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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:
Obi73 · 23/08/2019 15:28

It was that bad I only did it once - 26.5 hours of something I can’t describe and never did again! Darling child aged 20 who I love to bits was worth it but in answer to your question yes it was that bad.

Original poster
Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 15:29

Thank you for all of your responses I’m just working through them all now I didn’t expect so many Grin

From what I’m gathering it is just a matter of luck, I will let you all know how I get on Blush

OP posts:
Celebelly · 23/08/2019 15:30

Also I had done everything 'right', if we want to call it that (talking about a previous post about 'preparing'). I'd done all my hypnobirthing stuff, I was upright, active, I was doing my upbreathing. Unfortunately that made fuck all difference in the end because my baby was in distress and it wasn't because I hadn't 'prepared' enough or had the wrong attitude.

WhatNoNotYouAgain · 23/08/2019 15:30

everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it.

What insulting, patronising bollocks.

I did antenatal classes, hypnobirthing classes, read all the books, talked in depth to my midwives.

My birth experience was the most tramautic of my life. My son and I nearly died. How dare you imply that was my fault for not being prepared enough?

Original poster
Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 15:30

Also, to those that have had traumatic births I don’t mean to offend I’m just referring to a “text
book” labour so to speak Flowers

OP posts:
stayathomer · 23/08/2019 15:31

I got jumped on at a hen party once because I said your body really does forget how bad it is. Everyone that was there randomly think about it. OP it is hell, even the best labour or is horrendously tough and mine seemed much easier than other people who were days in labour (Have 4)), had 3 with gas 1 with epidural. The epidural makes it take longer so bear that in mind and the ducky gas thing is do much better than the mask as you can bite down. The baby at the end makes it all worthwhile. Best of luck and congrats in advance OP and let us know how you got onFlowers ps at my worst I told dh to go in next door and shut up the lady moaning loudly, he just stared at me in shock!!!

EllenAshSky1 · 23/08/2019 15:32

You say "opt for a c section" like that is a painless procedure🤨

1st Labour I was induced, In hospital 4 days and gave birth after having an epidural.
I ended up with a womb infection after that was horrific to the point I could barely stand... all in all, horrendous from start to finish.

2nd labour was low risk and I could have my baby in a birthing suite. I only had gas and air, vomitted because of the pain and never knew my body could feel such pain!!! And not die.
15 hours of intense pain my baby was born and at that moment in time all I cared about was the fact my contractions had ended!!!! It was god awful pain.

I'm now pregnant with my 3rd... if you want a baby and carry them yourself giving birth at the end is your onky option- so you have no choice but... Just not to have another child!
Every woman is different and every labour is different.. but for me- PAINFUL!!! does not even cover it lol.

stayathomer · 23/08/2019 15:32

Sucky gas thing!! Sorry OP I rushed off that msg am on the way out!!!Grin

Northernsoullover · 23/08/2019 15:32

Just take the pethidine. Its wonderful stuff Grin

Belfield · 23/08/2019 15:33

@PuffsMummie
Expecting to get absolutely flamed for this comment, but everyone I know thats had a horrible/traumatic labour, did little to nothing to prepare for it.

It seems to be the women that lose control.

I'm of the same opinion as you, OP. I dont think it will be that bad (I'm due soon!). It seems to have a lot to do with your outlook and how scared you are. I've been practicing calming breathing techniques and hypnobirthing, and feel quite calm and will hopefully manage to remain in control of the process.

I'll come back after to report, hopefully I wont be eating my words!

The OP was looking for stories from people who have given birth so I don't know why you have contributed to this thread. I feel sorry for anyone who has shared their story with you as you were just judging them and deciding that they just weren't in control and prepared enough. You literally have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

Appymummy · 23/08/2019 15:34

I'm not going to lie - I had a pretty traumatic birth, and even worse recovery - 3 operations and 6 months later I'm still under the consultant. HOWEVER, it felt like an outer body experience and it's not something I'll ever forget, but you don't feel the pain any longer. It hasn't put me off having children (although I have been told I have to have a C sec if I had any more) everyone and every birth is different and I think it's the not knowing or what to expect which makes you apprehensive- we all have different pain thresholds!

Good luck with everything Smile

katewhinesalot · 23/08/2019 15:34

I didn't bother writing a birth plan. My plan was to see how I felt at the time.
Both my births hurt and one wasn't straight forward at all. Of course they hurt, but go in being flexible and without set expectations. Don't be afraid to use pain relief. My back to back baby hadn't progressed despite being on a drip. I was asked if I wanted an epidural. They wouldn't advise either way but then I asked what the MW would do in the situation off the record. She said she'd probably have one so I did. In retrospect that was absolutely the right decision. I wasn't going to beat myself up for having that pain relief because I needed it at the time. Go with the flow.

