To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

[Bumpingbumping]

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

Dc1 and Dc3 were painful but manageable, not too bad really. Dc2 was back to back and that hurt a lot more. Dc5 was induced with the drip and I never got into active labour but the 4.5 hours of early labour was worse than active labour with dc1 and Dc3. C-sections with dc4 and dc5 were worse (one elective and one emergency)

Stings a bit......

Ugh I hate threads like this - everyone piles on to say how terrible and awful birth ALWAYS is. Well, no. Assuming your baby is in a reasonably good position for birth (not back to back as that's more painful) and you've read up on what to expect and especially if you're using breathing techniques... it's fine. Yes it hurts, but it's also really empowering and awesome and an experience you'll never forget.

@Bumpingbumping download the positive birth company digital pack (best 35 quid I ever spent), read everything by Ina May Gaskin, have a detailed birth plan with what you would prefer to happen in each scenario and if you're low risk consider a home birth. And take the painkillers if you want / need them. Good luck!

I dont think it will be that bad (I'm due soon!). It seems to have a lot to do with your outlook and how scared you are. I've been practicing calming breathing techniques and hypnobirthing, and feel quite calm and will hopefully manage to remain in control of the process.

Outlook, preparation, breathing techniques etc can all have a positive effect, but they don't prevent complications or a difficult, traumatic labour. Birth is an intense physical process, not a guided meditation.

It's really offensive and ignorant to suggest that traumatic labour is caused by a lack of preparation or control. Writing that you 'expect to get absolutely flamed' doesn't mitigate this or turn it lighthearted.

There are many many many women who did all the hypnobirthing classes and NCT and read the right books and learned how to breathe and made awful comments like yours to other mothers... and then had a birth that went completely off-plan, and struggled to deal with the huge disparity between what they expected and what happened.

I remember there was a poster on here once who said 'every woman gets the birth she deserves' (or something similar), and your comment really is approaching that level of wankiness. It's not about naivety or resolute optimism, either: it's pure arrogance, thinking that most women who've had a difficult labour could've avoided this if they'd been as diligent and brave as you.

Literally like no level of pain I thought was humanly possible to endure.

I (like many women) had somebody get a pair of scissors and slice between my vagina and anus to open it up more.

Just one of the many ‘normal everyday’ occurrences of not a particularly noteworthy birth.

I honestly think any fear of birth is totally rational.

Well I did pregnancy yoga (have done yoga for years) & hypnobirthing. It wasn't possible to breathe through the contractions as they didn't stop.

I remember mooing like a cow, some of the noises I made were insane.

If you’re happy having every period pain you’ve ever had come at you at once on speed then shitting a massive TV (the old kind, not flat screen) covered in acid then it’s really not that bad!

the best tea and toast you’ll ever have in your life.
This ^ absolutely

My labour was quite easy and afterwards I thought 'I could do that again easily' although the circumstances were such that I never did. When my own daughter was pregnant I told her this but she had twins which was much more complicated and kept shouting at me 'YOU LIED!!!!'. She did go on to have more, though, so it can't have been that bad in retrospect.

And FWIW I think it's draining to be pregnant and have everyone telling you awful stories. There are a million different experiences and, no, fear and panic is not at all helpful. But neither are false expectations that you can essentially select the kind of birth you want, and receive that birth if you put the right effort in.

I totally take the point about recovery from complicated vaginal births. Awful, and I'm sorry to those of you that had horrible births and recoveries And it just goes to show that we're all different, we've all had totally different experiences and this is a bloody stupid thread.

However, my point still stands that c-sections are NOT an easy option and it's really fucking awful to portray them as such, especially given that so many people (myself included) who end up having them never intended to and end up with devastating feelings of guilt and failure at not having been able to have a 'normal' birth. I dealt with those feelings and am accepting of having to have a section again with this baby (not that I have any choice) but comments such as 'just opting for a c-section' reinforce the idea that it's an easy way out and make those feelings even harder to bear, especially at a time when you're dealing with the physical fall out from the surgery and the fact that you have a new baby and you're probably at the most vulnerable you've ever been.

9 years on I’m still being treated for the PTSD from mine........

But sure, it’s all fine.

For me the long process of labour hurt more than the actual giving birth bit however I wouldn't describe it as horrific. I genuinely enjoyed labour and childbirth and would do it again quite happily even with a 3rd degree tear and a 9.5lb baby, it was an amazing experience.

It was painful but felt like a natural positive pain as opposed to a "something" wrong kind of pain like breaking your leg for example.

For me it was exactly as painful as a period. I did used to have very painful periods though. But I managed the whole thing on just two paracetamol just as if I was having a period.

Thought this was another Corbyn thread

Me too

I think op should come back in two weeks and tell us her answer!

Pushing an object the size of a melon out of a hole the size of a grape isn’t always pretty

Stings a lot...

