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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu on flight

350 replies

perroy · 23/08/2019 20:20

I was on an plane today. Family of four were travelling. One child with father in the seat in front of me and mother with another child in the seat behind me. Children were shouting, beeping a fictitious horn, making motor noises all through the flight. The parents were tickling them and making them squeal with laughter. It was a plane full of children and this family was noisy throughout the flight. All the other children had settled down in some time.

After the fifth time the child with the mother had got up on his seat and squealed in my ear I turned around and said SSSh quiet to the child.

The mother used profanities, showed me the finger and told me her child was only two.

Was I wrong to address the child when the parents were not taking any efforts to settle the children?

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogle · 23/08/2019 22:26

*their behaviour. Bloody autocorrect.

SiberianCake · 23/08/2019 22:27

Bore off, this was not special needs, the parents were encouraging the screeching!
Be a martyr elsewhere

Ok you know far more about their own children? Great! Strangers on a plane know it ALL. All parents will just shush their kids and they will magically shut up, and not scream/cry because they aren't being distracted through play. Yeah, sure. I'm sure the parents have NEVER thought of shushing before. Geniuses of Mumsnet. Hmm

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 22:27

@piggywink god help you
My SIL went in to complain at her daughters report as her teacher put
"Little jane doe is doing brilliantly. With a little extra push in year 3 she will exceed herself."

Apparently that wasn't good enough for SIL - "the little extra push" comment was deemed disrespectful as little Jane works harder than everyone in the whole class!
I just nodded and went home laughing and shaking my head over a glass of gin. Poor teacher

Voulezlou · 23/08/2019 22:28

What you don't do is wait until you're properly riled up and then shhh the child instead. How was your behaviour any better
The OP’s behaviour was actually very calm. A ‘shhh’ is just a simple way to get a child to quieten down without speaking to them. It’s not aggressive or shouting, it’s a calming noise that young children can understand

Voulezlou · 23/08/2019 22:31

because they aren't being distracted through play
There’s nothing wrong with distracting children through playing. Great idea! Just don’t be selfish and encourage your children to ‘play’ as loud as possible by tickling them and allowing them to play with a horn

LaBelleSauvage · 23/08/2019 22:32

YANBU OP. Can't believe people are so offended you shhh'd a persistently screaming toddler.

Toddlers need to learn that the whole world doesn't revolve around them. It's part of growing up and learning to be a normal human, and clearly the parents were completely ineffective.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2019 22:32

What’s with all this ‘shush my child and I’ll kill you’ attitude?

That's exactly what I'd like to know Confused

No wonder some kids turn out to be bloody awful teenagers with a 'You can't say shit to me' type of attitude.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in asking anyone to shhh when they're screaming in your ear and 2 year olds are no exception.

FrancisCrawford · 23/08/2019 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katewhinesalot · 23/08/2019 22:34

I asked a flight attendant to ask the parents to stop a child continuously running up and down the aisle knocking people as they passed. You could even feel the vibrations of them running if you had your eyes closed. Other people turned round and thanked me for speaking up.

The attendant took quite a while to actually say something as he was busy. In the meantime I noticed people from way up the plane turning round with grimaces as the child passed and then the child was literally trying to push a man out of the way who was putting something into the overhead locker. Apparently he was muttering that no child was going to physically move him out of the way. Point is that there were a lot of people unhappy with the situation but nobody dared speak up.

Fortunately after a word was had, it more or less stopped. These people get away with it because people don't want to antagonise volatile idiots.

Ummmim · 23/08/2019 22:36

No wonder there’s so many terribly behaved kids around nowadays.
They think they’re untouchable and that they can behave as they like and the rest of the world has to just accept it.
Doesn’t take a genius to imagine how that kid will turn out with a mother who instils no discipline and a mother who reacts to others by shouting abuse.

Troels · 23/08/2019 22:36

What is it with MN and thinking SN kids don't or can't behave at all. We have SN kids in our family, all grown up now. Neither would have been encouraged to behave this way. Both were taught to be respectful of other people, temper tantrums happened, the parents delt with it. Traveling was managed just fine with preplanning and activites and forewarning.
You do SN childrens parents a diservice when you make out that they are raising kids unable to travel/be in social situations/ go out in public/go too school without disrupting the whole world.
It obviously depends on the childs needs and the family, but the people I've met since I have become an adult have had some really lovely SN kids who seem to do well with their parents when traveling. Yes I have spoken, we've chatted in the lounge waiting for boarding etc and interacted in restaurants and shops.

