He's made me wait 3 years for 2nd baby

[Lgp11]

My little boy is now 4 and starts school in September. I discussed baby number 2 with my fiance 3 years ago and he wanted to wait a bit longer. Until our LB was in school he said and we stop paying childcare.

12 months ago I brought it up again as I thought by the time the baby came and I went back to work my LB would be in school. He asked me to wait 12 months again.

Its now 12 months and he is again using the excuse that he thinks we can't afford childcare... We can! I'm going for a promotion in work and started saving this month in preparation... I'm doing my bit because I want this and I have done what he asked... Waited.
If he thinks we can't afford childcare full time for baby 2...what is he going to do about it?!?
I honestly feel like he doesn't care about me! Why is it all on his terms!
It's hard to explain to a man how it feels to have that urge for a baby! He asks me why I cry!

Am I being selfish?

😭 Was actually tongue in cheek. I knew someone would bite.

littlefairywren has it in a nutshell. You might not think your views on marriage and parenthood are conventional, but sounds as though your prevaricating fiancé is being very "conventional", but not in a good way.

He doesn't want to get married. He is too cowardly to tell you. So he has made up a little fairy story to keep you quiet, and it's worked very well for several years.

Tell him if you can't have another baby then you want a wedding at Christmas.

And watch him run.

Sounds like he doesn't want any more children and is too scared to admit it. Have an open discussion with no pressure from you.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss what are his current valid reasons? Why should he be allowed to lie and string OP along? Why is that ok?

He doesn't sound as though he wants another baby....And if the marriage is to come after another baby, then it's pretty clear he doesn't want that either....Or at least that's how it's coming across.

WorraLiberty has it nailed down ^^
You have spent 3 years waiting, how long more are you going to wait? If you want another DC, you need to decide how long more you are willing to wait. It may never happen.

"He proposed after baby 1 and it is our decision to wait until after baby 2."
And he keeps delaying Baby 2.

I agree with PP - he's fobbing you off, stringing you along. You need an HONEST discussion with him. He needs to tell you what he's thinking, what he wants, what he doesn't; and vice versa.

Maybe he doesn't want to get married because he is scared of the expectation of baby 2 which would soon follow?

@rubyroot ok then...🙄

Do you not see this OP?

He won’t get married “by mutual decision” till Event X (baby no 2) occurs.

He is preventing Event X from occurring. And thus........ what else is being prevented from occurring? Think?

@rubyroot still totally classless. I'd withold my spunk too.

Looks to me like he’s been fobbing you off. Time for frank and honest discussion.

@Purpleartichoke Seriously?! Just wow.

He either doesn't want a baby because he doesn't want one, or because he doesn't want to get married. Do have a proper conversation with him about it but be prepared for more fobbing attempts.

He proposed after baby 1 and it is our decision to wait until after baby 2. My LB will be there to celebrate the day and so I want baby 2 there too, on the pictures and not missing out. That's the way we want to do it.

I don’t think he wants a second baby. So what will you do about marriage? Because I would question whether he wants that as well. If he says no to a second child, will you end the relationship? If yes, that might be why he is stringing you along.

he is being a cowardly shit and doesn't want another baby at all. I'd have it out with him and make him admit it.
I bloody hate blokes who don't tell the truth.

I think everyone is being a bit harsh. Yes he could be stringing you along, but my partner did this too, using money as an excuse and eventually admitted it was because he was worried he couldn't love a second baby as much as the first and he felt guilty for thinking of another one, like it was a betrayal. When I said it was now or never because I didn't want a bigger age gap or to put my career on hold anymore he changed his tune.

If you can only afford it based on a promotion you haven't got yet I can kind of see his point. Especially if you're then going to go on maternity leave. You might be in a great organisation that gives you a good maternity package and be the only candidate for the new job but I couldn't tell from your post.

I still agree with other posters on other things btw - this was just one point that stuck out. The childcare costs for two are tough.

Cut your losses OP. He doesn't want to marry you or have another child with you. Find someone who does.

If he wanted it, he would make it happen. He doesn’t want to marry you or have another child. Please wake up - he’s stringing you along! I hope it works out for you OP ❤️

@Purpleartichoke sorry are we in the 50s?

It never fails to amuse me that people automatically assume others want to get married. It’s a lifestyle choice, one that many choose not to have.

OP, have a long discussion with him and if need be, be firm with him. It seems something else is going on imo

It's more that a lot of people not wanting the lifestyle choice of getting married are utterly oblivious to the consequences

I don't conform to other people's opinion of 'normal' regarding marriage and children

And yet you're engaged? All you are doing by putting the marriage off is making your own position less secure and leaving more power in your finance's hands.

Either your finance doesn't want another child at all, or he doesn't want another child with you. You need to find out which.

He has valid reasons for not currently wanting another

His reasons now aren't "current" though because they will always be the case.

I agree with the many posters who have said he doesn't want another child or a marriage with you.
Btw a marriage is so much more than a day for photo taking!