I have really positive memories of both births. After all they gave me my most precious things in the world.

Frankola · 23/08/2019 15:35

It depends on your own labour experience really.

But mine was pretty horrific. My baby got stuck and I had to be taken to a different hospital after 10 hours of pushing for medical intervention.

Would that stop me doing it again? No way.

But not because its "not that bad". Because the pain and mortification is worth it.

You'll see!

MustardScreams · 23/08/2019 15:35

I was very optimistic prior to labour, which unfortunately meant when I was in active labour and my contractions were horrific, I completely lost control and couldn’t cope at all.

I wish I’d mentally prepared a bit more so that the pain wasn’t quite such a shock. In the end I had an epidural and it was utter bliss. Dd born with no intervention 8(!) hours later. Highly recommend one if you feel you can’t cope.

HJWT · 23/08/2019 15:36

I told my DH to shoot me in the face when I was in the 'transition' stage ! Currently 32 weeks pregnant 😁

PumpkinP · 23/08/2019 15:36

A csection isn’t necessarily easier, I had two emcs and I found them much much worse than the 2 vaginal births I had!

feelingverylazytoday · 23/08/2019 15:37

I've had three births, none of them were horrific. There was a certain amount of pain with all three of them, but not the worst pain I've experienced.
Longest was 10 hours, shortest was two. And with my second and third births I got up, showered and dressed after an hour.
I'm sure there's been plenty of different birth stories on this thread, the most important thing is that you and your baby get through it safely, and whatever happens you get the care and support you need. Just try and take it as it comes and not to worry about it. Every single birth is different and you just don't know how you're going to feel or what will happen.
Best of luck to you and your baby.

Soubriquet · 23/08/2019 15:38

Yeah my first labour completely threw me.

I thought like you...it couldn’t be that bad.

It was.
It was worse

I had a second degree tear that needed corrective surgery 18 months down the line.

I still did it again though. My second birth was worse but I was much more prepared for it.

Baby was back to back so labour was more painful

Solihooley · 23/08/2019 15:38

Admittedly I’ve never had a ‘normal labour’. 1st very long back to back, 2nd was induced. Induced labour for me was complete agony. I was screaming for an epidural within 4 hours. I didn’t have that much pain relief with my 1st back to back so it’s not like I have a very low pain threshold. I haven’t forgotten the pain, its very unnatural and it was so awful that I was convinced I would die. I would advise anyone getting induced with the drip to just get an epidural.

WhatNoNotYouAgain · 23/08/2019 15:39

I'm not even 100% sure it's all worth it, if I'm honest. I went through a horrendous amount of pain to give birth to my darling boy who is more precious to me than anything ever has been or ever will be. I love him so much. But parenthood to me feels like a combination of drudgery, anxiety (so much anxiety - will he be safe, will he be happy, what if any harm comes to him) and, yes, a small amount of delirious joy.

I've heard the saying that motherhood feels like your heart is walking round outside your body and that's what it's been like for me. Just overarching terror and responsibility really.

Hand on heart, if I'd known what birth and motherhood were like in advance, would I choose to do it again? I really am not sure.

However, no one else seems to feel like this (or at least no one else seems to admit it), so perhaps this is just me. I do feel things very intensely.

shearwater · 23/08/2019 15:39

It certainly can be horrible but both my labours were really good. Both 6 hours, had an epidural for DD1, had second degree tears and bruising but healed quickly (lovely, lovely arnica). A lot of the pain was in my back which was pretty sore but the epidural dealt with it.

6 hours for DD2 and just gas and air, only minor tears. I was much less scared having done it before and had done yoga and had great breathing techniques for the contractions which really helped.

HJWT · 23/08/2019 15:39

I remember people telling me imagine getting your arm cut of and you will be fine! Its much worse, cutting your arm of is quick and you can have some mental pain killers, labour & deliver is slow and not much options when it comes to pain killers!!

Pethidine really knocks the shit out of you once the contractions stop though! Which is great if like me you end up with a doctor trying to reach your uterus to stop the bleeding 😁 I don't remember much after the baby came out! I don't even remember delivering the placenta ! 🤣

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 15:41

It depends,
Some of them fly out
Some people get ripped open like a Christmas present

Everyone is different.

I don't know why I wrote that like a poem but I like it.

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 15:42

@Yogurtcoveredricecake lol
Gimme gimme the drugssss

Gobbolinocat · 23/08/2019 15:45

Op I have not read the thread but dude it's fine posts... Personally I don't feel are helpful.

Your going into battle and it's probably best to be prepaid.

It's not like a bad period for everyone. People have different pain thresholds. It's easier with the second because you know!
Be open minded and prepared to be flexible re pain relief. Good luck