Would you like another woman taking over your kitchen?

[feellikeanoldbag]

Long story so won't bore you but a situation arose last week where one of my kids - all 4 kids still at home and over 25 - told me his Gf was cooking for us that evening - she'll only eat certain foods shall we say! Anyway, I became very unreasonably paralytic with rage (without showing it) as I didn't want another female controlling my kitchen. I don't mind anyone just helping a little but not taking full control. Have only told Dh who thinks I'm unhinged so he doesn't count but AIBU?

Yes, weird and controlling. And calling her “a female” also sounds odd. It’s the family kitchen - not yours. And your DS is family.

Does the girlfriend live with you also? If not, I can see why your back is up, especially as a third party (your son, her boyfriend) delivered the news.

If she does live with you then it's also her kitchen surely?

I'd be bloody thrilled if someone took over 'my kitchen'. Heck, I'll take anyone. Drag em in off the street if need be.

YABU.

Did you NC for this OP or have you just joined to vent your fury??

If it would have been your DH's mistress cooking a meal for the 2 of them, yanbu. But your son's gf doing a dinner, yabu and strange. What's (the worst that )can happen? 🤔

YABU. I agree with your DH.

Btw, is he allowed in 'your' kitchen?

Red?

It sounds like she wants to treat you all, and yes, she’s probably aware feeding her can be a bit of a PITA as she is fussy.

I do hope this is just a weird kitchen fetish and you aren’t in training to be the MIL from hell, bristling at females helping themselves to your boys; getting uppity ideas about how to spend Christmas with your sons and other such nonsense.

We all have unreasonable reactions sometimes, it's part of being human. It's not helpful to label someone weird because of this.

Morgan12

You’re going to be the MIL from hell. My DIL cooks amazing Turkish food in OUR kitchen often and she’s most welcome. My SIL cooks traditional Greek food OUR kitchen (he’s not as welcome as he’s a messy cook 😂) Sit back and enjoy OP.

Unhinged. Sorry!

Being paralytic with rage sounds absolutely hilarious in this situation! She was cooking a meal, not stealing your bed and shagging your husband.

What if it was your DS rather than his girlfriend who'd offered to cook a meal - would that be ok? If so, can you explain why this is different? If not, do you really mean that your DS (or any of your other DC) has never cooked a meal in the house he lives in?!

I hate it when people unload the dishwasher because they put stuff away in the wrong place, or if they use my herbs and put them back in non alphabetical order. I get a bit on edge when people use my non-stick pans, just in case they use metal implements in them. But I was quite happy for my MIL to cook in my kitchen, and I'm sure she'd be happy for me to cook in hers. My sister also commandeers it when she visits. She's a kitchen nazi, but will let me cook in her kitchen.
And, shock horror, my DH sometimes cooks too because it's our kitchen.

There must be something deeper if you were paralytic with rage. Do you not have a good relationship with your DS's girlfriend? Or are you maybe upset that your cooking isn't to her liking? She was probably being polite, thinking it was easier to do the cooking than to have you make something specially for her.

I would like someone to cook for me to be honest! As long as it was left clean (although if someone else was cooking I'd offer to help) and nothing gets broken which I don't see why it would, relax and try to enjoy it. Would it bother you if a man came in and offered to cook? Or is it because you see the kitchen as a womans place

How funny! How are children meant to learn to cater for themselves and others? How are spouses and partners meant to feel comfortable in your house?
Have you never had to move houses for a supper party because of a power cut? Or do a pot luck because of a powerful cut?

You sound like my ex MIL. I can guarantee that your sons GF really doesn't want to burden you with her food issues and is trying to earn your love and or respect by doing something she thinks is a nice gesture.

My ex MIL FLIPPED when I made ex's lunch one morning.. She said it was her job and got really aggressive with me after that. He was 22, I was 20 and we lived together in my home (not with my parents) but ex had to stop by her house before work every day to collect his lunch. She also freaked out whenever I tried to clean up the plates or do the dishes after we'd had a meal with her. She didn't like me in her kitchen one bit. I'd offer to help her with the cleaning but it was always met with a death stare, no words just a stare.

Don't be that woman.

I felt the same when DSD decided she was going to cook one night. I was raging and just wanted her the hell out of my kitchen. It didn't help that after much deliberation she decided that she wouldn't be able to make tacos without first being chauffeured to a supermarket in the next town to buy pre-sliced peppers because she didn't know how to slice a pepper, and DH willingly obliged.

agree with your DH 😂😂😂

Jesus you sound nuts.
‘Your kitchen’. I take it you view it as a ‘woman’s place’ too? Is your husband allowed? Do you beat people with a broom who approach the boundary?

Well I'd be annoyed at being told I must sit and eat whatever random concoction the gf had decided to make for me if I had other plans or didn't like the menu, but then I'm a grown woman and can say actually DS I have plans or I really don't want spout soup you you guys have the kitchen at X time and I'll cook for me as usual.

However assuming he wasn't dictating and assuming the food was edible, I'd only insist DS did the washing up afterwards.

Becoming so angry that a WOMAN cooked a meal in YOIR KITCHEN is frankly ridiculous. What if its was DC's boyfriend? I assume DH isn't allowed in there? Does shagging your husband come attached to using your oven?

Does shagging your husband come attached to using your oven?

If your son was gay would you be fine with a male taking over the kitchen?

If you would, then this is more about you and how you feel towards women. And have the makings of a nightmare mil.

If not, wtf does her sex have to do with anything?

Theres so much wrong here like

How is it your kitchen?
Is it not the family kitchen?
Do you usually react by someone trying to do something nice, in such a way?
And do you plan on moving g past this before you become a subject of a mil post here in years to come?

I felt the same when DSD decided she was going to cook one night. I was raging and just wanted her the hell out of my kitchen that's even worse imo. I assume your DH lives there and so by extention it's your DSD's home too and she's not allowed to cook a meal in it.