Put it this way... I’ve never experienced pain like it and first time round I thought I’d die because I couldn’t see how my body could physically cope with it. Crowning and actually delivering the baby felt like someone was aiming a blow torch at my vagina.

The reason people do it is because unless there are medical reasons, a vaginal birth with minimal intervention is safest.

The reason people do it more than once is not because you forget, but because a child makes it worthwhile.

Pahahahahahah!!!!

It's grim but worth it. I think you're more than a bit naive OP. Maybe come back to us in a couple of months and update us, eh, see how you fared?

Before labour my thinking was that however bad the pain was, it was temporary and once it was over it would be like it had never happened. I still stand by that. I had an induced back to back labour with a large baby. I had a third degree tear, and also lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion.

I was induced with the pessary and got through about 20 out of my 29 hours of labour with hynobirthing 'up breathing', paracetamol and being in bath/birthing pool. After my waters were broken I found I needed gas and air and then tried diamorphine but it didn't actually do much. I only found things really really painful when I had been pushing for an hour and they encouraged me to get out of the pool and have the oxytocin drip. I felt like I was being split in half for another hour but it got DD out and for a few days afterwards I wondered how I could ever go through it again.

It's been just over 2 weeks and I already think I could do it again and a big part of that is down to the hospital taking amazing care of us both, and because DD is so lovely of course! DH was also the most amazing birth partner, much as I already loved him I will admit he really exceeded my expectations.

We had an awful experience where DD stopped breathing and then we were separated for over 12 hours as she had to go to nicu and I couldn't move after a spinal block for stitches. That was the only truly traumatic part of her birth for me.

Overall I'd say I found the pain pretty awful, but not the experience, and I think that's what makes the difference between a horrific birth and a bearable one. Wishing you the best for yours.

@burritofan yes!!!! Lol. Couldn't have worded it better myself lol xx

I used to look at massive crowds in stadiums and think 'each of those people was the result of a birth' which sort of normalised it for me. If all those thousands of mothers could do it, so could I.

28 hours into a back-to-back labour I was fine. It was tough and hard work but not agonising or anything like that. Much better than having a tooth abscess. Like when you are on a tough mountain walk and every breath is hard work and your temples are pounding, but you don't stop or give up.

Eventually after 2.5 hours pushing, even I conceded that we needed help, and transferred to hospital for a ventouse delivery. Spent 1 contraction on my back (had spent my whole labour in a pool or leaning forward), and asked for an epidural. Epidural worked fast, all OK.

I used TENS, pool, staying upright, walking about, leaning on furniture etc, leaning over the back of the sofa, and breathing.

I could cope with it all until they wanted me to lie in my back for a monitor etc.

Yes, that's what I thought before I had my son. "It can't be THAT bad" "otherwise why would women have more" blablabla.

Well, that soon went out of the window. I can clearly remember at one point wondering how it was possible to be in so much pain and yet not die. At one point I think I actually begged DP to kill me.

I hate all the smug hynobirthing twaddle, like women who find it painful would have been find had they only learned to breathe and think positively. Infuriates me.

Anyway, DH is nearly 4 now and I haven't considered another. Go figure.

I had an induction and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. This is probably because I decided about 15 mins into the contractions that I wanted an epidural. The first one didn't work but as soon as the second kicked in it was bliss. I dozed until I was told it was time to push. Four pushed later and dd was out. I had a couple of minor tears but because of the epidural I didn't even realise they were stitching me back up!

I was a midwife and have given birth three times myself.

First was forceps,no pain relief until forceps were needed,second no pain relief at all,third,just Entonox.First and second babies were born in Italy.

I cannot understand how so many women go without learning any coping mechanisms!!!! It is essential to learn breathing techniques and do pelvic floor exercises.

In the 1970’s a French Obstetrician wrote a book,Birth Without Violence,his name was Frederick Leboyer.In Italy I went to ante-natal classes with the aim of having a so called Leboyer birth,went wrong with my first son as he was forceps,my second delivery was amazing,room was in complete darkness,just a light for the midwife.

I am a Grandmother now,but I urge any expectant Mum to seek out proper ante-natal classes,not the half soaked ones local Midwives run.

I was all ready to be empowered. I'd done hypnobirthing and was ready to be one of those warrior women who is in awe of their bodies. But then my daughter's heart rate dipped so slow that for a few seconds I (and the midwife, by the look on her face) thought she had died. Six months on and I can still see the midwife's face when the monitor went utterly silent for about five seconds. And then they had to remove monitor for my emergency section so for about 5-10 mins there was no monitoring, and I thought they would open me up and find she had died inside me.

So no, it wasn't fucking empowering, it was the most terrifying time of my life.

That said, I would do it again because my daughter is perfect and worth it but to me it's something just to get through. I'm sure if I'd been able to have a normal birth and not think my baby might be dead, I'd answer this question differently though!