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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents next door neighbour asking for money towards new fence

119 replies

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 25/08/2019 17:21

My mum and dad are in their 80's and live in a housing association house, they live on their state pension and don't have have any savings.

Their next door neighbours are a nice couple in their 30's who own their home and have made lots of improvements with a view to selling their property. As part of the improvements they have replaced their back garden fencing, this was more of a cosmetic improvement as previously the old fence was not broken or damaged but was about 10 years old.

Last week after the fence had been replaced the neighbour knocked on my parents door and asked if they would contribute £100 towards the new fence. The neighbour on the other side of their property who is currently in the process of purchasing their home of the local housing association has already agreed to pay £100. The person at the back of their property has not been asked to contribute as the neighbour has said they don't know them. My mum was a bit flustered and said she would have to discuss it with my dad and no further conversation has taken place.

I completely understand that it is common for neighbours to decide to share the cost for things such as this however my mum and dad really don't have the money. Mum feels really embarrassed at having to explain this to their neighbours. I have said she doesn't have to explain her decision and can just say no with no further details needed but she doesn't feel she can do this.

The neighbours will see a return on their investment when they sell their property but my mum and dad won't. The neighbours are aware that my mum and dad don't own their property.

Mum and dad are keen to keep a good neighbourly relationship and don't want their to be any animosity over this issue. At 86 my mum does tend to let things like this worry her and she is fretting that if she does not contribute it will cause some bad feeling.

I'm sure that the neighbours didn't mean to cause any issue but by knocking on my mum and dads door to ask directly for the money after the fence was already fitted it has placed my parents in an awkward situation.

WIBU to go and see the neighbours on my parents behalf and politely explain that my parents will not be contributing £100 or any other amount to their new fence?

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 25/08/2019 17:38

I would go and speak to the neighbours. Remind them that your parents don't own the property and had no interest in the fence being replaced.

AwkwardSquad · 25/08/2019 17:38

Your parents don't even own the property. Tell the neighbour to approach the owner, not the tenant - and get it on record at the HA that none of you agreed or promised anything and the work was done without your knowledge.

Good advice from Coffeeandchocolate9

bodgeitandscarper · 25/08/2019 17:41

Definitely go round on your parents behalf, just say that as tenants they aren't in a position to contribute and they need to contact the HA.

The fact that they are asking after the event is their own stupid fault, they've obviously assumed that everyone would cough up, cheeky so and so's!

TSSDNCOP · 25/08/2019 17:42

My mum came round the other day with exactly the same dilemma. She’s a widow and the NDN is on to her about “chipping in” for all manner of home improvements he’s got planned.

We’ve trained her to say:

“No, Dave, I don’t want to. Goodbye.”

Grin
Nanny0gg · 25/08/2019 17:42

Also tell them it's best not getting expensive work done and asking for contributions after the event.

Podwoman888 · 25/08/2019 17:45

It should say on the deeds of the property/rental agreement who is responsible for maintaining what.

If it is a shared boundary then they'll just have to stump up and pay.

If not then they don't.

Personally I think the neighbours have a brassed-neck cheek.

stucknoue · 25/08/2019 17:47

Just say no

perplexedagain · 25/08/2019 17:47

I would just go round and say 'my mum and dad won't be contributing to the cost of the fence as they were happy with the one that was already up. Please don't mention this to them again.'

ivykaty44 · 25/08/2019 17:48

They changed a perfectly good fence, their choice and their money.

Tell the neighbours not to be bother OAPs for money as it’s unfair, apart from taking the mickey

If they are selling up they won’t be there much longer so your mum need not worry

BlockedAndDeleted · 25/08/2019 17:48

How upsetting for your M&D.

