To wonder how I can accept not having a family

109 replies

thisismynameforthispost · 26/08/2019 07:08

Next month, I have another birthday.

I had a chance conversation with a friend yesterday and although it was unintentional it did make me realise that in all honesty, having children is now highly unlikely.

The problem is, it’s been all I’ve ever wanted.

How can I learn to accept such a different life?

OP posts:

Timmytoo · 26/08/2019 20:14

I met my DP 4 days before I turned 39 - 7 months ago. I'm now 5 months pregnant and we are getting married after the baby next year. I met him the day I finally opened my eyes and left my ex!

BelulahBlanca · 26/08/2019 20:36

@Skittlenommer You pop up all the time to say how little you want a baby. It seems to occupy a lot of your time.

Skittlenommer · 26/08/2019 20:52

@Skittlenommer You pop up all the time to say how little you want a baby. It seems to occupy a lot of your time

Being childfree by choice means I have copious amounts of free time! I genuinely just can’t get my head around why people do it. I try to understand but as yet I haven’t been able to!

justjuggling · 26/08/2019 22:15

I just wanted to wish you lots of luck OP. Families come in all shapes and sizes (I never expected/wanted to be a single Mum and it took be a while to understand that me and my 2 DC are still a family, albeit not the 2 parent family we started off as!) and I hope you find a way to have a your family, however it looks!

Verily1 · 27/08/2019 05:58

If you have a baby first that doesn’t stop you from later finding a dp and becoming a family.

You are time limited on procreation not partnership.

Why do you assume having a baby would mean you would be single forever?

MrsSchadenfreude · 27/08/2019 06:32

Why are you so sure that you need a support network to adopt? A friend adopted her daughter with no difficulty - both her parents are dead and her sister lives abroad.

ImogenTubbs · 27/08/2019 07:12

OP - are you afraid of how you would feel and cope with things if you tried sperm donor/ adoption and they failed? It does sound from this thread that you are making excuses to prevent yourself from trying different routes in case they go wrong (which I have a lot of sympathy for). There are many ways of making a family. Alternatively you could do what my friend did at 39 - after years of single life she joined a proper old fashioned dating agency and met the man of her dreams with whom she now has an adorable baby. It's not been an easy path for them but it's what she really wanted so she kept pushing.

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 27/08/2019 07:49

If you really want to accept it you have to stop dwelling on the disappointment and find something to get ‘re-appointed’ with. So that your thought life and time and energy is spent elsewhere not on the ‘what hasn’t been’ - and is spent on something positive and real.

Ted27 · 27/08/2019 17:33

@MrsSchadenfreude I'm a single adopter and you do absolutely need a support network. It does not have to be family or extensive - but you do need emotional and practical support.

There are so many of these posts at the moment and they follow predictable pattern, people offer suggestions advice, the poster puts up barrier after barrier about why they can't adopt, do IVF or whatever.
I was 40 when I decided I wanted to adopt. However, my finances werent great, I had a job I loved but wasn't going to work for as a single mum. It took me two years to get into a position where I was confident about applying and it all worked out.
Finances and jobs can be fixed, support networks can be developed.
There are lots of options available to women now, if you really want it you will find a way to make it happen.

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