Aibu on flight

[perroy]

I was on an plane today. Family of four were travelling. One child with father in the seat in front of me and mother with another child in the seat behind me. Children were shouting, beeping a fictitious horn, making motor noises all through the flight. The parents were tickling them and making them squeal with laughter. It was a plane full of children and this family was noisy throughout the flight. All the other children had settled down in some time.

After the fifth time the child with the mother had got up on his seat and squealed in my ear I turned around and said SSSh quiet to the child.

The mother used profanities, showed me the finger and told me her child was only two.

Was I wrong to address the child when the parents were not taking any efforts to settle the children?

@SiberianCake
Are you being deliberately obtuse to push your agenda?
It has been pointed out repeatedly that the parents were NOT trying to sshh they were ENCOURAGING the shrieking!
Now you’ve established how hard done you are, there are many parents here with SEN kids who would never dream of encouraging loud, rude behaviour but somehow you can’t separate this.
You are doing your own SEN kids a disservice by labelling every badly behaved child SEN, some kids are just brats with bratty parents.

YANBU at all

You are doing your own SEN kids a disservice by labelling every badly behaved child SEN, some kids are just brats with bratty parents.

And some people just make stupid posts.

If you turn round to anyone and say “SHHHH” it’s fairly abrasive and rude. What’s wrong with asking the child to be quiet?

Yeah fair point I suppose.

In my mind I'm thinking more of a friendly "Shhhh!" with a bit of an over exaggerated comical face.

But of course that's just me and how I would do it, so I see what you mean.

First off, 10/10 for Mumsyox. Nice one. Keep it coming.

And - in what twisted alternative universe is it unacceptable to talk to someone else's child? Fuck me, I do that ALL THE TIME. Almost always nicely. I mean, I'm not taking them by the hand and leading them down dark alleys to talk to them. But who said it wasn't allowed to talk to children in front of their parents?

I have a DS with severe autism. He can be an utter bugger on a plane. TBH I rely on the goodwill and understanding of the general public whenever we leave the house and usually I get it because most people are nice, but if he'd stood on an airline seat and shrilled down some poor sod's earhole I think that poor sod would have been COMPLETELY justified in shushing him. And given that I don't really want my child's SEN-related behavioural issues to make everyone else's lives as miserable as ours sometimes are, I would do my best to contain him and distract/persuade/bribe him quieter. But would try to understand if another adult shushed him.

Toddlers are twerps. Parents can forget this sometimes. YANBU

I don't think you were unreasonable, I don't think parents have some kind of right to be the only communication with their children when they're in public, but I don't think it's the sort of thing that's likely to be effective. A word with the parents first or possibly the flight attendants holds more promise. When it comes down to it, though, you can't change asshole parents into decent ones and that's what would be needed. A shush to a 2 year old who is allowed or even encouraged to engage in noisy behavior on a plane ride isn't going to make them quiet for long.

Not so much a 'comical' face but an exaggerated 'My ears are hurting face', but friendly none the less.

I really can't explain what I mean in typing

Well done OP! People who can’t and won’t control their kids infuriate me. More and more these days I am telling them myself because their permissive, irritating, self indulgent parents won’t. They create awful monsters no one likes. It’s very sad.

Are you a SN advocate or what.

Does that bother you?

dickhead!

I guess it does. Oh well, I give no fucks. I hope the rest of your day is as wonderful as you are.

Problem is, if a child is behaving badly and the parent is making no effort to sort it, you pretty much know there is no point approaching the parent as that sort of parent is not going to listen to you. You usually find poorly behaved children are the way they are because of poor parenting.

I would prefer a laughing, squealing child to one crying and tantrumming. My son is 2 and I imagine he would behave similarly on a flight which is why we intend to wait till he is 3 and only go short haul. I would have tried the colouring book, you tube for kids or an iPad first but for some kids they do quickly get bored and I would rather he stay in his seat than attempting to run around. If you shushed my child he might cry but would more likely scream louder thinking as you were giving him attention it was a game.

As for not putting up with other peoples children, frankly that is tough on a commercial airline. They have just as much right to be there as you and often can't control their behaviour for long periods however drunken adults.....whole other ball game.

I would try to shush my kids myself though as I find screeching, screaming just as irritating as the next person even if they are my kids. It might not work but I would try!

Shhhh was better than shut the fuck up. Yanbu but you were braver than most

OP, you were most definitely NOT unreasonable in any way, shape or form.

It's clear that the parent of the bratty child could very well be any one of the angry parents on this thread saying otherwise.
Can almost guarantee they'll be haunting the teen boards in the future if they're not there already.

No, YWNBU at all.

I shushed a 6 year old on the bus the other day, for continuously shrieking at the top of his voice as a game (not crying, screaming). His mum wasn’t happy. Reading these replies, it seems like the “it takes a village” thing is officially dead (unless of course there’s a requirement for compassion and tolerance, in which case the village must comply).

YANBU! I would be mighty pissed off ! Screeching down somebody's ear is neither cute nor endearing!

You weren't BU.
Mother sounds like a dick.

OP I wish you were on holiday with me today as I could have done with someone Shssing my teen.
Also much ❤️❤️❤️ to mumsy xxx
I think you may be too nice for mumsnet

KetoWithIF

I understand that but I have been on the receiving end where I felt judged for handing my child an iPad to stay quiet. Like sometimes I feel like parents cannot win, we are always horrible, and never as good as other people's rose tinted memories. I don't know this situation specifically because I wasn't there but to be upset over laughter? A horn, fair enough. But she says it's a fictitious one, so I'm guessing they were just blowing air in their hands? I don't know. It doesn't seem like the best situation and if the child literally pulled at her chair or screamed in to her ear, yes I could understand. But she complained about giggling too? Really? I mean, come on, this is all "children should be seen and not heard" ideology. It's bad enough when people are upset about a child's giggling, it's a whole other ballpark if they're actually having a meltdown on the plane. And some people don't care despite parents' best efforts, because we live in a technical instant gratification world and children should be shamed for not being little robots. Yes it's harder sometimes, but I actually think people were more understanding in the past.