Politely tell neighbours to direct all house queries to the HA in future and to not doorstep Octogenarians.

perplexedagain · 25/08/2019 17:48

And by the way even if the deeds say it is 50/50 ownership they do not have to pay as it is a HA property and nothing was discussed with them in advance or 3 quotations supplied etc

TrainspottingWelsh · 25/08/2019 17:48

Yanbu. They aren’t nice, they are taking the piss. And with neighbours of your parents age anyone that genuinely thought it was reasonable to ask would have tried to approach it when other family were there because regardless of whether they are vulnerable or not, decent people don’t generally want to think someone that age might have felt pressurised into agreeing.

Original poster
SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 25/08/2019 17:49

Thanks for the unanimous decision.

I think mum and dad do feel a bit intimidated to be honest.

It was the lady neighbour who knocked and asked for the money. Her husband is a big burly ex forces guy who now works in personal protection in the Middle East so can look a bit intimidating without meaning to even when he is duty. They have always been good neighbours and my mum and dad frequently take parcels in for them and always say hello to them in passing and have a little chit chat to them. Mum has actively been avoiding them since last week and dad is just saying they should try to pay the money to keep them happy but I have explained this is unfair.

I will knock round tomorrow and have a discreet word with them.

OP posts:
Puffthemagicdragongoestobed · 25/08/2019 17:50

We replaced the fences on both sides of the garden of our terraced house a few years ago. Fences on both sides were knackered. We approached both neighbours prior to the works to discuss the plans. We told them we would cover all the costs as we didn’t want a dispute and just wanted to get the work done. As it happened both sets of neighbours insisted to make a contribution towards the costs.

Your parents’ neighbours are being cheekey.

FrancisCrawford · 25/08/2019 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2019 17:52

The neighbours are aware that my mum and dad don't own their property.

Then they’re completely out of order to even ask!

I would also go round myself. You can explain politely that as your mum and Dad are HA tenants the fence isn’t their responsibility, and they’re worried saying no will cause bad feeling but that you’ve reassured them OF COURSE there wouldn’t be any bad feeling as OF COURSE the neighbours mustn’t have remembered they’re just tenants. So perhaps neighbours could just pop round sometime soon to reassure Mum & Dad it was all a mistake, silly them...

Letthemysterybe · 25/08/2019 17:52

Absolutely knock on their door. I don’t know what your parents’ housing officer is like, but my sister is a housing officer and she would definitely knock on the neighbours’ door on behalf of your parents.

MouthyHarpy · 25/08/2019 17:53

WIBU to go and see the neighbours on my parents behalf and politely explain that my parents will not be contributing £100 or any other amount to their new fence?

No, not at all!

If the neighbours wanted a contribution, to replace a perfectly workable fence, then they needed to ask first.

And if your parents don't own the house they live in, then it is Not.Their.Responsibility.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 25/08/2019 17:54

They probably think that your parents are part of the supposedly well-off older generation and have loads of spare hundred quids lying about.

Abouttoblow · 25/08/2019 17:54

Tell them to contact the HA if they want a contribution. It's nothing to do with your parents. They don't own the house..or the fence. CF's.

x2boys · 25/08/2019 17:57

The neighbours are being really cheeky ,my housing association however generally expects us to pay for our own fences ,despite not owning the houses so that doubt the neighbours could ask the housing association to pay.

Knittedfairies · 25/08/2019 17:57

I'd tell the neighbours that you will be contacting the housing association for help if they continue to ask for a contribution.

BlockedAndDeleted · 25/08/2019 17:58

I don’t know what your parents’ housing officer is like, but my sister is a housing officer and she would definitely knock on the neighbours’ door on behalf of your parents.

This is a good idea, can you ask the HA to introduce themselves to the ‘nice’ neighbours?

TheWernethWife · 25/08/2019 17:58

The Cheeky Fuckers! I'm astonished that anyone would expect elderly neighbours to pay towards their home improvements, entitled or what. They should be ashamed.

Mammatino · 25/08/2019 17:59

How upsetting for M&D. People are absolutely awful. CF's. My dad's neighbour knocked over an adjoining fence (that was his responsibility), he just left it. So dad paid for it to be replaced. Then the CF creosoted his side and splashed it all through the slats and ruined a beautiful ans very expensive fence. He's a proper twat though.