To think we're deluding ourselves over childcare?

[aliteralAIBUforonce]

I have a child who goes to nursery one day a week. I am very lucky that I can go part time and family have the rest of the time.

He's been doing this since he was 11 months and I hate it. He doesn't dislike it but he doesn't look forward to it either. A couple of times o have dropped him off then had to duck back into the cloak room and I've seen him looking rather lost and alone at the breakfast table. Breaks my heart.

A few times when I've been out and about I've seen staff from nurseries taking groups of kids out. They never, ever engage with the kids. Just each other. Bloody joyless experience by the looks of it. Those are the better ones too.

AIBU to think that we're going to see an epidemic of adolescent mental health problems is the next few years?

This is a shit was to bring up our kids.

@fattt (a bit off topic) why a Romanian orphanage in particular??? The Romanian orphanages are not as bad as you think. Do you think that Romania hasn’t changed at all in the last 30 years? :-/

Lisa D76 when you say that some children who are very attached to one person never settle at school and end up with social anxiety or depression, what evidence is this comment is based on please? I'm genuinely interested.

You just picked a crap nursery!
Childcare in some form has always been part of our lives, it used to be just other women in the village, now it is a more organised way. Not wildly different. My kids have all loved their nursery and the staff are very good. They give a lot of attention to the kids and most really do genuinely care for the children. The ofsted rating is a small part of the picture!!

It was to highlight the ridiculousness of stating loved, secure children in day nursery would suffer from ‘attachment disorders’.

Attachment disorders are actually pretty hard to get and reserved for such conditions as were rife in Romanian orphanages some thirty years ago.

I completely agree. Why are we forced back to work as mom's? Why is it no longer the norm for mom's to stay home and raise their own children. I hate paying someone to do a job I want to do less well than I can.
Yes some mom's or dad's want to get away or feel it makes a more well rounded child each to their own, but it's not something we should have to do.
No one can bring up a child better than its own parents.

My boy has been in nursery 4years. He has had a ball! His nursery days have been full of fun, it’s been like a big family.
I have absolutely no regrets and certainly don’t think that his mental health will be impacted as a result of nursery!! In fact it’s given him a great start in life.
It sounds like you have picked the wrong nursery.

Why is it no longer the norm for mom's to stay home and raise their own children.

Throughout history, mothers nearly always worked in one way or another. Staying at home with children is a relatively new thing.
By the way, working mothers also ‘raise their own children’.

I’d say that the epidemic in teen mental health relates to the internet and social media rather than childcare choices. I’d hate to be a teen nowadays everyone has a camera on their phone to catch every embarrassing situation, there’s pressure on boys and girls to look they they’ve just left love island. The list goes on!

Who is ‘forcing’ you back to work@Fbnick? Is there a compulsory back to work squad that frogmarches you back to your desk? Several people on the thread have identified themselves as current or former SAHMs — did they have to bribe someone to be taken off the list?

@Camomila Snap! I'm always saying what I'm doing in case people think I'm a bad parent.

And it’s not just nurseries it continues at school
When they go to morning and after school club. My son was so
Miserable in after school
Club I had to change my hours as it was having such a bad
Impact upon our home
Life.

Both my kids went to nursery and loved it. Well adjusted teenagers now.
Your child doesn't actually go enough to form any meaningful trusting relationships. The distance of 1 day to the next day a week later is a lifetime to a child.
Adults who work one day a week struggle and you are expecting a child to be ok with it. Nursery is a community and if you are going to use nurseries, you have to think about it like that.

@emmakc1977 I think you've hit the nail on the head there! Social media and the internet is the worst thing for teenagers and their mental health. I'm terrified of what my DD will grow up seeing online.

I was raised by a largely uninterested SAHM, who shouted, swore, and smacked us. Pretty sure that's worse for someone's MH than being surrounded by friends and trained adults.

I feel like people love to support the "it takes a village to raise a child" idea. Until you are someone who pays for your "village", and then you're destroying your sacred maternal bond.

Blimey.

I gave notice to ours because I wanted to spend our last month together before she started school.

I ended up withdrawing the notice and asking if they could keep her for August because she didn’t want to leave the staff or her friends.