YummyFoodie · 23/08/2019 22:37

Wow. Didn't realise shushing a noisy child was so controversial. The vulgar behaviour of the mother not so much of a concern. This speaks volumes Wink

tillytoodles1 · 23/08/2019 22:38

EmmiJay, why wouldn't you shush another persons child if they were being loud and causing a nuisance?

Ummmim · 23/08/2019 22:39

We have SN kids in our family, all grown up now. Neither would have been encouraged to behave this way. Both were taught to be respectful of other people, temper tantrums happened, the parents delt with it. Traveling was managed just fine with preplanning and activites and forewarning
You do SN childrens parents a diservice when you make out that they are raising kids unable to travel/be in social situations/ go out in public/go too school without disrupting the whole world
This is a really good point.

LaBelleSauvage · 23/08/2019 22:41

@Troels I completely agree.

We want to give SEN children the best possible chance of having positive social relationships as they grow up. A huge part of this is trying to show them how to behave in public and respect others. This mother did her child a disservice by not intervening when he was being antisocial. How else can he learn?

SiberianCake · 23/08/2019 22:42

What is it with MN and thinking SN kids don't or can't behave at all. We have SN kids in our family, all grown up now. Neither would have been encouraged to behave this way. Both were taught to be respectful of other people, temper tantrums happened, the parents delt with it. Traveling was managed just fine with preplanning and activites and forewarning.

Your child didn't have meltdowns in public. Lucky you. Don't think you know every family's circumstances. If you really had special needs children then you should have seen some children cannot handle things as well as others. Some children are severe when it comes to needing special assistance to not react badly. Some children can't communicate properly. Stop judging other people because your children's needs were less severe that you could take your children on a plane without any reaction. Consider yourself blessed.

YummyFoodie · 23/08/2019 22:42

BTW you should watch 'After Life'. There's a scene in which Ricky Gervais' character handles a disagreement with a certain chubby child brilliantly. Maybe that will put shushing into perspective Grin

Ladymardy · 23/08/2019 22:42

@SiberianCake with an attitude like that, you’re making people think that parents with SN children are inconsiderate and the children with SN are undisciplined and badly behaved. Stop making excuses. Do not encourage bad behaviour SN or not.

IF a child with SN was being disruptive to others but the parents were clearly trying to manage the situation, nobody would have an issue

LaBelleSauvage · 23/08/2019 22:44

P.S. I hope you also shhh'd the mother when she swore

OooErMissus · 23/08/2019 22:48

For God's sake, this place.

Of course you were not being unreasonable to 'ssshhhh' the child. Confused

And as for the Mum responding with the finger and profanities - well, that tells you everything. I'd be ssshhhing her.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 23/08/2019 22:48

The point that everyone is missing is that you approach a parent over the behaviour of a 2 year old. Not the 2 year old. If the parent then does nothing, then shhh away to your heart's content.

SiberianCake · 23/08/2019 22:50

IF a child with SN was being disruptive to others but the parents were clearly trying to manage the situation, nobody would have an issue

No, because I have been the lady with a SN child on the plane. We did everything, iPads, shushing, playing quietly and the woman in front of us (with her own older children) was quite upset to be in front of us. She asked the stewardess to be moved multiple times. Lectured me that she wanted to sleep. She kept attacking me and looking back, staring at us. It was intimidating and honestly, I thought she was batshit. Other people on the plane were sympathetic to us. One lady even passed us the biscuits from her lunch handed by the flight attendant because it was the only thing my son would eat. My son reacted badly and cried during takeoff/landing since it bothered his ears and we tried to get him to swallow water or milk but he wouldn't. We had no choice but to fly because my parents are disabled. Dealing with that woman trying to intimidate us because my son cried was the worst thing and I felt like we were being harassed.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2019 22:53

The point that everyone is missing is that you approach a parent over the behaviour of a 2 year old. Not the 2 year old. If the parent then does nothing, then shhh away to your heart's content.

And when did this 'rule' come in?

Do we all have to stick to it? I didn't get the memo.

I'll quite happily shhh any child who screams in my ear and expect any decent parent to be ok with that, which to be fair in my experience most parents are.

Obviously not many MN parents but they are generally a law unto themselves anyway and I rarely come across such strange attitudes in RL Grin

5zeds · 23/08/2019 22:56

The child wasn't 'talking' they were screaming so how is that even comparable? confused
If you turn round to anyone and say “SHHHH” it’s fairly abrasive and rude. What’s wrong with asking the child to be quiet?

EvilPostbox · 23/08/2019 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.