To think this level of over- protection is ridiculous.

[ScottishJo31]

My auntie ( single parent ) has two daughters... eldest is 31, youngest is 24, both still live at home. My auntie does everything for them, all their washing, ironing, cooking, shopping and even cleans their bedrooms.
The girls are NT with no health issues. One works part time one doesn’t work at all... she never has. The oldest has had boyfriends and has a social life whilst the youngest does everything with her mum and rarely leaves the house without her. My auntie works full time and has a number of friends, her friends have been encouraging her to go for weekends away and she has always refused.. however last weekend she went to a spa weekend but she ended up cutting the trip short as she was missing her daughter and was crying because she had left her overnight for the first time!!!

I am absolutely flabbergasted and don’t think the dynamics are very healthy at all. She expected my mum ( her sister) and me to sympathise and got upset when we said she has to cut the apron strings for all their benefits... she is now refusing to speak to us!!! Were we wrong to share our thoughts with her?

Sounds like codependency is a massive issue. It certainly doesn't sound healthy, but what can you do?

If she wants to do all the cleaning, washings, ironing etc then so be it but to cut a weekend away because she is missing her daughter is ridiculous!

It's not overprotective, just deeply, deeply unhealthy. How did they reach this point?

I’m not sure... she went through a messy divorce when girls were fairly young, the girls dad still saw the girls but was selfish and an alcoholic so the girls never see him now.

God, that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Yes, very unhealthy.

Very unhealthy.

How does the daughter feel about it?

That not over protection that’s codependency and really not healthy. All 3 of them need to strike out on their own and realise some independence. Won’t happen though. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince her.

I think the oldest daughter wants to become more independent and is saving to move out... she went to look at a rental property recently but assumed all the bills were included in the rent and didn’t know what council tax was!!
Youngest does nothing doesn’t lift a finger and is a bright woman but is lazy and enjoys being waited on hand foot and finger.

Massively codependent, it’s not normal to cut short a trip away because you miss your adult children. Maybe she does all of their cooking and cleaning because she likes that they need her.
It’s a real shame, they aren’t experiencing everything (or much of anything) that life has to offer.
Obviously they most likely wouldn’t go for it but they could all benefit from family therapy or similar.

Also her daughters control what she watches on tv..... they will nag and sulk until she gives into them.. despite them
Having TVs in their rooms!

If it works for them, what business is it of yours?

Why don’t they both have full time jobs? It’s crazy that one of them
Has never had a job

It’s all very strange

Very unusual, Scottish, but if they are happy, so be it (I suppose).

My husband has a cousin whose youngest daughter (maybe 41) still lives at home with parents. She does work part time. She lost confidence years ago. They are nice people though, 'mum' doesn't do all her washing and ironing, she cooks and does housework. They harm no one.

I couldn't wait to get out of parents' clutches! My son left home at 'averagey' time but keeps almost daily contact.

Different strokes for different folks.

Yabbers the op was asking a question on a forum where you can talk about stuff, and seeing as the auntie isn't speaking to her about it now, I'd say it is her business.

That sounds like a disaster!

Your role as a parent is to teach your children how to function as adults, doing everything for them is failing them massively.

It sounds disgustingly unhealthy, but not abusive, so none of your fucking business.

Or even Ordinary business!

That sounds seriously fucked up!

Doesn't sound like a very healthy dynamic for anyone really.

The daughters sound like they're just taking the piss, allowing their mum to wait on them hand and foot. But, if she (Aunt) seems happy with that, it's not anyone's place to say otherwise really.

I can definitely see why you think it's strange though, but best maybe to just let them get on with it.

Ridiculous!

I used to work in a Saturday job with twins like this. Nineteen and their mum would come in for morning cuppa, lunch, then afternoon cuppa and walk them home. This was a village with no crime and they lived two minutes away.

They got a place at college, in the nearest city. We had a big leaving party for them, mum sat and cried. They were day students, travelling. They lasted half of the first day. Such a waste for them, lovely girls.

They still live with mum, both thirty odd now.

What a weird set up. Can't believe the daughters haven't broken free. My daughters are about these ages and I really cannot imagine a life like this.

The 24 yr old has never worked; she doesn’t have to her mug of a mother does and is her personal skivvy, god help her if your aunt became ill or died.
Your aunt isn’t being good to them, she’s infantilised them and it’s not healthy, has your mum ever tried to talk to her?

I think it is my business.... no need to swear!!!!! As they are my family and are all being damaged by this set up... my auntie has moaned and cried about them in the past and begged my mum to come and help declutter the youngest daughters room as it smelled and my auntie had run out of crockery and towels! So she had made it our business but has definitely caused a lot of the issues.

Have a copy of Grey Gardens sent to their house.