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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cringe when I hear 'Do you fancy going up for a cuddle?'

86 replies

SillySallySue · 25/08/2019 22:46

Just this really. My DH is ALWAYS pestering me for sex. Don't get me wrong, I like sex fairly frequently but he's so persistent when HE wants it, it actually puts me off, which annoys me in itself as I like sex. The worst part is when he says stuff like "Do you fancy a cuddle?" - There's no cuddling involved and what he actually means is "I want sex now".

Our 7 month old DS is teething, so naturally bless him, he's a bit pissed off with the world. We ended up finally getting tea at 10 and after I'd finished I let out a sigh and said "Man I'm beat" - he gave it 5 minutes before he came over and started groping me!

I quickly tried to make chit chat - so obviously I almost started cringing at myself lol - hoping he'd get the hint! He replied "Mmm" to what I said and then delivered the cringey "cuddle line"

I find it so un attractive! I don't know what I find more unattractive - him being so oblivious to the fact that I'm not up for it right now or his lack of... I don't know.

OP posts:
TanyaChix · 25/08/2019 22:59

Nope, YANBU. He’s treating you a bit like a back scratcher that he can just grab hold of and scratch his itch with. Might be good to tell him that. Eg - I’ve got a boiling hot pan of carrots in my hand - could we at least have some build up?

KeepStill · 25/08/2019 23:02

If I were a raging nymphomaniac being approached by the most beautiful man in the world, the request for a ‘cuddle’ would make my libido switch off and emigrate.

Ravenblack · 25/08/2019 23:07

@SillySallySue

YANBU. It pisses me off too.

As does groping your arse, and grabbing your tits. And thinking it's a turn on to have your nipples tweaked! My ex used to think nothing was more of a turn on than his squeezing my tits really hard and shoving his tongue in my ear.

Some men are utterly clueless.

Livedandlearned · 25/08/2019 23:09

God yeah, some of the stuff my dh very occasionally does makes me want to burst out laughing, which would obviously ruin the moment. But where do some men get their moves from??!

Skittlenommer · 25/08/2019 23:14

Every time he says it take him literally and give him and actual cuddle! Nothing more!Grin

Elieza · 25/08/2019 23:19

I hate when guys do that. Dude say what you mean FFS.
It’s annoying because if I want an actual cuddle, if I ask there could be confusion because in his head he’s hearing cuddle but in his trousers he’s hearing woohoo and that isn’t what I meant at all, I just wanted a fully clothes snuggle with no other action whatsoever. Sigh.

SpaceDinosaur · 25/08/2019 23:28

"No" is a complete sentence.

I also adopt "dude, fuck the fuck off"
"Do you wanna gym sock"
and my personal fave "I'm sorry, I just died. Don't be one of those weirdos"

My DH works shifts and of late we have been stupidly out of sync with each other. It's depressing but 7am when I'm waiting for DD to come in is not inspiring

Original poster
SillySallySue · 26/08/2019 00:14

@SpaceDinosaur Yeah. I've had that recently - along with "Let's do it quick before they come in" Confused

@Elieza I know what you mean!

@Skittlenommer Ha ha! I have literally done that a few times!

@Livedandlearned It's like watching one of those cringey 50s films when the skeezy American jock puts his arm around the unsuspecting good girls shoulders - at the drive in movie - obviously Grin

@Ravenblack DH probably wouldn't mind but I wouldn't dream of just grabbing him. There's a time and a place.

@KeepStill I find myself doing inner eye rolls!

@TanyaChix A lot of men don't seem to get that we need build up! We aren't light switches! Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'll just be really up for it but even then I need a bit of something!

OP posts:
Andysbestadventure · 26/08/2019 00:21

Why are you making 'chit chat' instead of just saying 'do you mind not touching me right now?'

Original poster
SillySallySue · 26/08/2019 00:26

@Andysbestadventure I feel like a bit of a bitch being that frank - which I know is silly!

OP posts:
SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 26/08/2019 00:30

I don't think men realise that (most) women prefer to be clean, relaxed, not worn out and not anxious about anything before sex is acceptable.

If my DH makes a move when I'm not in the mood I just tell him.

He doesn't pester me the way your DH pesters you. I would find it a huge turn-off.

But you do need to tell him. It's the only way.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 26/08/2019 00:32

@SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum I have told him! We had a conversation about it a few weeks ago!

OP posts:
GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 26/08/2019 00:33

That phrase is cringe but him being a revolting sex pest using you as a hole is way, way worse.
Why would you calmly stating your boundaries (I don't want to be touched right now) somehow be a "bitch" but him crawling all over you and demanding sex anytime is oh so normal and acceptable in your relationship? Yuk.
He may be a lost cause, some men are, but you at least need to be frank and communicate that his behaviour is putting you off in the first place. See if he changes. If not, he has no respect for your body autonomy. Is that ok with you?

Andysbestadventure · 26/08/2019 00:33

No @sillysallysue you need to tell him in the moment. Not weeks ago.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 26/08/2019 00:34

Well SillySallySue I think the only answer is just to give him a firm reply when he says "Do you fancy a cuddle" and that reply is "Not at the moment or until I've had a shower and had a night's sleep"

Or whatever floats your boat.

If my DH asked for a cuddle I would think he had gone mad.

Fairenuff · 26/08/2019 00:43

I think it's odd that you don't tell him that you don't like it. Why do you feel you have to avoid it or be polite. Tell him it makes you cringe.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/08/2019 00:49

Well youve got to tell him how you really feel about it.

Or, you could say 'mmm that sounds good- you sort out the baby, I'll just go upstairs and get ready...' Go to bed, find comfiest pyjamas and book, arrange all pillows around you for optimum comfort then after he has dealt with the baby call him and tell him you're ready for him to cuddle you now.

timshelthechoice · 26/08/2019 01:10

FFS, tell him! Why are you hinting? 'STOP groping me! I don't like it.' 'Stop asking me for a cuddle when you want to pester me for sex.' 'I don't want sex right now.' 'It's a turn off when you grope me.' 'If I tell you I'm tired it means I don't want sex.'

1forAll74 · 26/08/2019 01:13

OH yes, that's very cringey and horrible. I actually hate the word cuddle anyway. And it must be horrible.when a man pesters you for sex.

Toneitdown · 26/08/2019 01:55

Tell him it's a turn off when he does that. Tell him what you'd like instead.

He needs to chill out a bit, you have a baby, you're hardly going to be mad keen for it every night!

JudgeLinda · 26/08/2019 02:07

Men have no idea how to treat women.

Tell him to speak to you with respect or he won't be having sex for months.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 26/08/2019 03:26

“Stop groping me, I don’t want sex right now. And if you keep calling it a fucking cuddle I’ll probably never want it again.”

You’re welcome.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/08/2019 03:31

Why you aren't being crystal clear as to how much of a turn off it is is beyond me. I would be telling my husband sex will be completely off the table if he doesn't stop being such a fucking pig.

Bobismyfriend · 26/08/2019 03:57

The cuddle thing is soooooo cringey and would make me dry up immediately

TheKarateKitty · 26/08/2019 04:42

The title alone made me cringe! Are ybu? No ma’am!

Maybe next time he says that, tell him, “you mean sex, not a ‘cuddle.’ No, I don’t want to have sex. I am anything other than in the mood for sex.” Same with the groping.