To have hated ‘This is going to hurt’ by Adam Kay?

[SweetMelodies]

Just that really. So many recommendations to read it from others, it seems to have so much praise and is a number 1 seller.

I like to think I have a good sense of humour and sometimes a pretty dark one at that but I just found the book absolutely dripping in misogyny. Sure it IS well-written and he is obviously a very talented writer and some bits were indeed funny... but a lot of it really turned my stomach, the language, the way he speaks about women, his really narrow-minded attitude towards birth that isn’t evidence-based at all, just based the very limited picture of birth he has. He clearly puts the women in a category of ‘other’ and ‘less than’.

I did feel terrible for him having experienced the dreadful situation at the end and it did highlight how overworked drs can be... but at the same time I think the language and attitudes displayed in it really summarised the paternal and disrespectful attitudes in the maternity system that lead to so many women traumatised by childbirth.

Despite this I appear to be completely alone in this way of thinking, did anyone else not get a great feel from this (or parts of this) book?

I really enjoyed it, I laughed, a lot! I was also very saddened by some stories. It gives a glimpse of how overworked and understaffed the NHS is. I also thought he came across as a caring doctor.
My niece is in her last year as a student midwife and she enjoyed it.

Bertrand “I think that is massively unfair”

That made me laugh. I’m not obliged to buy anyone’s book.

It does make me think that many midwives probably have a better and more realistic picture of birth than a lot of obstetricians. They see the theatre births and CS births AND the water births/home births/intervention-free hospital births.

I think that’s probably reflected in the fact female obstetricians are more likely to choose a non-medically needed planned CS but midwives are not.

Book sales + show, he must be going for whatever sells.

Does that mean that you think it's impossible for anyone to write a book with any motive but profit?

Totally agree and relieved to hear somebody else say it. It was the bits about childbirth. Patronising and ‘pat on the head’ style about women who might actually have a view on how they want their bodies treated.

PS I have a lot of loved ones in the NHS. I only thought about the book because my GP liked it so much.

think that is massively unfair

Agreed. Callous lack of empathy for what he has been through. The man has PTSD symptoms as a result.

Another who didn't really care for it here. In fact I gave up half way through. Honestly never laughed once.
Really wanted to love it as it was a gift from my son in law who loved it.
I'll finish it one day, maybe.

I think that’s probably reflected in the fact female obstetricians are more likely to choose a non-medically needed planned CS but midwives are not.

Well, how you read that fact is very dependent on your point of view. It's used a lot to support the idea that caesareans on maternal request should be a lot easier to request and (even though I personally had a pretty straightforward vaginal birth and very much didn't want a C section) I can see why

Yes! Comparing womens bodies to drains/sewers, that kind of thing.

Also complete lack of understanding that his view of childbirth might be due to only seeing medicalised births and that actually a lot of what goes wrong during them might never happen at home due to being - less medicalised.

I loved the book too, and didn't notice any misogyny. I'll have to re-read it.

Also complete lack of understanding that his view of childbirth might be due to only seeing medicalised births and that actually a lot of what goes wrong during them might never happen at home due to being - less medicalised.

Again, I don't know how you can read to the end of the book - the bit where he quits, in part, because he knows he's performing too many caesareans due to his own PTSD anxiety - and think he doesn't know that.

I enjoyed the book but I certainly DID find the way he spoke about geriatric women and their physical ailments offensive. Seemed a bit like yeah I bring new life into the world but don't bring me your yucky old lady parts.

It does make me think that many midwives probably have a better and more realistic picture of birth than a lot of obstetricians. They see the theatre births and CS births AND the water births/home births/intervention-free hospital births.

You could equally argue that midwives have an unrealistic view of birth because they're not the ones with ultimate responsibility when the shit really hits the fan.

He could only write about his experience, his training and what happened to him. At no point does he say that it’s right or good or how it should be. That’s the point!

I read this shortly after giving birth and I really enjoyed it and even recommended it to others!
Hope none of them thought why has she recommended this, it comes across awful.

I'm pregnant again and would reread! I cant wait for his next book!

@NewAccount I feel very strongly that women should be easily able to access maternal request c-sections (a very important step in women having true control and agency with their birth choices imo) but I still think it is very interesting that midwives who have a clearer picture of birth overall are more likely to aim for a VB than the obstetricians they work alongside. Makes me wonder whether trainee obgyns should be exposed to a bit more ‘normality’ as part of training

@worriedabouttray
But they still witness and observe and participate in all the CS and forceps and so on. The drs get the little picture of ONLY the births that needed intervention whereas midwives see it all.

“Makes me wonder whether trainee obgyns should be exposed to a bit more ‘normality’ as part of training”

I’m sure Kay would agree.

Again, I don't know how you can read to the end of the book - the bit where he quits, in part, because he knows he's performing too many caesareans due to his own PTSD anxiety - and think he doesn't know that.

It doesn’t negate the way he talks about women prior to that, it’s not the events he’s describing but rather his throwaway comments about the women’s point of view in those situations.

I liked it and could see no misogyny.

I did have a couple of traumatic births. Still can't see what you see, but maybe that is because I don't subscribe to things like birth plans and saw no point in bothering to write them.

I thought he deliberately wrote it like that so he wasn’t glossing over how removed from ‘normal’ birth his training had made him. The doctor it made him wasn’t the doctor he’d wanted to become so that’s why he gave up.
He isn’t saying that’s the right way to be, or trying to justify a dismissive attitude.

“It doesn’t negate the way he talks about women prior to that, it’s not the events he’s describing but rather his throwaway comments about the women’s point of view in those situations”
Are you expecting him to lie about the culture he was part of and the training he got? That’s all stuff he thinks should change.

I don’t think all of it is strictly true- the bit about the ‘heart rate with 60 beats per minute’ is apparently a v old and tired urban myth/joke. So there will be imaginary bits inserted in as well as exaggerated situations.

I felt exactly the same.