know what's happening with the Saturday appointments