You need a different setting, OP.

I say that as a nursery nurse worker and mother.

You are so painful, I don't know why I'm bothering to communicate. I think I just need to vent. You clearly don't like opinions that are not agreeable with your own twisted one. If you feel all 'institutional' care is bad maybe you should look after your own child, as clearly only you can provide your special child with everything they need. And finally, I would hate to know you personally because I would be locked up for murder.

I choose a childminder over a nursery for the same reason as some of the other mums, DD absolutely loves her and is so happy. So am I. I looked into nurserys and was told by someone in the business that the Ofsted ratings are for the facilities and what the offer not on the staff. Maybe you should find a new nursery or childminder. Good luck x

One day a week is not enough for a child that young to be comfortable enough in the nursery.
I actually increased my daughters to more days at her nursery and she thrived/ loved it better than when she was only going two spaced out days a week

I think that it is difficult to base your childs care on one day a week. It is difficult to settle a child at a nursery or childminder if they only spend one day there. My gc is much more settled now doing 3 days at nursery and only 2 days being cared for by gps. It takes time to build bonds with other adults and children. You can move him if you are really unhappy with that particular nursery or try a childminder. They will probably say same that one day makes settling a child much harder although can be done. My eldest dc went to nursery full time then childminder and is a well grounded socialable adult who loved school, college and uni. My second child spent far more time with me as I worked p/t and is far less confident and not a great mixer and didnt enjoy school or college. Maybe extend number if days at that nursery or change.

OP you only send your child in ONE day a week! He or she is missing out on socialising and forming bonds. 1 day a week isn’t enough to allow them to do that. Other kids will probably be going more than 1 day/week and hence your child probably feels very left out. Stop replying on family for childcare and use just the nursery or visa versa. YABVU. My son loves his preschool and childminder. Don’t tar all childcare with the same brush. It’s very short-sighted of you.

Why is it no longer the norm for mom's to stay home and raise their own children.

Because I wanted to continue my career - I didn’t need to work but I chose to in the same way my DH chose to work at his career. With good parenting and nursery/breakfast/after school clubs, you can do both. I love my family as much as you can love anything but I didn’t want to be a SAHM when I didn’t have to. In the same way I hope my DT’s in the future continue their careers after they have had a family.

Why is it no longer the norm for mom's to stay home and raise their own children.

Why isn't it the norm for men to share childcare responsibilities.

My my dds love nursery. The youngest runs away from me when I go to pick her up! Even if I didn’t work I’d still want them to go to nursery, it’s been so beneficial from a social and educational perspective, and they do so many different things - I wouldn’t have the imagination or the patience to do this with them. The staff are fantastic. Obviously not all nurseries won’t offer the same standard of care, and even the best nurseries may not suit all children, but I think you’re being unreasonable to suggest that nursery is likely to cause issues for the majority of children

I went to nursery from 3 and afternoon playschool with my mum before that. I remember snippets of my time at both. Just snapshots and feelings. I know that I was completely immersed in activities, peers and the equipment. The staff were on zero interest to me. I'd say I have a secure attachment style. I think my friends and family would agree with that. So it could be personality and your DC might be happier with a fantastic childminder. I wanted the big experience, freedom and space.

I think you really have to choose the nursery on your gut feeling not Ofstead rating. I always look to see how the staff are interacting with the children.

I do wonder the same though OP, although I think it depends very much on the nursery and the child.

I do feel grateful that I have been able to look after my own children and use nursery very much part time.

Saying that our chosen nursery is fantastic and my child LOVES it - it has definitely helped him in many ways. He has a lovely group of friends and can read basic words (which is very much their doing).

Hmmmm

My mum had 4 children and was a SAHM, interacted with us all and kept us busy...at least 3 of us have MH issues.

My 'friend' was put their DS to a childminder and was obviously looking down on our 'good' rated nursery for DS. It has been closed down! Now he is with a childminder who comes to her house. I took DS to soft play last week and witnessed her on her phone constantly, so much so at one point she lost the younger sister.

As PP have said, it all depends on the provider. My DS changes between wanting to go and not wanting to go to nursery...perfectly normal. They look after him well and make sure he's learning - good enough for me.