To think this level of over- protection is ridiculous.

[ScottishJo31]

My auntie ( single parent ) has two daughters... eldest is 31, youngest is 24, both still live at home. My auntie does everything for them, all their washing, ironing, cooking, shopping and even cleans their bedrooms.
The girls are NT with no health issues. One works part time one doesn’t work at all... she never has. The oldest has had boyfriends and has a social life whilst the youngest does everything with her mum and rarely leaves the house without her. My auntie works full time and has a number of friends, her friends have been encouraging her to go for weekends away and she has always refused.. however last weekend she went to a spa weekend but she ended up cutting the trip short as she was missing her daughter and was crying because she had left her overnight for the first time!!!

I am absolutely flabbergasted and don’t think the dynamics are very healthy at all. She expected my mum ( her sister) and me to sympathise and got upset when we said she has to cut the apron strings for all their benefits... she is now refusing to speak to us!!! Were we wrong to share our thoughts with her?

Your Aunt is an abuser. I would suggest trying to speak with the daughters as IMO telling an abuser that there is something wrong will get you nowhere. She has her daughters were she wants them. THey will look after her as she ages. THey will know how to cook and clean alright when it benefits her. My MIL has done this to her son. V sad to see an adult life being wasted like that.

Another one who thinks your aunt is a monster. I know someone with parents like this. She is now 41, has no pension, owns no property and only a part-time job. I worry about how she will cope in her old age. The house is a council house and I am not sure whether she would be allowed to remain if/when they go into care or pass away. Yes, this person has also made choices which have placed her in this position, but the dynamic in the home was the primary cause of that.

We have tried the sympathy card, we have helped her clean and tidy her entire house, we have lent her money, we have listened on the phone whilst she cries and moans... so sorry if some people don’t think I’m sympathetic enough or expect me to stay our of it but this can’t go on.... no one is happy really!

Honestly the one pissing in bowls needs mental health intervention at the very least. Sorry you are going through this.

How old is your aunt? Could she be looking to downsize / go into sheltered accommodation any time soon?

She’s 53 and very healthy so no plans to downsize anytime soon.. house is a small 3 bed terrace and they are literally living on top of each other!

An interesting but nonetheless tragic thread. I noted a post upthread suggested the younger of the two daughters could be classed as a vulnerable adult. If so, could Social Services take a hand ? It appears that, with the best will in the world, family intervention has thus far been ineffective so SS involvement could spearhead the professional attention that is needed here.

It's not healthy. You could be describing my mil and sil, you would honestly think the umbilical cord had never been cut. They whisper in corners, sil has never held a job down, never left home, they do everything together, all down to my sil. This literally started when she was 5 when mil had to get a job at school as she didn't like her mum leaving her and she pandered to her. Now mid thirties she will never leave, never have a relationship , kids etc.